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I got a commemorative pin and ticket for my birthday. Ticket is here. Pin is here. Parking ticket is here.
Twitter is pretty useful, I must admit. Gets the thoughts out of my head and online to share for everyone who gives a damn to see. Makes for easier blog posting too. So here’s my tweets as they relate to my free admission birthday trip to Disney.
1. got my free breakfast @ embassy suites 2 fill up 4 my day @ disney hollywood studios. parkin was 12 bucks. lot was half empty.
2. took tram 2 get 2 da gate. hit will call 4 free admission. gave me a happy bday pin wit my name wrote on it n a hard plastic bday ticket.
3. got right in as soon as dey opened. no line except 4 will call but tower of terror line is 30 min wait. doin dat roller coaster nxt.
4. mofos send u thru a house, den u wait in a library. u think u bout 2 get on but u aint. u gotta wait in another line but it aint long.
5. ToT wasnt as scary as i remember. doctor doom is betta. mega drop is even betta dan dat. bitch grabbin on my leg n shit durin da drop...
6. dey jus said da single rider line is same hour wait as regular line. prob is dat deez mofos aint singles. fuckin shit up 4 peeple like me.
7. gotta make sure 2 secure ur shit on ToT cuz dat shit could go flyin around n fuckin peeple up. aint happ win i was on it but im jus sayin.
8. im wearin my bday pin. peeps in front of me wished me a happy bday. guess i gotta get used 2 it.
9. coaster was ok. not really xtreme but takeoff was fast. raise ur hands n u'll b an amputee! only last a couple mins n not dat fast.
10.wait time was 50 mins but coulda been less if real singles was in da line. shit should b enforced. n secure ur shit cuz u bring it wit u.
11.dis is fla n dat means da rain is comin. ducked n2 da idol theater 4 da 1st show 2 avoid dat shit. its packed. theater is nice.
12.black guy is da host. his name is mark. prolly a comedian cuz he's pretty funny.
13.alexandra barbera, hannah kintner n robbie pate r performin. jeanette is da real host. my bad. mark was jus da warm up.
14.14yo barbera sung 'part of da world.' didnt hit her high notes. low on performance. mean judge was da only honest 1.
15.robbie pate from irvine cali is singin 'its good 2 b us.' not bad. low on breath control n performance. judges were all rite dis time.
16.18yo kintner from bama is singin 'stop in da name of love.' looks up 2 da ceiling 2 much. betta perf dan others. judges were all rite again.
17.randy, lisa n sheila r da judges. sheilas da mean 1. randy a lookalike. lisa da hot outspoken blonde.
18.i voted 4 pate. kintner won. jeanette walks n looks like a former model wit dem long skinny ass legs. twas ok. no REAL auditions like tv :(
19.muppetvision 3d was ok. dem old men in da balcony was killin me wit dey comedy. dem mofos was funny n well written. power rangers r out now.
20.indy jones show started slow so i ditched dat shit. waitin in line @ star tours. my bitch nigga homey finally showed up.
21.star tours aint bout much. jus like dat arctic ride @ sea world. wait was like 20 mins. rude ass attendant 2. got on us 4 laffin b4 da ride.
22.action stunt show is lame. impressiv but lame. mofo aint catch on fire so dey showed footage from yest win it worked. not bad but not great.
23.mofos pik sum1 from da audience 2 drive 1 of da cars by remote. dont fall 4 it. sum1s drivin it on da other side dat u cant c. huge crowd.
24.@ studio backlot tour. said wait was 20 min but was only 5. u could get wet! wont say how :) cold water fountains evrywhere. props 2 disney.
25.ant c shit on deez cheap ass crt outdoor monitors. shits got cobwebs growin on em. cmon disney, u aint hurtin dat bad r u?
26.preshow was wack. prop warehouse walkthru was wack. bout 2 get on da tram. hope dis shit improves from dis lame bullshit so far.
27.ok. dat last part was good. fire n water. das all ill say. afi film walkthru was ok. funny how man made top 50 film villains. we dat bad?
28.honey i shrunk da kids is strictly 4 kids. fucked up dat da web ladder or wutever wasnt open. da only thing worth a shit dere n was closed.
29.not doin idol again although production quality was good. disney food is xpensiv n my bbq samich aint taste good but fills u up.
30.toy story 4d got a 90 min wait. FURK DAT! narnia rite nxt 2 it got a 15 min wait. think ill do dat! could meet prince caspian but dont care.
31.shit, caspian was WACK! nathan but a summary of da flick in movie trailer form n props @ da end. waste of fuckin time. das y deres no wait.
32.almost dun here. in long ass line 4 toy story. only got mayb a couple mo shows n da fireworks n das it. AUDI!
33.i always ask 2 get in da fastpass line since its my bday, thinkin deyll let me in but dey dont. 1 cat woulda gave me a pass but he ran out.
34.toy story is dat joint! a cross btwn mib @ univ n pirates @ disneyquest. 30 min wait, not 90. lotta fun! arms will hurt if ur not in shape.
35.hi skool musical parade passed but i was 2 late 2 get a pic. dont giv dat much of a furk about it 2 chase it down. in line 4 da movie ride.
36.movie ride is old, dated, n wack wit bad actin n props n old ass movies. dont waste ur time.
37.las indy jones show i was @ 2day was standin room only. bailed on dat. dis time i got a seat. c wussup wit dis show...
38.xtras 4 da show was sittin rite in front of me dressed like low rent towelheads. lookin like family dollar supplied da wardrobe n shit.
39.indy was aight but dragged on a bit. nathan left here 4 me. ill jus snap a few more pics n bizounce.
40.drew carey was closed. only pics i aint get was sum restaurants. other dan dat, i covered evrythin i giv a furk bout. got sumthin else 2 do.
41.aint get pics of goofy or pluto win dey was out. batteries aint die. lotta peeps leavin so aint no wait. cool weather. good day 2 come here.
42.fuckin friend aint know where he parked n it was bout 2 rain so i left his dumb ass dere 2 find his shit. got shit of my own 2 do.
43.called disney 2 confirm dat fantasmic was happ 2nite n it aint so dat mean I DID DAT! dun wit hwood studios. @ a tv preview in a hilton now.
Glad they take credit to pay for parking cuz I don’t carry cash. And just like inside, they don’t check your ID and you ain’t gotta sign for shit. Bad news since it’s an international destination. Perfect place to commit fraud. Parking lot wasn’t maxed out like you’d expect. Disney damn sure ain’t immune to the current economy. Lines inside wasn’t all that long either considering the myths people spread ‘bout how you gonna be waitin’ in them shits for hours on end. Bullshit. My friend swallowed that hoopla, thinkin’ that we wasn’t gonna be able to do everything. Whatever. Did every damn thing we wanted with several hours to spare. It helped that the park was open till 10p but even if it closed earlier, it wouldn’t have mattered. Did all that shit.
Their security is comparable to that of Universal. Which means it sucks. All they do is open your bag, look inside, and you’re on your way. You could very well bring a gat, some dope, or a fucking grenade. But watch out though. They did have an officer there with a trained dog off in the cut. Sneak in some coke if you wanna. Use your girl’s pussy to hide it in if that’s the case. Or stick it up your ass. Then you can bypass the mutt. There was only one outside the gates. Crotch sniffing dogs at theme parks might look good for vacationing zoophiles but bad for customer service.
Tram emcee was pretty funny but it seems all of them use the same tired ass joke, “My name is Chip, the driver’s name is Dale.” Oh yeah, it was hot as a bitch out there in the beginning of the day. As usual, people were underdressed and their kids were too. Had no choice but to watch the future cancer patients of America; all due to their parents ignorance.
I walked in and was gonna snap pics but opted out of doing that when I realized I’d better get my ass on the Tower of Terror and that roller coaster with the quickness cuz those are the main attractions. Wanted to get those out of the way and then the rest of the day would be a breeze. That strategy worked. It helped that the line to get in the park was practically empty. I just walked right on in. Can’t say that for either ride though. There was a bit of a wait but not long. Damn sure wasn’t as long as they advertised on their displays.
I coulda went back and got pics of all the shops and restaurants I bypassed but I ain’t feel like it. Wanted to go have my fun and do all the shit that I wanted to do. Got lost looking for Toy Story and ended up in the Muppet area. The 3d effects for Muppetvision looked dated, along with the show as a whole, but those old guys in the balcony were cracking me the fuck up. I was in tears. That shit they were talking during the show was fucking insanely funny. Excellent writing. Would recommend it only for that but the kids next to me were into the show, grabbing at bubbles from the ceiling and stuff onscreen. They don’t know no better. One little girl fell out of her seat and busted her ass she was so into it. But you expect that from naïve kids.
My friend had been to Idol before. Said the people he saw sucked. People I saw wasn’t so bad. None of them dressed like stars. Fucking flip flops and shorts on stage? Shit…You wanna be a star, you gotta look like one. The Kintner chick who won was all thick and shit with her cleavage all out and wearing daisy dukes and shit, Barbera had bad skin and couldn’t hit her high notes, Pate had poor breathing control during his performance and was clearly sucking wind but had the best singing voice out of them all, regardless of if he lost. The judges were pretty much copycats. Mean judge (the one with the big ass Wicked Witch of the West nose) contributed absolutely nothing but over-affected criticism and got cheap heat from the crowd. The hot blonde was nothing like Paula though (meaning she wasn’t a whackjob). Both are hot and would get it with absolute zero hesitation! Still, I only went in to avoid the rain. It was pretty much what I expected. Give me some real auditions, dammit! I wanna see people who CAN’T sing!
It was my bday and one cat at Star Tours, if I woulda got there earlier, woulda gave me a fastpass but he ran out. I asked every other employee I came across at the rides and they wouldn’t let a nigger in ahead of everyone. Hey, at least I tried. But the lines weren’t so long that a pass was necessary. We (a friend who joined up with me later in the day) did all the shit we wanted to do and had 5 whole hours to spare. Most of the shit there is dated as fuck and pretty damn lame as mentioned in my tweets. Like, a complete waste of time. They need to do some serious updating to that fucking park. We skipped all the kid shit. Could give a fuck about that shit. Like Voyage of the Little Mermaid and shit like that. I primarily do rides and rarely do shows. The shows here weren’t up to speed either.
Biggest laughs I got, other than the Muppet guys, was some gook bitch who was going into the Narnia attraction. Bitch was all drooped over like a hunchback lookin’ tired as fuck, mouth all open and panting and shit like a goddamn dog and shit. Then there was an employee at the stunt show who’s stomach was hanging down to his fucking knees. That shit looked nasty as fuck. How the fuck do you hire someone like that? That shit ain’t even healthy. His fucking intestines are probably somewhere around his fucking thighs. At least now you know they don’t discriminate. So if you got probs getting a job there, you can reference this blog and say, “Well, you hired that nasty, fat motherfucker. Why not me? I ain’t as fucked up as his ass.” We saw a retard lady working too. There’s some more ammo for you.
But having said all that, everyone was nice (except for the Haitian bitch at Star Tours) and pleasant, including guests. Strangers and employees wished me a happy bday (cuz I wore my pin all day) and I appreciated it. The park was clean and employee appearances were up to speed. One thing I didn’t understand was why they were squeegeeing and trying to absorb the rainwater from the ground with towels when it was raining on and off all damn day. That shit made absolutely no fucking sense. I know they don’t want people to slip and sue the shit out of them but c’mon, this is Florida. Oh yeah, hot girls? Sadly, I can’t say there were many. Nobody really stood out. Sure, there were some decent chicks but none that anyone would remember or say, “Daaammmnnnn,” if you saw the bitch.
Lady in front of us was arguing with her peeps that she didn’t know where she left their baby stroller. My friend busted out all loud right in front of her out of surprise, “That bitch said she lost her stroller.” It ain’t a hard thing to do either. Them shits is everywhere and stupid bitches be leaving their purses and wallets in them shits thinking their shit is safe. Stupid. Thieves, theme parks are a goldmine for people like ya’ll. Easy fucking pickings. Cuz people are STILL living in a false sense of security.
Lamest attraction was clearly Narnia. What a complete and total waste of fucking time. If you’ve seen the movie, don’t even bother. If you haven’t, don’t even bother. Best was Toy Story cuz it’s interactive and a competition. I scored bout 161,000 points. Highest of the day was around 255,000. Nope, you don’t get no prize, just bragging rights if you beat your competitor (which I did).
Every other relevant thing I’ve already said in my tweets. I will say this though, Disney has inadequate signage to find the fucking park. I knew where it was and shoulda took the way I was familiar with, which just happens to be the quickest route. Instead, I got wrapped the fuck all around places so far away and unnecessary. There is no signage for Hollywood Studios on I4! So just do this: get off on the 535 exit if you’re going westbound. Get off on your first exit (Downtown Disney) and make a left at the light. Then just keep going till you see the signs for the Studios or the Tower of Terror in the sky. Much quicker than what the fuck I did. Way to get people lost, Disney.
And now for the verdict: would I recommend Hollywood Studios? No. There’s much better parks out there than this shit. This place is in need of a serious updating cuz a lot of the tech and the attractions are incredibly dated, especially the animatronics and the overall writing. Even the acting on the parts of the cast members was horrible. The great movie ride was more like the great movie flop. Horrible in every way. But you know you’re gonna come here anyway. Don’t expect much beyond a handful of good attractions. Those being Toy Story, ToT, the roller coaster, Muppetvision, the stunt show, and the backlot tour. The latter three are really pushing it to make that list cuz only bits and pieces of them were good. Idol was just that: an experience. So it’s aptly named but I only did one show of the many they had throughout the day. Ain’t worth puttin’ in that kind of time.
So if you got a family who loves Disney shit, you’ll make a full day of it. These days, you can get in dirt cheap, ain’t gotta wait in no long ass lines, and you’ll have plenty of time to do everything and probably have time to spare if you’re not an idiot and lose your fucking stroller. Scale of 1 to 10 on this place? Hmmm………….I’d have to give it a…..hmmmm……a 4.5. That’s the best I can do. I’m a guy, I’m single, I like rides and thrills and this place ain’t got much for that. Yeah, I dig that the theme of the joint is about movie-making magic but I ain’t see much of it.
