Job hunting has kept me from doing this update. It’s paid off cuz I finally got an interview. I pretty much summed up almost all of the day’s experiences in my tweets. So here they are:

1.    in downtown tampa. pothole hell n its dead as furk. where im parked now theres practically no other cars in site. n i thought orl was bad.

2.    cirque start@3:30. im here early. wanted 2 eat b4hand but aint noplace down here. guess im eatin arena food. hope will call line aint long.

3.    parkin is 10 bucks cash. dey dont take credit. dat sucks. parkin is close as fuck though. like rite smack in front of da arena. cant hate.

4.    chick @ will call was talkin 2 a coworker while i was standin @ da window. i knocked on it 2 get her attention. coworker snapped @ me.

5.    bitch said 'im talkin 2 her.' i dont giv a fuck! bitch, do yo damn job n gimme my ticket. u on da clock n gettin paid, im not! bitch!

6.    mickey d's box office got clown feet footprints on da sidewalk leadin up 2 it. shit is yellow n red like u'd xpect.

7.    bitch out here yellin dat dey aint no cams allowed inside. gotta go ditch mine. glad i parked close. ill jus snap pics on my phone. no prob.

8.    motherfucker threw a cig on da ground right in front of a cop who was lookin rite @him. woulda ticketed da shit outta dat litterbug fuckbag.

9.    dey chek ur bags b4 goin in. programs r $15. dey scan ur tix den let u in. sum peeps r overdressed. others dont giv a fuck how dey look.

10.dey wont let u walk around da lobby n shit. cat is rite dere n will cut u da fuck rite off. smokers got dey own area. aint dat a bitch.

11.'five guys' got a big booth. employees jus standin around lookin pathetic. like roaches lookin @ new tenants movin in n shit.

12.dey got a really good selection of food up in here. big bar area too. old crt n new hdtv's. floor is scraped up 2 hell though.

13.bathroom pissers r unique in shape. i got a $9 philly cheesesteak. damn thing is huge n worth it! chose dis ova da other food.

14.guy said his subs were da best deal in da joint. dey come loaded n its a lot of food. aint had 1 in a grip. taste good so far

15.dey got a chill area in their guest services. nice. sub guy aint chek my id n said i aint gotta sign if not ova $20. das wack!

16.i got good side seats. curious if deyll perform 4 da sides. cat nxt 2 me is readin da paper while we wait 4 da show 2 start.

17.got sum top notch chicks in here, das 4 damn sure. place is half empty. my plan was 2 buy a cheap student seat n move. looks like itll work.

18.cats in here sellin carvel ice cream. seats aint well padded but comfy. i paid $43 4 my seats n dey aint chek my student id either!

19.wut am i tweetin bout? cirque du soleil saltimbanco in da st pete times forum in tampa. my bizad.

20.fucking amazing! shit ive neva seen b4 in my life! aight. made my move from sec 103 to 109. from side to front. knew itd work. hahahaaaa!!!

21.dis show does a betta job of catering to da sides dan la nouba, ill giv em dat. sides requires lots of eye movements 2 soak it all in.

22.lotta crowd interaction 2 start. its intermission time now. 20 fucking minutes! like, wut da fuck?! nouba jus does dat shit all da way thru.

23.started wit pole balancing, den a bicyclist, a solo mime act, a juggler den sumthin i cant describe. like sum yoyo type shit. i dont know...

24.im in da seats dat cost damn near a hundred bucks now win u include da fees n shit. saved myself a good $50 n sum change. WORD LIFE, KID!

25.deez motherfuckers hockin da shit out dat ice cream. yeah, its hot outside but nice n comfy cozy in here. aint nobody buyin dat shit.

26.arena is cut in half n curtained off. 3rd level is a ghost town. 2nd level is too almost. fools in dem suites paid all dat $ 4 wut?

27.shows over. 2 hours total. live music wit only 1 singer. special acts aint come out 4 individual applause @ end. thought dey would.

28.2nd half had a giant swing, 2 trapeze ladies, mime act, 2 guys body balancing n 4 wired trapeze artists wit usual cirque comedy tucked btwn.

29.sum adult stuff too. flatulence, wang shaking, mime shit himself n was swimmin in shit, da 2 trapeze ladies were highly erotic too.

30.usher said i gotta bounce out. good show n worth da money. blew my mind n saw shit i never saw b4. trapeze ladies was most dangerous by far.

31.goddamn mens rooms sinks r so low dey should call it a little boys room. fuck, man. warm water in da fountains too. u know y. 2 get u 2 buy.

32.im parked in da 'dave andreychuks grille' lot. rite across da street from da arena n da lot is empty. im stayin parked n walkin around.

33.my car is safe n secure where its @ n mo importantly paid, so i dipped n2 dis big ass marriott nxt door. jus chillin overlookin da pier.

34.shit! fuckin bathrooms in dis mofo r clean n top of da fuckin line. if i had a bitch wit me rite now, i know exactly wut id b doin n where!

35.went all up in n around dat marriott. staff areas 2. shit bout as secure as a loose condom. in da tampa convention center now.

36.dis place is puny n unsecure of course. coulda went places in here i know i shouldnt b but didnt. cams everywhere 2. dont matter 2 me.

37.place got disco balls hangin outside. wut kinda cheesy ass bullshit is dat? was gonna stroll thru dt tampa 4 da 1st time but no time left.

38.channelside area is pretty packed. brought my seat but left it in my trunk. lotta peeple brought theirs. hot as fuck out here too.

39.fuk it. went n got my chair. in 'the hut' 2 get a bacon cheeseburger. $8. den ill dip bak 2 watch da fireworks. almost time.

40.fireworks all along da interstate n in my hood. home now. prolly walked a good 3 or 4 miles total 2day. aint like i got weight 2 lose...

41.channelside's fireworks were okay. prolly da same as anyplace else. i sat upfront n dem shits look like sumthin in 3d. like rite in yo face.

Two things stuck out for the day: why the fuck would you bring a damn baby to Cirque? You can afford tickets to that shit, bitches, you can afford a damn babysitter. You know they was crying during the show and shit and getting the shush from their moms (but it wasn’t too distracting). This was only in the expensive seat area, not the sides where I was before. Which means I know they had money for a sitter. Some of you moms out there are just stupid as fuck. LEAVE THE DAMN BABY AT HOME! They’re too young to appreciate and enjoy the show. That’s why they’re acting up and crying and talking. Dumb asses. Better yet, just don’t have kids, period. The world is overpopulated enough.

The other thing was the false sense of security that still exists. When I was at the top floor of that Marriott, motherfuckers room doors were open and unlocked while they’re sitting up in there shootin’ the shit. I could hear them. Employee entrances were just as wide open. I went right up into the top floor housekeeping room trying to get up to the roof to take pics. At least they had those doors locked. But I coulda hopped in the employee elevators and had free reign. Nobody woulda said shit cuz nobody was around to say shit. Same goes for the Tampa convention center. They had some dothead event going on.

Originally, I thought the joint was closed so I was gonna take a stroll through downtown. I saw an employee walk in so that meant to me it was open. But she locked the door behind her. Then I saw some dotties go inside. So that meant these other doors weren’t locked completely. So I followed them in and took a personal tour of the place. Meeting rooms, convention halls, janitor closets, maintenance rooms, employee areas, all of it was wide open. Even with security cams everywhere and even some guards walking around, I still did my shit. Yep, tried to get on that roof there too but it was locked. Beautiful views outside the windows though, can’t deny that. So for all you terrorists out there that wanna plant bombs and blow some shit up for the fuck of it, you know a couple spots now.

It was hot as fuck outside too. When I was at Channelside, I was in the mood for some ice cream. They got a Cold Stone Creamery down there. Damn line was out the fucking door. I was like, hell naw, I ain’t waitin’ damn near no hour just for some fuckin’ ice cream. Fuck that. This was before I hit up that Hut joint. I’d been to Channelside once before with a friend to kill some time before a movie. It wasn’t packed like this. Other than the ice cream, I was looking for a napkin to wipe my sweat but not one damn place had any publicly available. That’s the catalyst for me going back to my car to get my chair and shirt that I use to hide my head from the sun and absorb sweat. Good decision on my part. Still got a good view of the fireworks, right up front despite the large crowd. Across the water, the rich people in the condos were doing fireworks, albeit on an extremely small scale. Don’t take much to wow some folks judging by the reactions of people around me.

Channelside’s shit was supposed to take place on this Garrison barge or some shit. Across the way still is an industrial plant. There was a huge tanker and I thought that was the barge but it wasn’t. Just some little boat that paled in comparison. But at least I got the experience under my belt. Something new. No one else wanted to go with me or could go and I ain’t the type to be waiting on nobody. If I’m gonna do something, I’m gonna do it, even if it’s alone. I can’t let life experiences pass me by.

Probably won’t do Channelside again but not because motherfuckers were passing gas around me. Nasty, stank motherfuckers. Just cuz it’s outside don’t mean the shit ain’t gonna smell like shit. Still got people around you, assholes. And it wasn’t windy! Would rather have been around the cigarette smokers. Shit. But that’s under the belt now. Would love to see another iteration of the Cirque show. Like I said, a lot of the shit they were doing I’d never seen before. I ain’t even know what to call a lot of that shit. Having peeped the website now, they did everything but the Adagio act. Don’t know if they scaled things back a bit cuz it was an afternoon show or cuz of the low attendance. Woulda been nice to see though. I also think all the acts shoulda came out for their respective applause, not just the main Cirque performers.

They speak sometimes before and during the performance but it ain’t english. I don’t know if it was french or italian (probably the latter) but it don’t detract from enjoyment of the show. I assume now that the intermission was to generate sales in the lobby due to the low attendance. Also, cuz they didn’t do one act, they had to fill that time to extend the show to 2 hours so people would get the impression that they got their money’s worth. I know how you do, Cirque.

There were 3 highlights for me. One was during the juggling act. A Cirque performer was playing the part of a kid trying to give the juggler a ball to juggle. One time, he was sitting on the stage floor and they were playing some music and he was dancing to it while still sitting. The way he was dancing in combination with the silly mask he wore just had me in tears. That shit was funny. Hard to describe it.

No mistakes were made. A couple slip-ups for those paying attention but nothing that was painfully obvious. Live music right there on stage was flawless. The one singer was more incorporated into the show than La Nouba. If you sit close to the stage, you could end up on it like one fat guy who did a good job following the mime’s instructions. Lots of interactivity with this show. When I said during a tweet that there was some adult stuff, the main one was the mime (if that’s what he’s considered) shaking a little squirrel tail on one of his outfits like it was a dick. It was funny but I bet some parents ain’t like that shit.

The duo trapeze is incredibly dangerous. No wires or nothing. You almost fear for them. Even the slightest mistake meant severe injury or death to the performers and maybe even audience members. But they pulled everything off. Some of this shit was just jaw-dropping. You wanna see them fuck up but at the same time, like, these people are professional enough and ticket prices are high enough that you don’t wanna see mistakes and they deliver on that. Still, that duo trapeze is a sight to see. The lesbian eroticism associated with it is a plus!

The blonde chick with the wavy hair that works at the Hut though, that bitch was on point. Wanted to holla but hell, I ain’t from Tampa. And according to her, they were understaffed and had too many people pouring in for the fireworks festivities. I can confirm that as true. I woulda been a forgotten man being that she was the only waitress there having to tend to all those people. Guy I sat next to at the bar area asked if they allowed smoking inside. Bartender said, “Nope.” Ketchup inside the bottle they gave me for my burger was new and didn’t budge an inch even though I left it upside down for several minutes. Heinz, I know you think that’s a plus for your product but it ain’t. Loosen that shit up. No, don’t do that. Just stop using glass bottles. Cuz it could be used as a weapon by a drunk. That’s a good enough reason, right?

A touring Cirque show ain’t gonna be flying around here again anytime soon so I’m glad I went. And the cost was just right! I guess my next one will be when I finally make that trip to Vegas to see the show out there amongst many other things I plan on doing while in town. So do I recommend seeing Saltimbanco? Hell fuck yeah!