Click here to view the pics. I did manage to get in some tweets during my trip.

1.    on my way 2 augusta ga 4 cirque du soleil. on i95 in georgia n trafic is either stopped or crawlin cuz of construction. costin me time, man.

2.    in augusta but not @ my hotel yet. georgia got sum cheap fuckin gas. 2.58 back home. 2.39 up here.

3.    augusta is about da size of lakeland. really old buildings 2. nice views from da hotel. google maps only had 1 wrong direction. impressive.

4.    james brown arena is a 15 min walk from my hotel. got here early. saved $5 on parking n hotel parkin is free when validated if u stay there.

5.    augusta needs 2 purchase a leafblower 4 city employees. leaves evrywhere downtown. n dey got more variety of shops dan orlando. damn shame.

6.    murdafurkas said no photos or photo n vid equipment. its fuckin cold n im wearin my big jacket. snuck my canon in. food is cheap 2.

7.    1st cirque show i been 2 where a mistake was made. twice by da same lady! she recovered though. got sum fire n confetti durin dis show.

8.    after all da confetti got blew n2 da audience, dey jus went 2 intermision unanounced. chik nxt 2 me had 2 ask. dey cleanin all dat shit now.

9.    good show as expected. medium sized arena. 1/3 full. no water fountains. food not as cheap as i thought. legroom is tight as fuck!

10.walkin thru downtown now peepin da historic shit like da 1st christian church n woodrow wilsons boyhood home. cant take good pics. too dark.

11.lotsa fuckin churches n vacant real estate here. dey even got a goddamn strip club downtown! aint dat a fuckin bitch?! fuck orlando! lol.

12.njoyed my trip but leevin is a bitch. took a wrong turn n lost time, got a speedin ticket, i95 south trafic is stopngo. jus wanna go home!

I knew a couple months before this show that I was gonna go. I got a Ticketmaster newsletter via email. It said there was a presale for this show. I love Cirque shows so I was curious as to where this one would be at. Closest it was gonna be was Augusta. First thought was, “That’s pretty far.” Second thought was, “Why Augusta?” It’s a pretty small city and located off in the cut. Ain’t make no sense to me but hey, it ain’t my show. I had time and some spare change on my hands. I live by the credo now that I ain’t passing up on no more once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. I asked around, nobody wanted to go with me for all the same lame reasons (broke, can’t schedule that far in advance, not interested, other shit to do), so I got my ticket for my damn self and flew solo.

I managed to find a seating map online and got what I thought were the perfect seats. They weren’t bad at all but not what I was expecting when I got there. The best seats for a cirque show are always midway up the lower level, front and center. You get the best view of everything. No headturning or any of that shit. Everything is in full view right in front of you. I still got that from my seats but not quite as good as I preferred. I took advantage of a presale, ordered my shit, and printed my tix from online and the fucks charged me for it! My ink, my electricity, my printer getting wear and tear put on it, and I gotta fuckin’ pay for it? I can understand convenience but the price gouging is fucking ridiculous. The Augusta Entertainment Complex site uses the TM system to order tix. Same shit, same charges other than the presale discount.

A decent hotel was next on the list. A friend of mine who works for a major hotel chain hooked me up. Took some time cuz she ain’t dependable worth shit and ain’t the brightest light bulb in the box, but she got it done after some constant pestering from me. Sucks that I gotta ride certain people’s asses just for them to stick to their own damn word but I gotta do what I gotta do. Ended up at the Marriott Hotel & Suites right on the river. 2 totally different hotels. There’s the hotel that I stayed in and then there’s an adjoined building that’s the suites. A parking lot connects the two.

How I was gonna travel was next on the list. I thought about flying but prices were way outta my range. Probably cuz it was thanksgiving weekend. So that just left me the option to drive which would cost significantly less and even save me more time. I put up a Craigslist ad in the hopes of getting a reply from a chick who mighta wanted to kick it but all I got was spam and some faggot ass motherfucker who texted me asking if I was into down-low brothers. Hell naw…

The big day came and I packed lightly since it was just a one day affair. I gassed up the night before so I could just hit the road right away. Wrote down my directions from Google Maps then flexed. Nothing special happened until I hit the Georgia state line. I was talking on my cell phone and the call just dropped at the very moment I passed the ‘Welcome to Georgia’ sign. Don’t know what the fuck was up with that. As mentioned in my tweet, I95 traffic slowed down to a snail’s pace due to construction. Shit cost me a good 30 minutes to an hour of travel time which I coulda used to enjoy myself more or get some rest. I did have to gas up again and although I didn’t get my fill at this price, cheapest I saw was $2.39. 20 cent less than anywhere I saw in Florida.

To get to Augusta, I had to take some back roads. Lots of wide open spaces, swamps, forests, cotton fields, and large hills covered in trees changing colors for the season. I’ll admit, it was a beautiful sight to see. I either wrote down bad directions or was given bad directions when I got to my destination but it only cost me about 5 or 10 minutes of time. Downtown Augusta is fairly easy to navigate. It’s also fairly empty cuz most of the real estate is vacant and there ain’t a lot of people. And most of the buildings are old as dirt. I’d understand why later on cuz it’s an old, historical city. I found James Brown Arena in my car. Just wanted to be sure as to where it was cuz I planned on hoofing it from the hotel which I also passed by mistakenly but it was nothing to turn back around to find it although it was off in the cut and not very well marked. It was a dull brown color that blended in with the surroundings.

Once there, check-in was quick and parking was free. It was probably the most retarded parking lot I’ve ever seen. The fucking pillars take up most of the space. There’s parking spots that are side by side but it’s impossible to park more than one car, no matter the size, next to each other cuz you wouldn’t be able to open your doors cuz the pillars are so prominently in the way. I immediately snapped some shots of the city from the top floor (my room was a cityview on the 6th). Across the river were some nice, big homes. Turns out once you cross the water, you’d be in South Carolina. The room was clean (except for a couple of hairs in the bathroom) and comfy. Didn’t take long for me to crash.

My plan was to wake up in time to walk to the arena and then hit up the downtown area to see what was shaking and to take some pics. It was pretty damn cold too. Not much for foot traffic out there and since there were so many trees everywhere, that meant lots of dead leaves were everywhere too. Dead leaves, dead storefronts, it all matched up. I had no idea how big JBA was on the inside. Since I was wearing my big jacket, I snuck my camera in. Couldn’t use it till the very end of the show. Wasn’t trying to get kicked out.

I walked around on the inside but there was nothing at all to see. Just 2 concession areas and a merchandise stand. The merch was overpriced as expected. At first, I thought the concessions were fairly priced but in retrospect, they were in the same boat as the merch. Navy personnel worked the concessions. I forgot where they said their profits go to. I had my food and took my seat. Like I said before, not bad seats at all but I was about one section away from where I thought I was gonna be. I just stayed put cuz I ain’t know how full the joint was gonna get.

Turns out it wasn’t even close to a sellout. The place was more than half empty. What’s even more fucked up is that even with all the empty seats, my row was full. And what’s even MORE fucked up is that you don’t get a whole lot of leg room. The seats are so tight you’d think someone crammed you inside of a virgin’s pussy. If you’re on the smaller side, you’ll be fine. If you’re tall and/or big, you’re gonna be slightly to very uncomfy. The seats did have cupholders. Nice touch. A lady sitting above me was yapping it up with her hubby talking about how Augusta residents complain about not getting any good shows at the arena and when one finally comes along, nobody shows up. I don’t think a show on the scale of Cirque should ever have gone to such a tiny town located so far away from everything to begin with. And this was a night show on a weekend, too.

I seriously considered moving to an empty area but I opted to stay put. Other people in the arena made the move after intermission. I don’t blame them. JBA is a medium sized arena. Seats a good 5,000 or so. Not bad for a place the size of Augusta. On a positive note, no one farted during the show! The first big act was a lady on a swing and she slipped up a couple times. First time I’d ever seen a fuckup at a Cirque show but she recovered. Not all but most of the other big acts were variations on things I’ve seen before. But it was a totally enjoyable and unique experience as can be expected from a Cirque show. I look forward to the next one I go to.

Hot chicks? Other than the onstage talent, the real world talent was lacking. There were a few that stood out but since there weren’t many people there to begin with, I can’t say much for the women of Augusta. Some people just put on regular clothes and looked like nothing special. Others were dressed up like they were going to a 5-star restaurant. Unlike the Saltimbanco show I went to (read about that here), all of the cast came out for their final applause and even unmasked for everyone. I thought that was cool. When the show ended, the place cleared out pretty quick. I took what pics I could without getting into trouble and left. The night was young, I was in a new city alone, and had to find something to occupy my time. So I walked around.

I hit up a hood convenience store first to get something to drink then made my way back into the city. I hit up all the historical shit, some churches and shit, passed right on by the bars and clubs cuz they looked lame, snapped some pics where I could, and snuck into the science museum there. Well, I ain’t really sneak in but I did go on property into areas that were closed off. Then I walked the riverfront, walked through some parks, then called it a night when it was like 2 or 3 in the morning. There was a prom type deal going on at a church and what coulda been a house party cuz it was a bunch of hoodrats around another place. They have a big garden area I coulda easily jumped the fence to get into but opted out cuz of the time. If I had a girl, there’s more than plenty of fuck spots that are open to the public. And there was some sculpture, I got no idea what the fuck it was, across from the gardens. It was a monstrosity so I ain’t bother taking a pic.

I saw some good sights and heard some good sounds. Only person I really talked to was some kid in the hotel elevator who was a high school football player. Him and his peeps were going somewhere, he asked where I was from, I told him Orlando, and they all lit up and we high-fived. Hey, can’t fuck with my city! I was gonna walk around the hotel but I was hungry. Only managed to peep the pool which was under renovations and some of the convention area before heading out. Found a Wendy’s first but wanted something else. Couldn’t find shit else and when I got back to the Wendy’s, the motherfucker was closed. So I had to drive further to find a Burger King. Ate my shit, showered, watched some tv (crt, not flatscreen), and hit the bricks. It was a good time.

What’s fucked up is that I passed right by a 24 hour restaurant when I was walking but ain’t even realize it. I coulda saved some time and gas. The next day was pretty warm compared to the previous one. If it was warm in GA, I knew it’d be warm in FL. Housekeeping came knocking on my door around 10a when checkout was 12p. Hold the fuck up, motherfuckers! Damn! I did the express checkout and when I finally bounced, I took a wrong fucking turn going back home. Cost me 30 minutes and some gas but I did see one of the military forts there. When I got back on track, I had to eat something cuz I was starving. BK ain’t fill me up enough. I found a Church’s that had a dollar menu. If you ain’t know, Church’s got them bomb as fuck honey biscuits and this joint had 3 for a dollar. I thought I was just gonna get 2 cuz that’s all the menu pic had. I ain’t complaining bout that extra one. Them shits are so fucking delicious, man. I go to Church’s just for those alone. They’re that fucking good. The chicken is aight but them biscuits is that bomb, on the real! And the one’s I got was fresh, too? Shiiiit…you know I fucked them shits up.

Further down the road, I saw a deer laying on the side of the road…twice. The first one I had to take pics of cuz I ain’t never seen a damn deer just layed up like that. Fucking thing was shot in the neck and the hunter just left it there? Why? I think that’s bullshit. If you gonna kill it, at least eat the fucking thing. I can understand it’s in the median, maybe it was shot someplace else and that’s where it ended up. But I saw ANOTHER one a few more miles down the road. Seriously, what the fuck? With the first one, I ran a gag with a couple friends. Made them think I was holed up in a hospital after hitting the deer with my car. I spilled the beans early to one cuz she ain’t believe me at first. Once she did, I let her off the hook. The other one had it coming. Him and another friend got me good before. I got him once before as payback but had to get him twice. Damn fool almost drove all the way up to GA cuz I had him convinced he’d have to come and pick me up from the hospital. Everyone on my shitlist has gotten their payback now.

I coulda went all the way with it and let the idiot drive. When you fuck me, I fuck you back 10 times harder. At least I’m capable of it. Just had to let the fool know who he’s dealing with, here. I do have a heart. I like and appreciate a good prank but motherfuckers better be damn well prepared to be pranked. Don’t dish if you can’t take. That’s all I’ll say on that. On that same long, winding road I saw the deer on, a fucking cop pulled my ass over and gave me a speeding ticket. It was an older broad. GA state police. Told me to get out of the car with my license and all that shit rather than approach me.  That was different. Bitch let me get right next to her while she wrote the ticket. Said I’d have to call to find out how much the ticket was. That’s the shit I ain’t like. How the fuck you gonna give me a ticket but can’t tell me how much it is? I ain’t never heard of no bullshit like that before. She said cuz she’s state police and works everywhere, each county has different rates.

We had a nice little convo about speeding. She said speeding is dangerous. I said everyone was speeding. She agreed but said I was going a bit faster than them. I admitted that but told her if we were all speeding, then we should all get ticketed. She said I was more dangerous than them. I said if we were all speeding regardless, then that should make us all equally dangerous using her logic. The real reason I got that ticket is cuz my speed was a bit higher, therefore my fine would be too which means more money for them. I know how the system works. What’s really fucked up is that I saw so many cops on my trip up and even more cops on my trip back home. Hell yeah, I was speeding the whole time and not one of those cops bothered me. She was going in the opposite direction and turned around to give me a ticket. Other cops would be side by side and not give the slightest fuck. Whatever. I’ll pay the damn thing. Gotta call a motherfucker to find out how much a ticket is. That’s some straight bullshit.

Oh, you know I was hauling ass all over again. Cops galore and none of them bothered me. She musta been bleeding or some bullshit or just ain’t like niggers. I95 traffic was a total bitch all over again. Glad I ain’t gotta deal with that shit nomore. That’s the type of shit that creates road rage where it wouldn’t usually exist. People ain’t got time to be sitting in traffic, wasting gas and time, putting wear and tear on their car. I’m glad as fuck I work from home and ain’t gotta deal with none of that bullshit on a daily basis like most people.

Even with the dead deer, the speeding ticket, getting lost, and other small shit that could have made the trip miserable, I had a damn good time. Got to experience a new city and saw a good show. And I’d do it all over again cuz life is good, no matter how bad it gets. If you ain’t ever been to a Cirque show, you need to experience at least one in your lifetime. You won’t forget it. Visiting Augusta? Eh. Unless you’re into American history, don’t bother.

Click here to view the pics.

My 1st NFL game experience was a total wash due to so-called friends being late as usual. You can read about that here. This time I wanted to do it right. Asked an out-of-town friend if she was down and she said yes. Asked her how she was with being punctual and she said she sucked. Red flags went up! Told her ass straight up, if you know you can't be on time, then you can fuckin' forget it. I was reassured by her that she'd be on time. And guess what? She was. I just don't fucking understand why it's so fucking hard for people to stick to their fucking word and be on fucking time. I really just don't fucking get it. Other people can tolerate that bullshit. Not me. Why the fuck am I calling you a friend if you ain't dependable worth shit? That means something to me. Some people have got cut or put lower on my totem pole cuz of that shit.

I had the time and the money and knew I was gonna do this game, whether it was solo or with someone. Tix weren't cheap, that's for sure. They were going for a minimum of 60 bucks at the usual online ticket seller sites. Wasn't thrilled about it but if I had to, I would have. It dawned on me that Craigslist might have some ticket sellers willing to unload for cheaper in a better seating location possibly. I was in luck. There was some type of Boy Scout deal where you could get a ticket, popcorn, hot dog, and soda for just 40 fucking bucks! Wasn't a scam either! I emailed the chick who had the offer up. She replied with a form. The deal was that if some scouts sold at least 3 tix, they'd get to attend some kind of campout with the players in the stadium or some shit like that. Not that I was giving too much of a shit about that aspect of it, but since it was legit, I hopped on it and I'd be helping some kids in the process. Win/win.

At first, I emailed the form to a Jaguars representative who was handling the whole deal. I ain't get no reply in a suitable amount of time cuz  the tix would have to be mailed and the game was just over a week away. I called and spoke to the guy. Said he misread the email and replied to the lady who sent me the form instead of me. Got that all straightened out though. Once I saw my card had been charged, I was satisfied that the shit was all good now. Texted my friend the status and she was excited too as she'd never been to an NFL game before. Yet she's not a football fan. She said she appreciates the sport but only watches the big games like the Super Bowl. Fucking poser! If I ain't into something, and I know I ain't, then I'm the type that won't waste my fucking time. I'm all about new experiences but shit, you gotta give a shit about what the fuck you're doing. Lucky for me she was a good sport about everything.

I'd went to a basketball game (Orlando Magic) before with a chick who wasn't into the sport at all but she said yeah to the invite (got some pics from that night here). Probably cuz I paid for the tix. They were dirt cheap and the deal couldn't be passed up on. I checked in with her before I made the buy. She was down and excited. She got lost along the way but she showed up on time. We drove separate cars. Red flag 1 was when she didn't wanna park in the hood across from Amway Arena. Parking can't get closer than that for the price and it was only 5 bucks. She would rather have paid 10 bucks in a parking garage further away. Red flag 2 was when she started yawning. Red flag 3 was when she stopped being talkative. Red flag 4 was when her body language made her appear like it was 20 degrees inside the arena. Red flag 5 was awkward silence. Red flag 6 was no hug goodbye. I think you know by now that I don't associate with that bitch no more. If you ain't down for something, just fucking say it and don't waste my or your time.

I learn from every situation I'm in. I learned that if a bitch don't appreciate a cat paying for her shit, she ain't worth a damn. I also learned that a bitch better be able to pay for her own shit or she gotta pay me back somehow or take turns paying when going out. Plain and simple, if a bitch can’t hold her own or if she can and ain’t willing to, she gotta go. I'll be god damned if I'm ever gonna be that guy that bitches refer to when they say "I didn't pay for it." Oh hell neezy, never again! And you know what type of bitch I'm talking about too cuz you’ve heard ‘em say it! In case you're wondering, my friend paid me back. I gots to gets my dough, ya smell me? Cuz these bitches be trippin’ these days, on the real.

When the tix got to me in the mail, I can’t lie, I was uber excited and so was she. This is the cell phone pic I sent her. She was driving up to pick me up and we’d take her van. We discussed a 9a pickup time and she was there early so we could go grab that free at the Embassy Suites. You know what free I’m talking about. After that, we hit I4 then I95 for a straight shot to Jville. About the only interesting thing I saw was the trees had repaired themselves from the forest fires from back in the day. Clearly I hadn’t went up that way in a long ass time. Last time I went that route, I was on my way to a wrestling show (WCW or ECW) in either Daytona or Jax. The trees were still smoldering and burnt to a crisp at that time. It’s beautiful how nature takes care of itself.

Online maps weren’t reliable…again. Google said there was an offramp that’d take a motherfucker straight to the stadium. Impossible to miss. Well, we missed it. We drove around the outskirts (hood) of downtown for a few minutes trying to find the place (her idea) until finally deciding to park and ride. So many god damn one-way streets, man, it’s fucked up. Jville has a great highway system, I’ll give them that, but it’s too much bullshit navigating downtown. I’ll give Tampa top props for their downtown streets. You can turn down damn near any street to get somewhere. Fuck all that one-way shit.

Both of us had to piss and lucky for us there were portable toilets in the parking lot, which was decently empty. I didn’t realize I used the women’s toilet until she pointed it out to me. Didn’t give a furk then, still don’t give a murdafurk now. And bitches’ piss and shit ain’t no different than a man’s! What’s even more fucked up is that there were hand sanitizer dispensers inside but they didn’t have no product in them. Ain’t like the toilets were so full of human waste which indicates to me that someone dropped the ball. Way to stop the spread of swine flu, guys. Jeez.

We originally thought of hoofing it to the stadium but riding the bus over only cost 7 bucks a person. No biggie. I paid for us both (since she covered gas the whole trip). Po-po was there but ain’t like they were checking bags hardcore or anything. They were just there for presence and a security person was there just to make sure people wasn’t bringing in bags that were too big or shit that was prohibited. It was during the bus ride that I realized her photographic eye was vastly different from mine. I try to document what I see for you guys. I asked her to take a pic of the bus interior and the photo totally sucked. I took my own too but I wasn’t in a good enough position like she was to take the right kind of pic. Thus no bus pic. Again, no biggie.

I hadn’t been to Jax in a good grip. The streets ain’t perpetually under construction like before. And I’d never even seen that stadium with my own eyes. Pretty impressive. My friend told me a Super Bowl was held there. I can believe it. I’d called before about parking to see how much it was and shit. The phone rep said stadium parking was all sold out. Parking did look a little scarce. As in it really ain’t look like there was much parking to begin with so I can believe what I was told. Compared to Land Shark Stadium security, this place might as well have been a nightclub. No military presence. No machine guns. No helicopters. No armored cars. What the hell’s that tell you about Miami, huh?

We walked around and soaked in some of the sights and sounds before going in. I entered some contests and shit and we both got a free sample of a Bubba Burger at one of their booths. The server was saying profusely that you could only get one sample. FURK DAT! I took two! I was hungry and ain’t give a damn. What the fuck she gonna do, arrest me? All she could do was say in a louder, more stern voice that you could only get one sample. I did my research on this place and made sure to get seats where the sun wouldn’t blind us. We were in the 400’s section but close to the 50 yard line. Not bad seats at all. But we could do better and we did later on.

The place has excellent views of the city and waterways and plenty of food joints. It was overcast all day so my choice in seating ain’t matter for much. On top of that, wasn’t looking like the boy scout I was helping was trying to sell too many seats cuz our row was damn near empty in the middle where we were. And on top of that, the stadium as a whole was damn near empty too. Shit, whole sections were tarped off. But you know what that means to ya boy. Yep, we upgraded. Here’s a secret that a lot of people ain’t aware of: never buy top of the line seats cuz almost always, especially these days, there’s gonna be empty seats that would’ve cost more that’ll be available to skip over to. Why spend $100 when you can spend $40 and get the same fucking thing?

I already eyed where we’d move to but halftime came up. We used our food voucher. The first of several weird incidents occurred. I was second in line when this one happened. A guy ordered nachos with cheese and chili sauce. When one employee was passing the food up, a cashier moved his arm to point at something. The nacho tray collided with the pointing hand and disaster struck. The god damn counter top and the customers’ jeans shorts were covered in cheese and sauce. He ain’t look to happy about it either but he ain’t trip. I think they gave him another one on the house. And to think that could’ve been me! While in line, I missed the Terrell Owens punt return touchdown.

We got our shit and decided to make our move. It was a long walk from top to bottom. There’s a sign prominently displayed on the stadium pillars that says “Jaguars don’t smoke.” I tried to get a pic earlier of some fans wearing Jags jerseys smoking cigs with that sign in the background but they weren’t in position. Best I could do was a Bills fan but he moved before I could snap the shot. On our walk down, there was designated spots for smokers. Motherfuckers looked like jews in a concentration camp they looked so pathetic. I’d wanted to get a Bills shirt to show my fan appreciation but the only merchandise available in the shopping area was worthless Jags shit.

The 50-yard line was inaccessible. You gotta be part of some touchdown club to get in there. I coulda sweet-talked my way in but the idea ain’t come to mind. So we settled on 20-yard line about 20 rows up. Not bad. Some dumb jit teen texting her life away sat ON the seat, not IN the seat in front of my friend. I told her to tell that little bitch to sit the fuck down so she could see. But she’s about as hard as egg yolk and ain’t wanna ruffle no feathers since we weren’t sitting in our proper seats anyway. Wuss. My Bills lost only cuz of two really shitty calls that cost us 2 touchdowns. Otherwise, we woulda won easily. We’re in transition right now. New coach, new quarterback, and we’re playing a bit better. But just a bit. Still got some work to do.

There was a mad rush of people on the way out but it was easy getting in and getting out was the same. You can opt for stairs or escalators. We took the escalator. Long before we did that though, the bus driver’s gave everyone a ticket for a free soda. I suppose all these freebies are the Jags’ way of giving people incentive to go to games. The soda cup was fucking humongous. At the concession stand, there were some leftover hot dogs. I was gonna sweet-talk the cashier into giving us one for free but my idiot friend blabbed out that they were probably gonna give them to employees instead. Thanks for putting the idea in her head, stupid!

She didn’t finish her popcorn, I didn’t finish my soda. She left hers behind in the stadium, I left the cup outside. If you can get a good deal like I did, you ain’t gotta worry about keeping a full stomach. About the only foolish move I saw was on her part was that she was thirsty before the game started and paid 4 bucks for bottled water. There’s free fountains everywhere and halftime wasn’t too far off. I guess some people just like to spend money unnecessarily. Jags wasn’t getting paid shit from ticket sales, they’re being smart by jacking people at the concession stands with loss leaders.

We had to wait in line like school kids for the busses. We got back to the van where I did some doughnuts in her minivan while she watched. Shoulda pretended to abandon her ass. Now that woulda been awesome. Both of us had to take a piss again cuz of those giant sodas. Come to think of it, all they had was carbonated drinks. That sucks! I took a pic of the shitty toilet inside and texted it to her. Cuz I’m a crazy motherfucker and don’t give a fuck! My sense of humor is just so low and crude. You gotta have a high level of tolerance and be supremely open-minded to be around someone like me. Plenty of burping going on but hell, she was doin’ it too!

It was still early and the weather was warm. We decided to hit up the beach to kill some time since I’d never been to Jax beach before and neither of us would be up that way again anytime soon. On the way out, we came across a modeling photo shoot in a tunnel. Along the way, I did a staged photo. This one. One of my best! She gets offended by gay-bashing so I didn’t tell her what I was planning on doing. By the time she figured it out…too late!

Beach parking was free. Jax beach is pretty damn big. Lots of room to move. People were biking, walking, chilling, swimming, and surfing. We just happened to park close to the pier so we took the walk (with our shoes off) in the white sand. Costs 2 bucks cash to get entrance onto it though. Employee said there was a whale sighting. Maybe he said that just to get us to buy admission cuz when we were out there, we ain’t see shit. Plus it was too damn dark anyway. And their bathrooms wasn’t much better than the fucking portables at stadium parking cuz these assholes ain’t have no fucking soap or hand towels! My friend caught some guy staring at her ass. When she looked at him, he started flipping out like a peeping tom with a spotlight on him. On the walk to the end of the pier (with our shoes on), I ain’t realize there were fishing stations there. Dark as fuck and people out catching dinner and shit. And the smell was putrid as you can expect.

We snapped some pics while out there and guess who showed up? Peeping tom guy. And he had his son with him. Little idiot dropped a fishing pole in the water. Wasn’t gonna be no diving in for it cuz we were too far out and too high up. And she caught the guy staring at her ass again! That’s her bum in the pic below. What do you think? Would you splack?

After relaxing out there for a bit, we called it a day. When leaving the pier, the smell of contact smoke was all over the employee area. I guess they think just cuz they were outside meant the smell was just gonna get covered up by the fish entrails. Nope, didn’t happen. On the walk back to the van, there was a guy and a girl arguing about whatever. Both were slackers along with their friends who were separating them cuz it looked like they wanted to beat the shit out of each other. They were talking pretty loud. I wanted to record the whole damn thing but I’d have been too obvious standing right there videotaping them. So we sat close and listened to as much as we could and watched them look like complete idiots. Seriously people, if things get to that point in a relationship where you’re yelling at each other like that, it’s time to call it quits. Got no idea what the fuck the whole argument was about but the most memorable comment was the girl saying “My pussy is tight as shit!” Um, okay…

It was an uneventful ride back though. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Just us shooting the shit. Overall, it was a damn good day. No drama from anyone, anywhere when excluding those losers at the pier who looked like such a happy couple. Lotsa nice and polite people in Jax. Complete strangers saying hello and shit. The stadium was clean and up to date although there was birdshit on a lot of seats. Roads are much better constructed than last time I was there. Most chicks were decently hot but like most hot girls, there’s always a guy on their arm. Needy ass bitches. If my Bills woulda won, that woulda been the icing on the cake. It was a good trip. If not for the game, I don’t see Jville being much of a place to wanna visit. We only opted for the beach cuz I thought there was a giant flea market that mighta been open. Years ago, I’d visited one there and it was huge. Guess it’s gone now cuz neither of us could find shit online on our phones about any significantly sized flea market. Oh well. If my Bills are playing again there next year, I’ll be there. Other than that, no reason for a return trip to Jax. Ain’t gonna lie, it’s a pretty boring place with a large yet dead downtown area but if you got good company then even the most uninteresting and uneventful of places can be turned into something fun. It ain’t about where you’re at, it’s about who you’re with. Not enough people realize that fact unfortunately.