kow626 the enigmatic - the official blog/website of melvin l. clermont

My experience at Walt Disney World Hollywood Studios in Orlando, FL on 6/26/2009 via Twitter.

kow626 — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:29:18 -0400

Click here to view pics.

I got a commemorative pin and ticket for my birthday. Ticket is here. Pin is here. Parking ticket is here.

Twitter is pretty useful, I must admit. Gets the thoughts out of my head and online to share for everyone who gives a damn to see. Makes for easier blog posting too. So here’s my tweets as they relate to my free admission birthday trip to Disney.

1. got my free breakfast @ embassy suites 2 fill up 4 my day @ disney hollywood studios. parkin was 12 bucks. lot was half empty.

2. took tram 2 get 2 da gate. hit will call 4 free admission. gave me a happy bday pin wit my name wrote on it n a hard plastic bday ticket.

3. got right in as soon as dey opened. no line except 4 will call but tower of terror line is 30 min wait. doin dat roller coaster nxt.

4. mofos send u thru a house, den u wait in a library. u think u bout 2 get on but u aint. u gotta wait in another line but it aint long.

5. ToT wasnt as scary as i remember. doctor doom is betta. mega drop is even betta dan dat. bitch grabbin on my leg n shit durin da drop...

6. dey jus said da single rider line is same hour wait as regular line. prob is dat deez mofos aint singles. fuckin shit up 4 peeple like me.

7. gotta make sure 2 secure ur shit on ToT cuz dat shit could go flyin around n fuckin peeple up. aint happ win i was on it but im jus sayin.

8. im wearin my bday pin. peeps in front of me wished me a happy bday. guess i gotta get used 2 it.

9. coaster was ok. not really xtreme but takeoff was fast. raise ur hands n u'll b an amputee! only last a couple mins n not dat fast.

10.wait time was 50 mins but coulda been less if real singles was in da line. shit should b enforced. n secure ur shit cuz u bring it wit u.

11.dis is fla n dat means da rain is comin. ducked n2 da idol theater 4 da 1st show 2 avoid dat shit. its packed. theater is nice.

12.black guy is da host. his name is mark. prolly a comedian cuz he's pretty funny.

13.alexandra barbera, hannah kintner n robbie pate r performin. jeanette is da real host. my bad. mark was jus da warm up.

14.14yo barbera sung 'part of da world.' didnt hit her high notes. low on performance. mean judge was da only honest 1.

15.robbie pate from irvine cali is singin 'its good 2 b us.' not bad. low on breath control n performance. judges were all rite dis time.

16.18yo kintner from bama is singin 'stop in da name of love.' looks up 2 da ceiling 2 much. betta perf dan others. judges were all rite again.

17.randy, lisa n sheila r da judges. sheilas da mean 1. randy a lookalike. lisa da hot outspoken blonde.

18.i voted 4 pate. kintner won. jeanette walks n looks like a former model wit dem long skinny ass legs. twas ok. no REAL auditions like tv :(

19.muppetvision 3d was ok. dem old men in da balcony was killin me wit dey comedy. dem mofos was funny n well written. power rangers r out now.

20.indy jones show started slow so i ditched dat shit. waitin in line @ star tours. my bitch nigga homey finally showed up.

21.star tours aint bout much. jus like dat arctic ride @ sea world. wait was like 20 mins. rude ass attendant 2. got on us 4 laffin b4 da ride.

22.action stunt show is lame. impressiv but lame. mofo aint catch on fire so dey showed footage from yest win it worked. not bad but not great.

23.mofos pik sum1 from da audience 2 drive 1 of da cars by remote. dont fall 4 it. sum1s drivin it on da other side dat u cant c. huge crowd.

24.@ studio backlot tour. said wait was 20 min but was only 5. u could get wet! wont say how :) cold water fountains evrywhere. props 2 disney.

25.ant c shit on deez cheap ass crt outdoor monitors. shits got cobwebs growin on em. cmon disney, u aint hurtin dat bad r u?

26.preshow was wack. prop warehouse walkthru was wack. bout 2 get on da tram. hope dis shit improves from dis lame bullshit so far.

27.ok. dat last part was good. fire n water. das all ill say. afi film walkthru was ok. funny how man made top 50 film villains. we dat bad?

28.honey i shrunk da kids is strictly 4 kids. fucked up dat da web ladder or wutever wasnt open. da only thing worth a shit dere n was closed.

29.not doin idol again although production quality was good. disney food is xpensiv n my bbq samich aint taste good but fills u up.

30.toy story 4d got a 90 min wait. FURK DAT! narnia rite nxt 2 it got a 15 min wait. think ill do dat! could meet prince caspian but dont care.

31.shit, caspian was WACK! nathan but a summary of da flick in movie trailer form n props @ da end. waste of fuckin time. das y deres no wait.

32.almost dun here. in long ass line 4 toy story. only got mayb a couple mo shows n da fireworks n das it. AUDI!

33.i always ask 2 get in da fastpass line since its my bday, thinkin deyll let me in but dey dont. 1 cat woulda gave me a pass but he ran out.

34.toy story is dat joint! a cross btwn mib @ univ n pirates @ disneyquest. 30 min wait, not 90. lotta fun! arms will hurt if ur not in shape.

35.hi skool musical parade passed but i was 2 late 2 get a pic. dont giv dat much of a furk about it 2 chase it down. in line 4 da movie ride.

36.movie ride is old, dated, n wack wit bad actin n props n old ass movies. dont waste ur time.

37.las indy jones show i was @ 2day was standin room only. bailed on dat. dis time i got a seat. c wussup wit dis show...

38.xtras 4 da show was sittin rite in front of me dressed like low rent towelheads. lookin like family dollar supplied da wardrobe n shit.

39.indy was aight but dragged on a bit. nathan left here 4 me. ill jus snap a few more pics n bizounce.

40.drew carey was closed. only pics i aint get was sum restaurants. other dan dat, i covered evrythin i giv a furk bout. got sumthin else 2 do.

41.aint get pics of goofy or pluto win dey was out. batteries aint die. lotta peeps leavin so aint no wait. cool weather. good day 2 come here.

42.fuckin friend aint know where he parked n it was bout 2 rain so i left his dumb ass dere 2 find his shit. got shit of my own 2 do.

43.called disney 2 confirm dat fantasmic was happ 2nite n it aint so dat mean I DID DAT! dun wit hwood studios. @ a tv preview in a hilton now.

Glad they take credit to pay for parking cuz I don’t carry cash. And just like inside, they don’t check your ID and you ain’t gotta sign for shit. Bad news since it’s an international destination. Perfect place to commit fraud. Parking lot wasn’t maxed out like you’d expect. Disney damn sure ain’t immune to the current economy. Lines inside wasn’t all that long either considering the myths people spread ‘bout how you gonna be waitin’ in them shits for hours on end. Bullshit. My friend swallowed that hoopla, thinkin’ that we wasn’t gonna be able to do everything. Whatever. Did every damn thing we wanted with several hours to spare. It helped that the park was open till 10p but even if it closed earlier, it wouldn’t have mattered. Did all that shit.

Their security is comparable to that of Universal. Which means it sucks. All they do is open your bag, look inside, and you’re on your way. You could very well bring a gat, some dope, or a fucking grenade. But watch out though. They did have an officer there with a trained dog off in the cut. Sneak in some coke if you wanna. Use your girl’s pussy to hide it in if that’s the case. Or stick it up your ass. Then you can bypass the mutt. There was only one outside the gates. Crotch sniffing dogs at theme parks might look good for vacationing zoophiles but bad for customer service.

Tram emcee was pretty funny but it seems all of them use the same tired ass joke, “My name is Chip, the driver’s name is Dale.” Oh yeah, it was hot as a bitch out there in the beginning of the day. As usual, people were underdressed and their kids were too. Had no choice but to watch the future cancer patients of America; all due to their parents ignorance.

I walked in and was gonna snap pics but opted out of doing that when I realized I’d better get my ass on the Tower of Terror and that roller coaster with the quickness cuz those are the main attractions. Wanted to get those out of the way and then the rest of the day would be a breeze. That strategy worked. It helped that the line to get in the park was practically empty. I just walked right on in. Can’t say that for either ride though. There was a bit of a wait but not long. Damn sure wasn’t as long as they advertised on their displays.

I coulda went back and got pics of all the shops and restaurants I bypassed but I ain’t feel like it. Wanted to go have my fun and do all the shit that I wanted to do. Got lost looking for Toy Story and ended up in the Muppet area. The 3d effects for Muppetvision looked dated, along with the show as a whole, but those old guys in the balcony were cracking me the fuck up. I was in tears. That shit they were talking during the show was fucking insanely funny. Excellent writing. Would recommend it only for that but the kids next to me were into the show, grabbing at bubbles from the ceiling and stuff onscreen. They don’t know no better. One little girl fell out of her seat and busted her ass she was so into it. But you expect that from naïve kids.

My friend had been to Idol before. Said the people he saw sucked. People I saw wasn’t so bad. None of them dressed like stars. Fucking flip flops and shorts on stage? Shit…You wanna be a star, you gotta look like one. The Kintner chick who won was all thick and shit with her cleavage all out and wearing daisy dukes and shit, Barbera had bad skin and couldn’t hit her high notes, Pate had poor breathing control during his performance and was clearly sucking wind but had the best singing voice out of them all, regardless of if he lost. The judges were pretty much copycats. Mean judge (the one with the big ass Wicked Witch of the West nose) contributed absolutely nothing but over-affected criticism and got cheap heat from the crowd. The hot blonde was nothing like Paula though (meaning she wasn’t a whackjob). Both are hot and would get it with absolute zero hesitation! Still, I only went in to avoid the rain. It was pretty much what I expected. Give me some real auditions, dammit! I wanna see people who CAN’T sing!

It was my bday and one cat at Star Tours, if I woulda got there earlier, woulda gave me a fastpass but he ran out. I asked every other employee I came across at the rides and they wouldn’t let a nigger in ahead of everyone. Hey, at least I tried. But the lines weren’t so long that a pass was necessary. We (a friend who joined up with me later in the day) did all the shit we wanted to do and had 5 whole hours to spare. Most of the shit there is dated as fuck and pretty damn lame as mentioned in my tweets. Like, a complete waste of time. They need to do some serious updating to that fucking park. We skipped all the kid shit. Could give a fuck about that shit. Like Voyage of the Little Mermaid and shit like that. I primarily do rides and rarely do shows. The shows here weren’t up to speed either.

Biggest laughs I got, other than the Muppet guys, was some gook bitch who was going into the Narnia attraction. Bitch was all drooped over like a hunchback lookin’ tired as fuck, mouth all open and panting and shit like a goddamn dog and shit. Then there was an employee at the stunt show who’s stomach was hanging down to his fucking knees. That shit looked nasty as fuck. How the fuck do you hire someone like that? That shit ain’t even healthy. His fucking intestines are probably somewhere around his fucking thighs. At least now you know they don’t discriminate. So if you got probs getting a job there, you can reference this blog and say, “Well, you hired that nasty, fat motherfucker. Why not me? I ain’t as fucked up as his ass.” We saw a retard lady working too. There’s some more ammo for you.

But having said all that, everyone was nice (except for the Haitian bitch at Star Tours) and pleasant, including guests. Strangers and employees wished me a happy bday (cuz I wore my pin all day) and I appreciated it. The park was clean and employee appearances were up to speed. One thing I didn’t understand was why they were squeegeeing and trying to absorb the rainwater from the ground with towels when it was raining on and off all damn day. That shit made absolutely no fucking sense. I know they don’t want people to slip and sue the shit out of them but c’mon, this is Florida. Oh yeah, hot girls? Sadly, I can’t say there were many. Nobody really stood out. Sure, there were some decent chicks but none that anyone would remember or say, “Daaammmnnnn,” if you saw the bitch.

Lady in front of us was arguing with her peeps that she didn’t know where she left their baby stroller. My friend busted out all loud right in front of her out of surprise, “That bitch said she lost her stroller.” It ain’t a hard thing to do either. Them shits is everywhere and stupid bitches be leaving their purses and wallets in them shits thinking their shit is safe. Stupid. Thieves, theme parks are a goldmine for people like ya’ll. Easy fucking pickings. Cuz people are STILL living in a false sense of security.

Lamest attraction was clearly Narnia. What a complete and total waste of fucking time. If you’ve seen the movie, don’t even bother. If you haven’t, don’t even bother. Best was Toy Story cuz it’s interactive and a competition. I scored bout 161,000 points. Highest of the day was around 255,000. Nope, you don’t get no prize, just bragging rights if you beat your competitor (which I did).

Every other relevant thing I’ve already said in my tweets. I will say this though, Disney has inadequate signage to find the fucking park. I knew where it was and shoulda took the way I was familiar with, which just happens to be the quickest route. Instead, I got wrapped the fuck all around places so far away and unnecessary. There is no signage for Hollywood Studios on I4! So just do this: get off on the 535 exit if you’re going westbound. Get off on your first exit (Downtown Disney) and make a left at the light. Then just keep going till you see the signs for the Studios or the Tower of Terror in the sky. Much quicker than what the fuck I did. Way to get people lost, Disney.

And now for the verdict: would I recommend Hollywood Studios? No. There’s much better parks out there than this shit. This place is in need of a serious updating cuz a lot of the tech and the attractions are incredibly dated, especially the animatronics and the overall writing. Even the acting on the parts of the cast members was horrible. The great movie ride was more like the great movie flop. Horrible in every way. But you know you’re gonna come here anyway. Don’t expect much beyond a handful of good attractions. Those being Toy Story, ToT, the roller coaster, Muppetvision, the stunt show, and the backlot tour. The latter three are really pushing it to make that list cuz only bits and pieces of them were good. Idol was just that: an experience. So it’s aptly named but I only did one show of the many they had throughout the day. Ain’t worth puttin’ in that kind of time.

So if you got a family who loves Disney shit, you’ll make a full day of it. These days, you can get in dirt cheap, ain’t gotta wait in no long ass lines, and you’ll have plenty of time to do everything and probably have time to spare if you’re not an idiot and lose your fucking stroller. Scale of 1 to 10 on this place? Hmmm………….I’d have to give it a…..hmmmm……a 4.5. That’s the best I can do. I’m a guy, I’m single, I like rides and thrills and this place ain’t got much for that. Yeah, I dig that the theme of the joint is about movie-making magic but I ain’t see much of it.

My experience at DisneyQuest at Downtown Disney in Orlando, FL on 6/23/2009.

kow626 — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:34:31 -0400

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I just can’t be one of those depressed, unemployed schmucks who sits at home all day waiting for the phone to ring or not being able to go out and enjoy life. I had some time on my hands, I wanted to get out of the house, and I had my Disney pass but never used it, so I decided to go out and have some fun, even if it was by myself. Total cost? Just food and gas, so about $15 for 10 hours of entertainment. Can’t beat that, now can you?

My tank was already damn near empty so I hit up a gas station to fill it up halfway since that’d last me about 3 weeks to a month. Then I hit up Wendy’s before going to DQ (DisneyQuest, not Dairy Queen) so that I’d have a decent amount of cheap food in me to last the day. It wasn’t enough. I had to hit up guest services on the other side of DT Disney to trade in my exchange ticket for a real ticket (I have the 3-day play plus water parks and more non-expiring ticket). I parked closer to that to avoid a long walk so I got back in my car and parked closer to DQ where there was a lot more available parking. Oh yeah, it was hot as a bitch outside. This is Florida after all. But I ain’t complaining. Rather have it hot than cold anytime.

I’d been to DQ during it’s opening year when I worked in the hospitality industry. Nope, I don’t remember a damn thing about the place from back then so I might as well say this was my first time going. I got in free with my pass. Tix are usually 40 bucks. Now, after I’ve experienced the place, do I consider that a good deal? Fuck yeah, I do! This isn’t a place for lamers, it’s a place for gamers. You can go online and read reviews about the joint and anything negative can only be coming from a fuddy duddy. If you don’t have a youthful, fun side to you and if you don’t like arcade games or interactive games, then this place ain’t for you.

I’d recommend getting there as soon as they open cuz the place can get full pretty quick and when it does, getting on a ride or waiting to play a game can be a hassle cuz people, mainly kids, forget that they can’t bogart the game. Other people are waiting to play. It’s not a long wait, if any, for arcade games but the main attractions can have a good line. I got there at 2p and stayed till they closed at 10. They opened at 11:30. I wish I woulda got there at opening. So much to do there. On Friday and Saturday they’re open till 11p. That extra hour comes in handy so keep that in mind. If you can get there when they open, focus strictly on the main attractions. Work from the bottom to the top cuz the Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean rides on the first level are the busiest. Then just keep working upwards till all of the main attractions are done. If you get there late, then you start from the top to the bottom. That’s what I did and I didn’t have much for a wait until I got to the two aforementioned first level rides.

If you take the elevators up, it dumps you on the third level which is the hub that directs you to all 5. Don’t start there in the middle. Go up or go down. Start at the first or fifth level, but not the middle. I can’t stress enough that you need to get those main attractions outta the way cuz that’s what’s gonna cost you in time the most; waiting in those lines. Once those are out of the way, the multitude of games on every level are at your full disposal and that was the most fun part about the place to me. You didn’t have to bother reloading quarters and shit. One price = unlimited play. That’s a good concept. If you’re like me, once you start playing, you can’t stop. I sampled as many games as I could. That’s why I say maximize your arcade time cuz it’s addictive.

They had a good mix of old and new games. Classic shit like Qbert and Frogger. New shit like Justice League: Heroes United. Lots of driving and racing games in The Underground area, poker, foosball, versus, shooter, ddr, guitar hero, childrens…you name it, they probably had it or something close to it. Something for everybody in that place and it’s pretty big too. I’d say the one game that you gotta wait a while for is Let’s Go Jungle. Great graphics on that one and it’s supposed to give a good 30 minutes of play. If you know you’re gonna wanna play a shooter game like that, get your spot after doing the main attractions. I didn’t get a chance to play. But I got another day on my pass to go back so you never know…

My first piece of advice was to get the main attractions outta the way. My second piece is to WASH YOUR HANDS FREQUENTLY! The place is a germ factory. No shit. There’s bathrooms on every floor. Use ‘em! I wasn’t even thinking to wash my hands at all cuz I was caught up in shit but then it hit me. I’d been touching all this equipment and shit for hours on end. Same fucking equipment that hundreds of other people from all over the world have touched before me, snotnose ass kids and shit too, and not once did I wash my hands? Oh hell no! I made sure to wash up regularly after that epiphany.

It might be Disney but they have their flaws and make mistakes and shit too. Some of the games didn’t work. Like Super Bikes. One bike’s brakes weren’t working, another’s accelerator wasn’t. Another flying game’s controller didn’t work. Some driving games’ steering was fucked up. I’d imagine that they test the shit daily and nightly and throughout the day but apparently not. That was probably the biggest downer. It ruins the experience and lowers your Disney expectations. But speaking of Super Bikes, I’d say that was one of the best games I played there cuz the control was great. They even had Crazy Taxi up in that bitch. I love that game but chose not to play it cuz they had so many others that I’d never seen or heard of. I had to sample as much as I could. My mission was to at least beat the first level of a game before moving to another. The only game I didn’t do that with was Spy Hunter cuz it wasn’t made clear when playing it where the endpoint was. So I ditched it after getting ran off the road and blown the fuck up too many goddamn times.

Now, which attractions were good and bad? I did them all except Pinball Slam cuz that shit just looked pointless as fuck. It’s a good workout but there’s not an ounce of strategy or technique to it. All you’re doing is moving around frantically on the pedestal to keep your ball moving. That’s it. I question the technology on the Jungle Cruise. I didn’t see any sensors on the oars so what was the point of all that paddling? Was the inflatable outer raft touch sensitive? I don’t know. I coulda got on it by myself but the attendant had to ask more than once if anyone had a party of 2 or 3 that wanted to ride with me. What the fuck? I’m ugly? Intimidating? You’re racist? What? Geez. Finally, two white teen girls decided to do it with me. They didn’t wanna cuz they wanted to go by themselves. I’m like, dumb bitches, I’ll be in the back like a nigger usually is, you won’t even know I’m here. You do get wet in the front seats so beware. And there’s an area in the back of the raft to keep your shit safe, snug and dry.

It’s a pretty rough ride. 2 fat chicks and their kids put on a good show, yelling and screaming and shit, cuz the ride throws you around a bit, kinda like a real raft would. You gotta tuck your feet into some holsters. If you don’t do that and you don’t have strong legs to stay put and you don’t have strong arms when paddling, then don’t bother getting on this shit. It’s a pretty good workout. Don’t put yourself in a position to say what one of the girls that rode with me said: “My arms are tired.”

Just like any other type of ride, these have height requirements so keep that in mind when traveling with young kids. The Pirates ride is pretty fun. There’s, like, 3 different screened rooms with different names but I don’t know if that means there’s 3 different types of games to play. It’s a 3d deal (they give you glasses, you give them back when you’re done) where there’s one driver/captain and everyone else is shooting down pirate ships and monsters. I went in with 3 others. There’s supposed to be 6 people and there was only 4 of us so me and the other shooters were pulling double duty. Kinda made it more fun cuz there was shooting opportunities. I liked it. It has the longest line of anything in the joint and I suppose that’s for a reason. They don’t clean the 3d glasses between passenger loads so you could get some shit passed onto you, like lice. Lucky for me I’m black and I ain’t gotta worry about that.

The Alladin’s Magic Carpet Ride is like the Ride the Comix ride. A virtual setting. You put on your helmet, which they do sanitize after each person wears one, and then the virtual headgear. For the Comix ride, well, neither is really a ride. They’re more of an experience. Comix is you and a Star Wars light saber fighting off bad guys. Alladin is you riding on a magic carpet collecting gems or some shit. Both were pretty lame and the tech is a little dated. Not to mention the speaker on my headgear when I was on the Comix ride didn’t work. So motherfuckers in the game were speaking but I ain’t hear shit. I think Disney needs to update the tech and/or get a new concept for both. They have enough intellectual properties and engineers to make it happen.

Buzz Lightyear’s AstroBlaster falls into the same category. It’s incredibly dated. And once again Disney drops the ball. One ride employee left out a key point before letting people on. I got on the first time and couldn’t move my vehicle. Went to an attendant after and told her the prob and she put me in line ahead of everyone to get on again. But this time, a different ride employee explained the key point that the previous idiot left out: Your cannon has to initially be empty in order for you to move. The first time, I was just a sitting duck. The second time, I peeped the cannon and saw that the loader was turned over and it appeared that a ball was in it when there wasn’t. So check that cannon and make sure it’s empty when you get in that bitch and buckle both seat belts and then you’ll be on your way. I did it alone, driving and shooting. Either way, it’s lame and dated.

The Create Zone has a lot of shit for kids, like the Animation Academy, but that’s where the CyberSpace Mountain virtual roller coaster is. The coaster I built was rated 4 out of 5 on the extreme front. If you don’t choose a name for it in a good amount of time, they choose one for you. I chose Astro for the first name but they chose Chariot for the last. Not enough choices, the bastards. I wore my one-of-a-kind “FURK DAT!” t-shirt. A kid behind me in line asked his mom while pointing, “His shirt says furk dat. What’s that mean?” She whispered in his ear. I assume she told him bluntly. Shit, I was surfing on my phone and facing them. Like I didn’t see him or hear his question. Shoulda clowned his little jit ass.

They make you take out all your loose shit and put it behind lock and key, which they give to you when you get on the simulators. I tried to put in as many loops and shit as possible but the ride still wasn’t extreme enough. The attendant even asked if I was okay riding it since mine was rated so high. I was like, just close the hatch and lemme do this shit. The only extreme part was the initial loop cuz I wasn’t expecting that shit to turn my ass completely upside down. It felt like an ancient county fair ride cuz you don’t fit snugly in the seat and you get tossed around a bit. Yep, it’s dated and not really that extreme. When it was over, the attendant asked how I liked it. I just told her the truth that it coulda been more extreme. Like a fucking 8 or 9, then I woulda been satisfied. Maybe…if I fit good in the seat.

Typhoon is a virtual game that they have and it’s okay but the line for it can get long. They have 6 environments but if there’s a line, you can only do one at a time. I remember the old Movie Rider attraction here in Orlando way back when. That shit was on par with Universal’s Back to the Future. That’s the type of shit DQ needs to invest in. Old tech from 10 years ago is still better than a lot of shit that’s out there now. Damn shame.

So overall, I rate the main attractions 1.5 out of 10 and that’s pushing it. The Pirates ride was the only shining star. All the others are old, lame, outdated, and pointless. In other words, not fun. Yep, you’re gonna need to eat again whether you like it or not since it is a full day affair. But surprisingly, the food ain’t horrible and is decently priced. There’s sweets on the fourth level and then there’s meats on the fifth and they do take credit for payment and they don’t ask to see your ID and you don’t have to sign for shit. Not cool. I think the fourth level had internet access at the tables and shit. Of course you ain’t gonna be able to look up no porn or no shit like that. I had my phone so I was straight.

It did get to that point where I had to eat something cuz I was literally shaking from hunger. I couldn’t even take straight pics it got so bad. I thought I could last the day but it just wasn’t gonna happen. Had to bite the bullet and pay for Disney food. I was taking pics of the menu so that you’ll have an idea of what to expect. Fucking security guard rolled up on me from behind a door and asked if he could help me with anything. I said, “Nope,” and kept on taking my pics. Fuck ‘em.

Talent. As in hot girls. Oh yeah, more than plenty. Problem was they were mostly all jail bait. So take that info however you want. Wear comfortable shoes. I shoulda wore my gel inserts instead of my orthotics cuz my feet were hurting later in the day. No need to overdress. There were more flip flops, shorts, and tank tops in there than tennis shoes and casual wear. The air temp is comfortable too. Not too hot, not too cold. It was just right. Place was clean, employees were too and they were all Disney nice. When you leave, you know how they do. You gotta go through a gift shop called the Emporium. When DQ closes though, an attendant comes by to let you know and you gotta stop playing your game. I wasn’t ready to leave. I was prepared to be there for another good 3 hours.

I think the DQ concept is a good one. Floor upon floor of video games. The next logical step would be to incorporate Wii, Xbox, and PS3 console gaming stations. I think that’d be a massive hit! Even better if all of them were emulated. I can definitely see that happening at some point in the future, if not here then somewhere. It just makes sense. My overall DQ experience? 8.5 out of 10. Regardless of the lame main attractions and non-working games, everything else was on point. I loved it and especially the one-price-pays-all concept. If Disney had a little more forward thinking with this concept, it might’ve taken off in the other cities it used to be in. But I can see video arcades coming back into the mainstream when emulated console gaming finally takes off. It’s just natural synergy. So, to wrap things up in one word, would I recommend DisneyQuest? Yes. And they serve beer. Not my thing but now you know you can set a great example for all the kids there.

My review of Vintage Wrestling’s “Goldlust” show at the Salvation Army Gym in Sanford on 5/30/2009.

kow626 — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:43:57 -0400

I was using Twitter to give show updates but it went kaput a few matches in. Gave the error ‘something is technically wrong,’ and ‘twitter is over capacity.’ I mainly use the shit for immediate expression so that I don’t forget shit when I decide to do a full blog post. This situation was no diff. After draining off some of my cell phone’s battery trying to update (and from constantly checking the Magic score), some of which didn’t take, I stopped and gave up. Too many people tweetin’ at one time causes this type of shit I suppose. Bout time for some new servers, ‘ey Twitter? Anyway, these are the only tweets I was able to do as they relate to the show:

1. @ wrestling vintage in sanford. fucked up n went 2 da civic center 1st cuz das where wrestling usually is. had a dance ball in dat bitch.

2. wasnt hard 2 find da rite buildin. ample free parkin. $15 admission. no more dan 100 peeps here n das bein generous. women look like mutts.

3. b4 we got 2 sanford, we made pitstop @ bravo supermarket 4 sum good grub n i bought lotto n powerball tix. only spent a buk on each.

4. passed thru a nice white neighborhood along da way. saw a liqour store across da street n we were in da hood jus like dat. like nite n day.

5. show started on time wit a bonus match. triple threat: june mckenzie pinned prodigy wit jerrelle clark in da match. ill spell names wrong.

6. 10 bell salute 4 jon tolos was pathetic. bell ringer was sum guy named garvin. ol fool cant even ring a bell.

7. stimulus sam shaw n his corny manager in a goodwill tux v. brad attitude. josh rich is ref. shaws a good heel. my friend likes his name.

8. josh rich needs 2 take sum of wutever prodigy is on. deres a guy in a wig in da crowd hecklin all wrestlers. hes alone. i think hes a plant.

9. shaw wins by pinfall after manager interference n by holdin da ropes. good match. shaw has lots of potential. could b a big star.

10.semifinal match: raw dog aaron epic n his chunky ass bitch miss betsy v. glacier. no wcw entrance 4 him dis time...or any other eva again.

11.prodigy is 161 n epic is 190? yeah wutever. dey weigh bout as much as 1 of miss betsy's arms. epic jus lost by quik pin. good match.

12.sammy haggard v. raymond snow who appears 2 hav lost tons of weight. props 2 him. haggard throws lame punches...n he lost fast via pin.

13.ring announcer is scotty sweatervest. he wears a sweatervest. commish shawn solo is in da ring. thomas marr came out n is on da mic.

14.chris carson came out. him n marr did a program. marr was good on da mic n talkin shit but it was all da truth.

15.twitter said it was ova capacity 2 many times so fuk it. shows ova. was a good time. @ winghouse watchin da magic now. got a good lead.

Me and a friend decided on doing this show over the Magic game cuz we figured it’d end in time for us to catch the tail end of it. Another friend was gonna come with and bring his girl too but she got sick (a nicer term for drunk), so he had to cancel on us. The flyer very clearly states that the show would be held at the Salvation Army gym but my dumb ass went to the Civic Center out of habit. Parking lot was practically empty and we said to ourselves if the crowd was small, we wouldn’t bother. We walked up, opened the door, and it was an old folks dance going on in that bitch. We was like, “Oh shit!”

Shoulda crashed that bitch for a while just for the fuck of it but time was getting slim. After hearing my homie talk continuous shit about my lack of following directions, I got on my phone, went to Vintage’s site, and peeped the flyer for the addy. 24th street wouldn’t be hard to find and it wasn’t. After passing through redneck town and seeing folks walking barefoot on the road with the bottom of their feet as black as my skin, we found the place. Never been to this venue, parking lot was fairly full, free parking, and the surrounding neighborhood was quiet except for one annoying barking dog that can spot a nigger a mile away apparently. Yep, the damn thing was looking right at us from far across the street as if alerting everyone, “Hey, we got some darkies among us. Close your windows and lock your doors.” Like that’d help. We’re black. We carry gats!

I was driving my car, we found a damn good parking spot, and we proceeded to walk to the front of the building where the doors were locked. How stupid we were when the side doors clearly say ‘gym entrance.’ We went in, 2 chicks were at the admission table, and it was 15 bucks a pop. Our ticket was a handstamp as if we were going clubbing downtown or some shit. Advance tix were $10 and only available at a fucking flea market that’s only open on weekends. Considering how many people were in attendance, even that $5 discount didn’t help. There were only 100 people tops, not a lot of them were kids, and that’s a highball number.

All tix shoulda been 10 bucks for adults and $5 for kids ages 3-10, free for kids under 3, in advance and at the door. That’s a fairer price point and you also gotta consider the area and the economy. Sanford wages ain’t high, the population ain’t either, and it’s farther from the metro Orlando area which means spending more on gas and travel time. It’s pretty safe to say the people in attendance were representative of the area and that ain’t necessarily a compliment. I assume advance ticket purchasers got an actual ticket yet people at the gate paid more and got nothing for a keepsake. Nothing to say, “Hey, I was at Vintage Wrestling on this day.” There is such a thing as value for your money, especially these days. A t-shirt is one thing, a plain flyer/program is another, but neither can replace a ticket stub.

Whatever they were doing to promote the show clearly wasn’t good enough. Success is gauged by money. You get money from paid asses in the seats and merchandise and concession sales. I don’t think they got much of any. Having said that, I enjoyed the show and had a good time. It was a bit too family friendly for my long-term taste but it was a good show. The venue was about the right size but the seats were raggedy and uncomfortable. The setup was okay, sound system was good enough with no distracting technical difficulties, concessions fairly priced, bathrooms decently clean. Chicks? What can I say, it’s Sanford.

Show’s supposed to start at 7:30p and they started a little ahead of time with a bonus match. So I can vouch for them that they start on time and that’s a major plus!

1. Jude Mackenzie pinned Prodigy in a triple-threat match with Jerrelle Clark.

Other results say Prodigy’s (who needs to update his website) ring name is Jason Sensation but I’m pretty damn sure the ring announcer said Prodigy. And people in the audience called him that too so that’s what I’m sticking with. Pretty safe to say the guy will never be a superstar but he needs a unique name if he’s gonna keep working. Jason Sensation was a WWE talent. The Prodigy is a music group. His old Luigi gimmick speaks for itself. So what’s a guy to do when he plows through ring names constantly? Just use his real name. If he ain’t got nobody looking for him to beat his ass or to collect some debt, it can’t hurt, can it? At least he’d have his own identity.

When Jerrelle (who needs to update his website) came out first, I pretty much knew the match would be good, and it was, but the crowd was dead the whole time so that took away from the work these guys were doing. My friend said Prodigy was announced at 161 pounds. My ass. As in my ass weighs more than him and I’m skinny my damn self. Still, I’ve seen the guy work many times before and even at his slim frame (he’s been in much better shape in the past), he’s a decent worker. Jerrelle, good as always. Jude…can’t say much. First time seeing him. His name stands out to me cuz I’m currently reading Paradise X: volume 2 tpb and who did Reed Richards just capture to replace Death…okay, okay, I won’t say anything else about that. Don’t wanna spoil it for those of you who haven’t read it yet.

After this, which was a pretty short match, they waited a good 10 or so minutes to restart the show at around 7:45p. Not many more people were streaming in. From what I understand, they drew twice as many at their last show. Now does this mean people didn’t like it and didn’t come back due to bad word of mouth or did the Magic game take a bite out of the attendance? Pretty sure there were several factors involved but it is what it is. Like I’ve said many times before, your competition ain’t just rival wrestling feds, it’s anyplace that people are that they can spend time and money. You gotta know your area and demographics. You could even put psychographics into the mix but I doubt they have the resources to go that far.

During this short wait, they did a 10-bell salute for John Tolos if I remember correctly. The bell ringer was some old guy whose last name was Garvin, I think. Unfortunately, this is the wrestling business and 10-bell salutes seem to be a regular occasion. Usually, ringing a damn bell doesn’t take much effort and goes off without a hitch. People stand up, bell gets rung 10 times and quite audibly and at regular intervals, people clap and then sit. But this time, the bell might’ve got rung 10 times but the fucking guy’s arthritis must’ve been acting up on him and he might’ve hit the damn thing more or less times. Soft sometimes, hard others; at a regular pace sometimes, too fast on others. It was pathetic. Hard to describe how bad it was. It’s fucked up that it appears the guy retired from wrestling long ago but damn, if he can’t even ring a fucking bell, it’s about time to hang up the clapper too.

The ring announcer was known as Sweatervest cuz he wears, well, a sweatervest. Doesn’t do a bad job but that faggy-looking bedazzled shit he wears with his gimmick name on the back just don’t cut it. Fucking thing looks like it says Sweateruest. That cat either needs a new sweater or needs to take that thing in for repairs. Wouldn’t be surprised if Garvin did it.

2. “The Stimulus” Sam Shaw w/ Robin Donahue pinned Brad Attitude in a semifinal match for the vacant Vintage heavyweight title.

I saw Brad Attitude job to Austin Aries (who also needs to update his website) at an ROH show. This was my 2nd time seeing him and he lost again. He’s got the look and can work but his ring record, from what I’ve seen, ain’t stellar. Sam Shaw on the other hand is a great talent. This was my first time seeing him and I’m very impressed. Here’s a guy that I can see being a major draw someday. He has the look, he’s in good shape, he’s young, ring work is good, can work the crowd, has unique facial expressions and mannerisms, can sell and has good pacing, all the tools are there. Would love to hear his mic work. Maybe he did some at the show but I don’t remember.

He doesn’t need his manager cuz that guy looks like a fucking cancer patient. And his suit looks like something he found in a bin in the back. This was the Salvation Army after all. If he’s gonna have a manager, it has to be someone suitable to his own gimmick and Robin just ain’t a good fit (pun intended). My friend like’s Shaw’s name and I do too. He needs to play the gimmick up more. Like having unique moves and giving them corresponding names. Like ‘the foreign policy,’ and ‘the tarp’ or some shit like that. I like that guy.

The match length was good and it woke the crowd up. There was one guy wearing a wig who heckled everyone. Still not sure what his role was; whether he was a plant or just some guy with nothing better to do that night. He was entertaining though. If not for him, the crowd probably woulda been dead the whole night.

3. Glacier pinned “Raw Dog” Aaron Epic w/ Miss Betsy in a semifinal match for the vacant Vintage heavyweight title.

To my knowledge, the question has still never been answered as to how Glacier got back his gimmick from Kaz Hayashi. I suppose he gave or sold it back cuz it got him nowhere too and Vince doesn’t care who uses it, provided he owns it. I’ve seen Aaron Epic plenty of times and he hasn’t changed a bit except that he has that big bitch Miss Betsy with him now who I never saw before. Is she really a descendant of Babe Ruth? Aaron is good on his own but she compliments him pretty well other than the skinny guy/fat chick stereotype and crappy ring gear. Glacier was on Burn Notice, one of my fave shows, but that don’t mean I was rooting for him. Wasn’t rooting for either of them really. Just another match. Aaron was dodging and yapping on the mic the whole match till he finally got in the ring and got pinned in, like, a minute.

I said it was a good match in my tweet cuz it was a short match. Epic was announced at 190 pounds. I got nothing to say on that. He has the ‘raw dog’ moniker now. Is that what he does to Miss Betsy?

4. “The Killing Machine” Raymond Snow pinned Sammy Haggard.

Sammy was talking shit on the mic beforehand. Snow came out. Was expecting some violence but this wasn’t that type of show. Then I thought I’d get a total squash match. Didn’t happen. Then I figured this match would be just as short as the previous matches. Still didn’t happen. Snow won convincingly but this match was longer than it shoulda been. Still short but still too long. Snow has lost a lot of weight, I’ll give him that. He probably got his nickname ‘the killing machine’ to describe what he used to do to dinner buffets. My friend, who works for the same company as him, sees him on occasion and wondered what happened? Stomach stapling? Gastric bypass? Lap band? Or good old fashioned diet and exercise? Let’s hope it’s the last one and he keeps on dropping those pounds. That way he can finally wipe his own ass and find his dick. It’s in there somewhere. I’m sure it misses him too.

5. This wasn’t a match. Rather, Sweatervest introduced Sean Solo, the commish, who came out to talk about the title tourney, I think. He had some munchkin with him dressed like a low rent Blues Brother as his bodyguard. Then Thomas Marr came out in regular clothes to talk shit. He kept saying he was the SCW champ but that fed is out of biz apparently so he was the last champ, I suppose. He complained about what was wrong with the biz: lightweights and skinny guys who ain’t in shape, bad ring announcers, stupid fans, and washed up veterans who won’t pass the torch, like Glacier and Lanny Poffo who were booked that night. Well, he ain’t lying. It’s all true. But more on that later. Then Chris Carson came out: referee and former SCW top dog, I presume.

Thomas had to be reminded that SCW was dead by the commish who later apologized to Carson for using such a derogatory term. Was Solo lying? Nope. Carson said SCW was alive in the fans’ hearts. Okay. He was invited by Solo to be the ref in the finals match for the Vintage belt and he accepted.

6. “The Korean Monster” Ryze pinned Dylan Night w/ Candi.

I looked online and it’s mostly spelled ‘Night’ (who needs to update his website) rather than ‘Knight’ so that’s what I’m going with. They announced the korean monster and I was expecting Kim Jong Il to come out but I was disappointed and got Ryze instead. Worst match of the night (pun intended). Ryze is out of shape but he does have a good finisher. That’s about the only highlight. Fans like him for some reason.

7. “The Genius” Lanny Poffo pinned “Raw Dog” Aaron Epic w/ Miss Betsy.

Poffo (whose website is up to date) came out with a clean shave and a haircut and his bod looks like that of a stereotypical yesteryear wrestler. Still has the same voice he used to and he’s not in bad shape but not in great shape either. He looks about like he should for someone his age in this business that wasn’t on the gas (at least I don’t think he was). He did some poetry from memory, got his applause, and Epic came out talking the same shit Marr was; about how the vets won’t pass the torch and let the young bucks come up. The match began and Epic was going extremely soft on him (in a non-sexual way). He was pulling all of his hits to take it easy on the old guy and still lost. Poffo busted out with a second-rope moonsault and got the pin.

When he was shaking hands with the fans afterwards, he asked me and my friend why we weren’t at the Magic game. We told him we were gonna go watch it after the show ended and he said he was too. Cuz we’re two tall black guys, that automatically means we’re basketball fans? We got a chuckle out of his profiling us. Props to him for risking mono by kissing Betsy during his match. And here I thought he was a faggot for all these years.

Intermission time. I peeped the dvd’s and merchandise. I understand they gotta make their money any way they can. It was mostly WWE toys and shirts available. I was surprised to see pirated dvd’s there. X-men: The Animated Series and the complete G.I. Joe collection and shit like that. No way I was buying either since X-men is finally on dvd and G.I. Joe will be released as a complete collection soon. Not much for retro observations except that Sweatervest kept talking about showing props to the sponsors yet reps were nowhere to be seen. At least I didn’t see nobody.

Reserved seating was simply front row seats with a piece of hand-written paper taped on the back of them that said ‘reserved.’ The second row was perfectly fine. We sat in the bleachers first but that shit was uncomfy so we moved up a notch. One would expect chairs to be more ergonomically correct than bleachers but my seat was all bent forward and shit. It was all men around me and you know how we sit, with our legs all open and shit, taking up space. I was like, fuck that, I had to make some room in that bitch so I moved the seats apart a little bit. Shit, I’m black and my dick and balls need to breathe and some room to move.

There was a little girl in front of me that Robin Donahue seemed to favor. He blew a kiss at her and touched her leg and was smiling. My friend thought he was a fucking pedophile and I thought that was funny. I think that was his daughter and he was just showing affection. But more on that later too.

8. Nooie Lee and The Hatchet City All-Stars beat Mike Cruz and The Vacation Foundation by pinfall.

The Vacation Foundation is a total joke. The guy in the striped blue shorts looked like a reject from this past season’s American Idol auditions and the motherfucker in the goldfish shorts was just as pathetic. It would appear they have what they think is a stereotypical Floridian gimmick but those two little bitch asses don’t rep me or my state, that’s for fucking sure. They’re an embarrassment to the sport. The very thing Marr was talking about that’s wrong with the biz. Can they work? Surprisingly yes.

Not that they’re good workers but they didn’t work as bad as they looked. I was expecting Nooie and Cruz to go singles eventually and that’s what happened as the All-Stars (I have no idea where or what the fuck Hatchet City is) and the Ejaculation Foundation brawled to the back. Really, the Foundation abandoned Cruz and the All-Stars followed them. I yelled at Cruz during the match, “Why don’t you get in there and help out ya boy?” He turned back and said, “I ain’t helpin’ these guys.” I don’t blame him cuz they ditched him anyway. Maybe they heard him. Nooie and Cruz are two little guys who happen to be in good shape and look like they’d have a good singles match. They were doing good solo work when the tag teams bounced out but the finish was disappointing. No flashy move, just Nooie getting a quick, lucky pin on Cruz. A singles rematch would be a smart move for the next show.

9. Chasyn Rance pinned Zoe.

Chasin’ Rats beat his student. Who knew Rats was qualified to teach? This was a mostly technical match with a fast pace. I’d only seen Zoe once before in a YouTube vid on floridaindies.com promoting a tag match with her partner Snow for an I Believe in Wrestling show. Honestly, she looked and sounded kinda mannish to me. Having seen her for the first time in person, I can safely say that she’s all woman and not a bad worker either. Other than her very nice physical stature, to me, she stands out more for her facial expressions. Whether she’s selling or just emoting, she does a good job with her face. Pun not intended but that can’t be helped, now can it?

Zoe and Rats hugged it out after her loss. Epic and Betsy came out and Bets challenged Zoe to a match cuz, according to her, Vintage ain’t big enough for the both of them. Since Bets is taking up all the room with her girth, that’s a true statement in a way. So that’s a match for the next show. Rats got announced as Chasyn “Not Cocky” Rance. Shouldn’t it be “Not Cocky” Chasyn Rance? Marr continues to be right.

10. Shawn Spears w/ XO pinned Biff Slater.

Shawn (whose website doesn’t even work) has been around the big feds and it shows. He’s got all the tools and reminds me a lot of Nigel McGuinness. Plus he has multiple names. Choose one. I don’t know why XO was even there since she did practically nothing except smile at her friend(s) in the audience. Biff reminds me of Bill DeMott. When XO did get involved, Spears snuck in a low blow and a pin. Who does he think he is, Attitude era Marc Mero? He did a lot of stalling like Epic did previously.

Let’s talk about staying in character. Donahue acknowledged what may have been his daughter during a match. XO does the same for her peeps. I don’t have a prob with them doing this at all but not during a match. Before or after but not during. Takes away from the heel gimmick since that’s what they were playing. Is distracting to fans whether anyone wants to believe that or not (remember, my friend thought he was a pedo). And it’s unprofessional. But that’s just my opinion. If you’re in or around that ring, you need to stay in character. Interact with the fans, but stay in character. She was looking back at her peeps and smiling almost the whole damn time till her moment came up. No real interactivity with the fans or the match at all.

Donahue wasn’t as bad as her but he turned from heel to seeming father figure each time he saw that kid. You know, a quick acknowledgment is okay. But 5-10 seconds during a match? Not good. But that’s just me. If I was a wrestler or manager/valet, I’d know my role and stick to it till the match is done and even when it’s over. I hate to say it, but motherfuckers need to stick to the script.

11. “The Stimulus” Sam Shaw w/ Robin Donahue pinned Glacier to become the first Vintage heavyweight champion.

Before Marr was lurking around at ringside, I knew a swerve was coming but I just didn’t know how. And I knew it’d involve Carson who eventually pulled a Teddy Long on Glacier. I think a different swerve woulda been better. Glacier was attacked afterwards by Shaw and crew but Jesse Neal came out to make the save. Signature move was a spear/gore but he ain’t exactly all beefed up like Goldberg or Rhino or even Edge to make it look effective. But he was trained by who he was trained by and this is naturally what we get. Nice brohawk though.

Now about that swerve, it all goes back to what Marr was saying and even what Epic was saying about the veterans. It doesn’t help the situation by making them faces. WCW did that with the New Blood storyline and it tanked. And it’s been done countless times to no avail since. TNA is doing the opposite with MEM but it’s TNA. They can’t do anything right. Poffo won his match and Glacier becomes the guy who got screwed over, automatically putting him in a longer term face position. Since he was playing face all night, I woulda had him turn heel on Neal, and Shaw and Marr would join him in the beatdown. That would put Neal over more and establish Glacier as a hated guy but not the guy in the top spot, which would be Shaw. That way, they could use him to not only help elevate Shaw and Marr but also Neal.

Glacier has never been a superstar. He’ll go down as having the biggest failed gimmick in the history of the sport. This company should acknowledge that and use it to their advantage to make his heel character bigger and his losses more meaningful to the up and coming talent. Shaw and Marr elevate simply by association. Glacier could possibly be Shaw’s more appropriate manager and possibly ditch or lose the Glacier gimmick (again) altogether. But that’s only if he was gonna be around for the long term and if the fed ran shows more often. Everyone wins. But these promoters keep letting the old guys stay face and letting them win. I’m not saying they should job left and right. I am saying they should realize their place, use their remaining star power to their advantage, and help the younger guys get over, whether it be as face or heel. Really, it’s all in the booking as usual.

If a vet still has what it takes to have good matches and main event, then by all means use them. But in a case like Glacier and Poffo, their stars weren’t that bright to begin with. Poffo shoulda lost his match. It doesn’t help a guy like Epic who lived up to the chants of ‘epic failure’ that night. What does Poffo gain other than recognition he already has? Epic loses more when he jobs to a guy like Poffo. It just doesn’t look good and it’s not believable. Had Poffo been built up over time as a washed-up wrestler and he stole a win, I got no prob with that. But this is a one-shot where the young guy would benefit more. But agreements were made and this is what we’re stuck with in the history books.

Not a bad show overall. I did have a really good time even though I chose not to take a single pic or any video (but I still bring my cam along everywhere I go). For the most part, the matches and progression was good although 3 hours was a lot longer than it should’ve been. Given what else was going on that night, assuring a shorter card coulda been to their benefit. They coulda cut out 2 or 3 matches, not have had the break at the start of the show, and shortened the intermission. I know they use it to give people a break to go spend money on food and merchandise, but if people really wanted it, they would get it. That’s how I see it. Progression was good as I mentioned but they could learn how to better space apart the matches and intros to give people time to spend their money without having a super-long intermission. Time is money and 3 hours for an indy show is just too long.

The action never spilled beyond the rails. When I say family friendly, I mean family friendly. Spears even uttered “mother pearl” when he was selling a spot. No blood, no foul language, no gratuitous violence, no underdressed women. It was truly vintage, just like the old days. So they’re keeping pace with their namesake. Would I attend another card? If I had the time, I’d say yes, provided they book the matches I expect that resulted from this show and if they lower the ticket prices to reflect the true value of the show.

My main reason for attending is that I hadn’t seen any good wrestling for a long time and I finally had a Saturday free. Plus I wanted to see some new talent instead of the same guys over and over again doing the same ol’ shit. I got a good mix of both so I’m not disappointed at all. So I personally give Vintage a thumbs up. There’s definite room for improvement and i’ll be keeping my eyes open to see if any of what I feel are necessary changes take place. If things look right when the next show pops up, they’ll get my time and money. And maybe yours too. I’m not the one in charge but I am the one with the money, just like the other fans who paid, so whether you like it or not, that counts for something each and every time.

A night out this past Sunday where backup plans came in handy.

kow626 — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:57:12 -0400

Went out this past Sunday night out of boredom. Waited on my friend, who shall remain nameless, to get out of work before heading out. The plan was to go see Terminator: Salvation (which I just found out has a ride) and hop over to another movie or 2. If he got out of work at 4:30 like he was originally going to, we woulda been able to do it. But he got out 2 hours later than that. Neither of us had eaten and his folks were staying in town for the weekend and they cooked, so we hit them up first, got our fill, and then headed out. By then, it was close to 9p which was kinda late to do a triple-header so we decided on trying to do 2 movies instead of 3.

He kinda fucked us up cuz he stopped at his house first before coming here to pick me up so that cost us some time. Paying for the usual overpriced theater food was completely out of the question. Free, cooked food was the way we were going. His parents were staying at the Star Island Resort down in Kissimmee. After getting our grub on, we’d head out to Downtown Disney to peep our flicks. His peeps cooked up some baked chicken, boned and boneless, and some turkey burgers that were the bomb. We coulda kicked back and stuffed ourselves so full that we couldn’t even move (it’s happened before) and that itis would kick in and fuck us all up during the movies. So we only ate just enough so that we wouldn’t have to get up and take a shit during the middle of the movies or be so tired that we’d fall asleep from overeating.

We got our fill, he gave me a little tour of the rooms they have there for design inspiration for my house, and then we had to bounce cuz it was getting later. While there, the Magic were about to play Cleveland in the third playoff game. I hadn’t seen a Magic game in forever and we thought about hanging around but we were determined to see our movies. And his parents would be a buzzkill cuz they’re old and reserved while we’re wild and cuss and cut up and act a fuckin’ fool all the time when we’re out. Woulda been an awkward night if we stuck around there.

The buildings were multi-story. Maybe 5 or 6 from what I can remember. The rooms were pretty well designed if not a little old and energy inefficient (cuz there were fluorescent light bulbs everywhere). They still had crt tv’s in the living room and bedroom. It was a 1-bedroom. Full kitchen, mini-bar, washer/dryer, spa, patio, pretty much what you’d expect in a higher end hotel room. I have no clue what they paid but it was nice for an extended stay. Bout all I could complain about was them old ass tv’s.

So we got our food on and bounced. While heading towards DT Disney, we saw the Characters in Flight balloon in the air. We couldn’t believe it. Every other occasion, the damn thing is grounded. I guess Disney got a clue and figured out that Florida weather is what it is and if they didn’t launch that motherfucker on a more regular basis, it woulda been a waste of an investment. 400 feet up is its max and it didn’t appear that high from the looks of things. It looked like no one was in it at first but the safety bars are the height of a person. I guess so that no one with suicidal tendencies gets any ideas.

It was a little after 9 or so at this point. We hit up AMC and the next showtime for Terminator was 10:10p. Last showing was 8p. What the fuck? A busy weekend with big movies and showtimes were 2 hours apart? And this theater has 24 auditoriums! We thought that was ridiculous cuz other theaters in the area were showing the big movies, like, every 15 or 30 minutes. We wasn’t gonna wait an hour to see shit. In addition, we found an easy way in and did a walkthrough the theater but got spotted by a security guard who noticed us outside previously and he tailed us. Didn’t mean shit to us cuz we were leaving anyway. Nothing was showing at a convenient time. Coulda snuck into any movie we wanted and that security guard couldn’t do shit about it. Not like other people didn’t get in using the same method we did. It was just too easy.

If we saw Terminator at 10:10p, that’d leave no time to hop another movie cuz they had no later showings of anything. How stupid is that? People crawling all over the place and the last movies were on around 10p? But anyway, without spilling my free admission secrets, since seeing the movies was a bust, we decided to peep the balloon ride. There was a lame magician act next to it, really lame, but then we decided not to do the ride cuz it was dark, photo ops would be non-existent, and I left my cam at home cuz I didn’t wanna get it wet if it decided to rain again. So we went to yet another option and that was to hit up Jacon.

I had planned on doing Jacon but since I’m unemployed, I ain’t trying to spend unnecessarily on time or money. This was the very last event ever and he knew where it was being held so he led the way since he was driving anyway. We got to the Ramada where it was being held, which was close to Star Island, and the event was already done. There were still some nerd stragglers dressed in cosplay but Jacon was a wrap. Not wanting to waste the trip, we walked around the hotel. Place was a ghost town. With this plan ruined too, we ended up with the Magic game as our last option. A restaurant/bar in the hotel had the game on but the tv’s were too small, no sound, and no one was there to add excitement. We found a fitness room onsite and it was open and empty with an old crt tv in it. The game was on it though and we had that room all to ourselves. Prob was we didn’t have no pussy with us so the opportunity got tired real quick.

I wouldn’t even call it a fitness room. Just a few pieces of equipment in a tight space. But it was wide open and unlocked, even at that hour. If you got a girl (or guy) and wanna have a little party where no one will bother you, now you know a spot where you can get that and a non-sexual workout. At this point, we wanted to find a place showing the game but Kissimmee is just a lame ass town. We drove around looking for a live spot but found nothing of interest. We did find a middle-eastern supermarket and gas station next to a Wal-Mart where 2 guys wearing turbans were walking into. My friend said, “Look at them terrorists.” Asshole. Then we saw 2 black chicks walking down the street and he hollered at them. They weren’t prosties or anything but his pick-up line was pathetic: “How ya’ll doing? Ya’ll look good.” Huh? You think them bitches ain’t heard that one before? You think they don’t get hit on by guys all the time that say the exact same stupid bullshit? Gimme a break. And no, he didn’t get no digits or nothing. So we kept on driving.

He just bought a Disney annual pass. We saw a sign for Gay Days and I told him, “So that’s why you bought that pass.” So he’d have unlimited admission to hang with his peeps in the park. We were just poppin’ out with bullshit all night. Passed a place by called Harry Ramsbottoms. I guess it’s a british bar. We joked about the name: “What does Harry do? He rams bottoms!” In retrospect, we shoulda hit that bitch up cuz I know them people know how to have a good time. We passed by a jamaican club and I knew that shit was gonna be lame. Couldn’t understand a word they’d say, probably weren’t showing the game, if they were, you couldn’t hear it over the reggae. If we were just gonna club, it wouldn’t be an issue. But I did say, “Fuck that. I ain’t tryin’ to get stabbed or get no body parts cut off.” Cuz, you know, they always got a blade on ‘em or a machete close by…so we kept on driving.

Saw a TGI Fridays and thought about going in but they’d try to charge a nigger for food. But our stomachs were still good so we passed on that idea. Only one option left: watch the game with his parents. Then he realized that there was a karaoke bar at the resort and they had tv’s. We heard the lousy singing when we left before so hearing the game wasn’t an option. There was a smell on our way into the resort that wasn’t there before. I said that it was probably the water cuz spics drink the same water they bathe in. We were just bad, real bad, with the stereotypes all night. I came up with that one out of nowhere cuz, in case you didn’t know, Kissimmee’s populace is known in the area as consisting of mostly ‘hicks and spics.’

Come to think of it, the first time we got to the resort, the security guard asked to see a visitor pass but my friend couldn’t find it. He gave the guard the room number and last name of his parents but the guard never checked. He just let us go in. Now is that good security? Hell no. We coulda been anyone, said anything to get in and they let us. Twice! Cuz they waved us through the second time. So what’s the point of them being there if they ain’t doing their job? Like I always say, people are living in a false sense of security.

We parked, walked through the lobby area where they have internet access for, if I remember correctly, .45 cents a minute or some shit which is just ridiculous. Bitches working at the front desk attractive as always. They know why they got their jobs. Wouldn’t be surprised if the top dog was a guy who hired their asses. There’s a game room. The pool was nice. Had a waterfall in the middle but it wasn’t on. People were actually out there swimming but it was kinda cool outside and the water was too. They obviously didn’t give a flying fuck, now did they? Tennis court was right next to it. Went upstairs to the karaoke bar and they were pretty live. Atrocious singing as expected but the game was on flat screens, people around to be social with, and it was free.

Not much for talent. Only 1, maybe 2, chicks that I’d consider attractive. The rest, about 30-40 chicks, were all either jailbait or fat and sloppy. It was an outside bar area and they allowed smoking. We got a whiff and were almost about to leave cuz of that shit but decided to stick around since the smells dissipated pretty quick and the motherfuckers doing it around us went further from us. It’d be my first time watching a Magic game in many, many years. We won! Maybe next season I’ll start getting back into my Magic and Bills. Felt good watching sports again.

Nasty ass bitches were line dancing to the music, jiggling their fat, drinking, smoking…wasn’t my scene but it was fun for the moment. A group of bitches in particular caught my friend’s eye. One bitch was decent looking but she was a train wreck. He tried to hit up on it and she had a kid who was there and the kid had more cellulite on her thighs than Albertsons chicken. She looked 30 but the bitch was fucking 15! Then one of the front desk staff came up to watch the game and he hit up on that and she was 16! Fucking guy knows how to pick ‘em, don’t he? Stupid motherfucker just struck out all night. I didn’t say shit to not one bitch cuz damn near all of ‘em wasn’t my steelo. I got standards.

He felt one of ‘em up who was plastered, the one with the old looking teen for a kid, and later exchanged numbers when we got in our car ready to roll out. We saw the kid walking her mom back to their room. That’s when he came to the realization that he wasn’t gonna leave without banging the drunk, whore, smoked out, probably junkie mom. Imagine a kid having to tend to someone like that? Hitting on strange men and shit. Drunk and barely able to walk. Bitch, who was spanish, even said that her kid was mixed and that she wanted some more black dick cuz “them crackers don’t know how to eat pussy.” Um, didn’t that used to be us black folk? Times really have changed. How embarrassing for that kid to have to put up with that. My friend said fuck it, cuz they were getting closer to their room, so he left me in the car to give it a shot but by then the mom and daughter were in their room and he couldn’t find them. He did call her, cuz he just got her number, but she ain’t pick up. He got voice mail. Gee, what a surprise. If you’re willing to chase after something like that, man, you got problems.

If she woulda came at me and wanted to fuck, I don’t know if I would have or not. She wasn’t completely unattractive but that bitch was hammered. A quick fuck? Don’t know. A blowjob? Still don’t know. That’d be a game time decision for me. Now if she was super smokin’ hot then you already know the answer. Shit, I’m single. Pop that bitch, dirt the shit outta her ass, and ditch her. Ain’t like she gonna remember shit. She’ll just have an aching pussy, ass, and mouth to remember me by. I don’t leave evidence behind cuz it’d all be down her throat.

After his failed attempt at knocking that trash bitch out, we went back to my place. But not after cruising Kissimmee, I-drive, and then my neighborhood looking for some tail, but there was none out and about. Got to my place and watched the latest Cheaters episode that he was telling me about. Said I wouldn’t believe it when I saw it. He was right. That shit was brutal! I’ll be streaming it this coming weekend so you can see for yourself.

This is how to download and save music from MySpace music player for free and without having to install anything.

kow626 — Mon, 11 May 2009 10:27:35 -0400

Downloading is one thing. As soon as you visit most (but not all) artist pages on myspace music, you’re progressively downloading tracks when they play, usually automatically since they have it set that way and there’s no stop button. And the stream is usually saved as a temporary file on your computer. When you refresh the page or leave it and revisit, the dl starts all over again in most cases. Saving the tracks to your hard drive in a portable format and being able to keep them in your collection, burn them, share, or whatever is a totally different beast.

So here’s what happened with me. I was peeping my torrent sites to see what’s new. I noticed that Cam’ron’s new joint is out. In the tracklist, most of the tracks said ‘produced by Skitzo.’ I had no clue who he was, what he’s done, what he looks like. So I peeped wikipedia to see what’s new with Cam first of all since he ain’t did shit in a while. Then I researched Skitzo. Found his myspace page along the way. He has some tracks in his myspace music player. I noticed one of them has tons more plays than the rest so I listened to that one to find out what was so good about it. That track would be ‘Puter Luv’ produced by Skitzo, sung by Rob Rhaspy. Lemme tell ya, that song is slammin’! Definitely should be a single at some point. I went ahead n listened to the other tracks but that one really stood out. I did a search to see if the song was available for dl anywhere, as a single or on an album. Nowhere to be found. So that player is the one and only place to get it if I didn’t wanna wait for an official release (and I didn’t).

So I went to a site that I’ve used primarily to dl Imeem flv streams and then convert them to mp3. That site is file2hd.com. It lets you put in a web addy n show you all the diff types of media on the page. Like images, audio, video, etc. It’s not a perfect site as it doesn’t catch everything but that’s probably mainly due to site encryption and file security. Usually I use p2p for singles, http and bittorrent for albums. The song was simply not available so I put in Skitzo’s myspace page and did an audio search. From here I’ll do a step-by-step sorta tutorial so you can follow along and see for yourself that the method works (on a pc since that’s what I use).

Okay, let’s use Skitzo’s myspace page as the example. http://www.myspace.com/skitzofrenyc. You see the music player immediately. At the top right of the player, there’s an option for a pop out/pop up player. You can click that and the player will pop up in a separate window. If the address bar is showing, you’ll see http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.popupplayer&sindex=-1.3&shuffle=false&amix=false&pmix=false&plid=35213&artid=2125929&profid=70614985&friendid=70614985&sseed=0&ptype=3&stime=15.647&ap=1. You can also use this addy if you like. It’ll yield the same results.

Now, copy either address (I’ll be using his myspace page in this example) and go to file2hd.com. Paste either addy in the url box, put a check in the box next to ‘I have read…,’ and click the audio button in the filter selections. Currently there’s an ad for amateur emo girls (that’s what shows up on my computer anyway). Probably a dating, porn, or cam site. You wanna click that link for some wank material or potential hookup with a ghost, that’s up to you. Doesn’t have a damn thing to do with what I’m trying to tell you now. Also, there’s a link to a web proxy next to the ad. Again, up to you if you wanna waste your time cuz all it’s gonna do is try to get you to buy something you don’t need and that you can get for free someplace else as I’ll show you. If that site’s admin wants some financial support, they gotta come up with something else cuz that shit they got now ain’t gonna cut it.

Getting back to the biz at hand, go ahead and click ‘get files’ and your results should currently look like this. I say currently cuz the music he has uploaded will no doubt change over time. But for those of you checking this out within a reasonable amount of time from the post date, that’s what you should see. In the search results you’ll see ‘featured playlist (standard quality)’ and ‘original version (high quality).’ It also says ‘older player songs’ at the bottom but we ain’t gonna focus on that right now. You can experiment with this shit on your own time. Don’t know ‘bout you, but if I can get my music in a higher quality format then that’s what I’ll get. Go ahead and right click the higher quality ‘puter luv’ mp3 and select ‘copy link location.’

Here’s where things get problematic. I didn’t try the ‘multiple album/playlist support’ feature cuz Skitzo’s page don’t have a full album. I just wanted a single, and a high quality one, so that’s the focus right now. You see where it says ‘notes’ next to ‘high quality?’ That explains that US based ip addresses have some kind of restrictions on our ability to save the files from myspace music via file2hd. We have to take an extra step. So go ahead and click ‘notes’ to do some reading for more info. If you try to dl high quality, it’ll appear that it dl’d just fine but in reality the file is only a few kilobytes in size. Standard quality dl’s just fine but hey, it’s standard quality at 96kbps versus high quality at 160kbps. Which one do you want? Thought so.

So you have the link location saved and are ready to dl the high quality file. According to the blog contained in the ‘notes’ link, US surfers need to use a non-US based web proxy. I tested 2 different ones from the blog’s article comments but let’s just use proxificate.net which I found there. Go ahead and click the link, paste the address into the search box and click ‘browse.’ You’ll get prompted to open or save the file which is a stream. Save it somewhere that you can find it. Where it says ‘save as type,’ don’t mess with that. Leave it alone. But you can change the file name to whatever you like. And here’s the most important step: type ‘.mp3’ at the end of the file name so that it saves to the computer in that format since that’s the original format of the file. If the original file said ’.wma,’ then you’d save it as such. Always save in the original format. And that’s it. You can play the file or do whatever you want with it.

But let’s say you’re the impatient type and forgot to add the file extension while saving. Now you got some file with a .part extension that nothing on your computer will open. Here’s the fix to that. Just go to the saved file, right click it and select rename. Go to the end of the file name and delete ‘.part’ and change it to ‘.mp3.’ Click anywhere outside of the rename area and that’s it. You’re good to go. Simple, quick, easy, effective, and you don’t have to buy some garbage program or install anything on your computer to get the job done.

So why doesn’t myspace have a purchase option for tracks appearing on official artist pages? You can see where it says ‘buy’ but as far as what I’ve seen, there’s hardly ever any button there to do anything in most cases. I see Amazon mp3 links occasionally. But other than that, there’s usually no option to buy. So what’s a person to do if they like a song and can’t get it anywhere? And they wonder why people go the so-called illegal or piracy route. Don’t feel bad for using this method to get your music. This ain’t the only method but it’s the easiest win it comes to myspace music. If artists want support, if labels want people to buy shit, give us an option to do so and let us determine the value of what we’re paying for. I’m not paying a buck for one track. It just ain’t gonna happen. For ‘puter luv,’ I’d honestly pay between .35 and 50 cents cuz the song is good, I know I’d be listening to it in the future, and the file quality is high. There’s no donation link, no purchase link, no nothing for me to slide the artist a little piece of cheddar. Add up the chump change over time from different donors and you’ll see the significance. Rather that than nothing at all, right?

Yeah, I download and share files. Call me a pirate, call me whatever. I got money that I wanna give to support what I like but I wanna name my own price when it comes to digital downloads. The file is finished and in a complete form. People are mainly paying for storage and bandwidth in the price of a track I’ll bet. Give us the name-your-own-price option and you’ll get the money that you think you’re losing. Lost sales, or non-existent sales opportunities, are nobody’s fault but your own.