This trip was massively unorganized but only cuz I allowed other people to affect my plans. Never again! I still made a damn good time of it though. No video and not a lot of pics either cuz I wanted to enjoy the scenery and relax when I could. Here’s the few tweets I made about it:

1.    in miami now. headin 2 da ramada hollywood beach. cheapest gas along da way was 2.19. 2.49 down here. furk dat shit! ridiculous.

2.    ugh. buffalo got routed. my 1st nfl game n dats wut i gotta see. das aight. got a souvenir shirt 4 $5. prolly hittin da beach or movies nxt.

3.    @ regal cinemas hollywood 18. got a lil lost findin it. bout 2 peep zombieland. was posta do cobb theaters cinebistro but oh well...

4.    late as furk but im out on da beach gettin my walk on, textin n surfin 2. im way bhind. gotta find a good inuyasha fansub win i get home.

5.    want sum free coconuts? jus cum on down 2 da south florida beaches @ nite. shits b washin up onshore from da virgin islands. FREE!

6.    was gonna sleep on da beach 2 catch da sunrise but guess wut came along n FURKED those plans up? u guessed it: RAIN! dammit...!

I knew a good while back I wanted to hit up Miami for the day to see my very first live and in person NFL game. I’m a Buffalo fan from way back. Had to put football on the sidelines cuz life was hard and I had to set my priorities. Sports (other than pro wrestling) damn sure wasn’t one of them. Now that I got time and some cheddar cheese to melt, I was gonna take advantage of it. I originally thought Buffalo was gonna be in Tampa too so that I could do a 2-fer. Turns out that game was being played on their home field. That left me with the Miami game and I was fine with that.

Lookin up hotels was a pain cuz I ain’t know how much I wanted to spend or if I was gonna share a room with someone. People saying they wanted to go changing their minds and shit left me with a hefty tab. Also found out who’s reliable and who’s not. I do know with conviction that when I make future trips and plans, it ain’t gonna include certain people, that’s for goddamn sure. I got 4 tix cuz 3 other people said they wanted to go. One didn’t show. Booked a hotel suite with a bedroom cuz I thought someone who was supposed to go with me was gonna go half on room charges. Motherfucker stiffed me and stayed with a friend instead. Friend who was supposed to check room rates from her job, since she works for a major hotel chain, took her sweet fucking time doing it. Got to the point where I couldn’t wait on that bitch nomore and had to book my own shit online after hours of searching for a decent room and rate at the last second on Saturday 10/3/2009. Found what I wanted and I got the fuck out of dodge.

I can’t fucking stand unreliable and undependable people. I’ll admit my mind did change on whether I was staying 2 nights or 1, but that was discussed in advance and 2 nights was eventually agreed upon. I left texts with people and called and got no response or late responses. Fuck every one of them. When it comes to big ticket shit like this that requires planning, I know now that there’s only one person who can get the job done right and that’s me. How fucking hard is it to stick to your fucking word? I mean really, how hard can it be? I can see about little insignificant shit that don’t really affect nobody but your damn self. But when it involves other people, that’s what piss me off.

Days before, I got a clean bill of health on my car but the alignment was off. But not to the point where I need to spend a million bucks and waste hours of time to get it fixed. I packed up all the shit that I thought I’d need for my trip (turns out most of it wasn’t necessary) and I rolled out in the evening. Fuck the Turnpike. Wasn’t doing that motherfucker again and paying them high ass tolls. I took the Beachline Expressway to I-95 South. Including a pitstop for gas and food, took me just under 3.5 hours to get there. Not bad. I listened to Changing Faces self-titled cd and some other old school jams on the way down. Online maps were unreliable as usual. Exit numbers are always wrong. Found my street by name, got off on the right exit, and found my shit without getting lost. But that was a fluke considering how the rest of my travels went.

Finding parking was a different story. I was staying at the Ramada Hollywood Beach Resort. The directions on their website send me to the side of the hotel where you park on the street. I was like, “Fuck that,” and had to take a side entrance in. I ended up parking in the valet area. Valet attendant thought I worked for the hotel. Shoulda went with that but told him I was a guest. He told me to park in the front of the hotel by the lobby and they’d take care of me. So I did. I checked in and got settled into my room. The place is very clearly undergoing extensive renovations. I can definitely see it being a luxurious hotel when it’s done cuz they have the hallways done and they ain’t bad looking. But the rooms still need work. Mine was allegedly renovated but I doubt it’s really finished.

I mean, work was done on it obviously but the tile and bathroom had those annoying little body hairs all over the place (a sign of shitty housekeeping standards), the countertop had a little bit of caked on food that wasn’t too hard to spot by a trained eye, cables and wires were exposed and unkempt, the window blinds didn’t close up all the way, and the windows themselves were old and dirty. I did like the bathroom sink though. That was a nice touch. The kind of shit I want in my own damn house. A/c and heat was central which I don’t see often in hotels. The kitchen area was very nice. Fridge, microwave, gas stovetop and oven, really nice countertops and cabinets too. The tv’s were 27 inch crt and Comcast provided cable. Not really a complaint but I don’t expect to see those types of tv’s anymore in a major hotel chain. The bed was nice and comfy but the pillows were exceptional. I had two damn good nights of sleep!

There was also a tv in the bedroom. Furniture was clean and comfy enough. I didn’t get to test the queen-size sofa bed in the living room. Views from the room were unbeatable. A private balcony woulda been great but no complaints. There’s other nearby hotels on the strip like the Westin Diplomat (I nicknamed it ‘dipset’) and Marriot Hollywood Beach if you want balconies and oceanfront. Oh yeah, the kitchens even had pots and pans and shit if you were inclined to cook. There were two probs that stuck out more than any other though. There’s live music downstairs at a boardwalk bar and they don’t stop playing till around midnight or so. That could prove REALLY annoying if you just wanna go to sleep. Plus, the hotel allows smoking and the second hand smoke lingers everywhere, even into the vents and into the non-smoking rooms like mine. Walking down the halls, you can smell that shit everywhere. The hotel next door is also being renovated and the noise from them can wake you up too if your room is facing that way like mine. So be forewarned about that bullshit.

I got a queen 1-bedroom suite but since I got fucked I woulda been better off with a standard queen room and I’d have saved close to 100 bucks if that was within the realm of possibility. But since it’s so goddamn difficult to come across reliable people in this world, I got stuck with the full bill and a room that was more than what I needed. Damn right, I’m complaining! I seriously need to meet some new people. Good people hopefully.

It was late but I wasn’t just gonna fall asleep and do nothing. I hit up the boardwalk, the beach, and walked around various parts of the hotel. Boardwalk was nice enough but the only place to eat that late was closed even though the sign said it was open. There was a guy that was knocked the fuck out drunk at a table in front of that joint. Couldn’t resist taking that pic. I checked out some of the smaller hotels and condos nearby too. Whole area was clean and had a police presence, so no drama. At least I didn’t think there was any. A couple of guys in a group saw me with my camera and asked if I’d take their pic just for the fuck of it. So I did.

What’s funny is they said they were just out chilling and most people they came across that they were simply being friendly to were trying to start fights with them and shit. So they were surprised a guy like me came along who was just as cordial as they were. It seemed like a breath of fresh air to them cuz they kept mentioning it. It is mostly bars that line the boardwalk when it should be places to eat, so I guess they encountered a lot of assholes rather than what they called “regular people” like me. But it was all cool. I didn’t encounter no drama from anyone.

I prefer beaching at night. Daytime is too cluttered, too many people, too damn hot, sun beating down on you and shit, motherfuckers jockeying for a prime spot, hard to get beach furniture and shit, noisy…fuck all that bullshit. At night, it’s calm, cool, dark, peaceful, beautiful, romantic, I could go on and on and on. It was a full moon too. The pic I took don’t do that view justice. It was kinda surreal as it was overcast and the moon was directly overhead and there was a huge circle in the clouds around the moon. Hard to explain (and an even harder picture to take) but a nice sight to see without all them damn kids and people around. I don’t go into beach water at all, day or night, but at night the fear of the water is even higher cuz you can’t see shit. Kinda makes you respect the ocean even more.

In the hotel, I walked around every corner I could find, every exit, every open space, employee area, I didn’t give a damn. The place is clearly old and they’re clearly doing work but I guess their ideas got slowed down due to the economy or whatever other reasons. If a visionary with money and high standards came through that hotel and moved forward with fixing it up, that hotel would be that bomb diggy for real. As it is now, there’s vacant storefronts littering the inside and outside and other parts simply look neglected. The employee area is horrendous. I made the mistake of going into the employee break room and there was a security guard inside watching tv. All he said was I can’t be back there. Like I ain’t know that shit. Like I give a fuck.

My hunger was growing so I went back to my room and changed into more presentable clothes (swapped my flip flops for shoes) since I had to drive somewhere for grub. This is where the parking debacle began. Parking is $2 an hour, valet or garage. $15 a day for garage or $18 a day for valet and it’s charged to your room. Initially, I wanted the garage but couldn’t find it (kinda hard to miss in retrospect). So valet got to me first. Big fucking mistake. My original spot was nice. Valet hit me up and said they’d repark my car after I checked in. Went to them and my car was still sitting smack in front of the damn lobby where I left it a good hour ago. They ain’t even touch my shit and wanted 2 bucks for me to get my keys. I don’t carry cash so I had to hit the atm inside the joint.

Motherfuckers got their dough, I got my keys, and wanted to take care of this parking bullshit right away. So I asked how I could just pay for the garage and be done with it. After about an hour of walking back and forth between the garage and front desk (and another trip to the atm) trying to get correct info, I finally was able to give the parking garage attendant the 30 bucks they needed so I could come and go as I pleased out of the goddamn garage which was also undergoing renovations. The whole situation was a massive pain in the ass and a waste of my fucking time. It was like damn near 2 in the fucking morning at this point. I’m keeping this part short for a reason cuz it was just fucking ridiculous.

Like I said before, the hotel’s location is unbeatable. Easy access to the highway. Not a lot of traffic getting there. You get to pass through all those massive condos and hotels on the strip. Lots of water around so the views are all good. But finding a good place to eat proved a chore. I hit up Wal-Mart for some milk and Lipton Citrus Green Tea (my beverage of choice other than water) for the fridge. I was surprised it was there but it wasn’t a Supercenter. So I had to keep driving. I passed by a Burger King but I thought it was closed (turns out the damn thing was open). Came across a Mickey D’s and a Dunkin Donuts further down the street. I ain’t get that milk for no reason. I hit up Dunkin and saw a guy and his bitch making out in the parking lot. I parked and as I walked up to the entrance, so did they. Turns out his bitch was a tranny. About as stereotypical as you can get too. Long hair, makeup, you name it. But her fella looked like a regular guy. Never seen that shit up close and personal like that before. But no big deal. I don’t judge.

Had to be buzzed into the damn place cuz it was so late. Cashier never spoke one single fucking word. It is Miami after all. Doughnut selection was limited. I got 2 and bounced over to McDonald’s. Ordered a light meal but should’ve ordered big as the cashier never collected payment from me. Just handed me my shit and that was that. I’m an honest guy and waved my credit card at her wondering if she was gonna take it. The bitch didn’t and I realized at that moment that there’s a bunch of fucking morons working for that store so I drove the fuck off quick before those idiots realized no one was paying for shit. Wasn’t just me that got a free meal, it was everybody apparently.

Got back to the hotel, ate, and it was shower time. There’s a big, old window in the bathroom since I was on the edge of the building. The view out of it was awesome. I just opened that bitch up and got clean. Best view I ever had from a shower, I’ll admit that. Hit up that comfy bed and called it a night. Next day, I did a little more hotel exploring and tried out some of the cuisine at a restaurant downstairs. I got some chink food cuz I saw a pic of their ribs the night before but they were closed. And them ribs looked and tasted on point along with the rest of my meal. Good service and food at a fair price. Not what I was expecting considering how the hotel currently looks.

I did some surfing too cuz I had my laptop with me. But their wireless signal (it’s free) was weak and kept disconnecting, my battery was dying, there were no ac outlets anywhere to plug into meaning I couldn’t use my Sprint mobile broadband card cuz it’d suck up more juice that just wasn’t available, my phone battery was low so I couldn’t surf on that, and I realized that my computer was so slow to the point that I know I need a new one now. Upgrades ain’t gonna help it at all. Talk about a clusterfuck. But there’s free wireless all around. I connected to another network that was faster but my computer was too low on power at that point for it to matter worth a shit. The hotel signal is faster and more reliable in the rooms. I was peeping chicks while I was eating but there weren’t many. Very first chick I saw when I arrived at the hotel was smokin’ fuckin’ hot though! That bitch had legs to fucking die for! I saw mostly older folks walking around inside and out during my stay. Not many kids or youth in the hotel. It’s a historical type of joint but you gotta at least market to people in their 20’s or bring prices down to where they can afford it. Especially with the condition the hotel is in now. C’mon now…

My original plan was to hit up the CineBistro at the Dolphin Mall (like a dumb ass, I forgot to print out a coupon I found online) that Saturday to see Zombieland but since I arrived late, had to cancel that and make up for it on Sunday which it now was. I woke up late and had a little time to get to the theater. They say you gotta get there 30 minutes before to get a seat. On the maps I looked at, it looked easy enough to find. Turns out it wasn’t and was a lot further away than I thought. I will say this; Miami’s highway system is pretty tight. You need to get somewhere, you can get there with ease. Jacksonville is the only other city I’ve been to that has a damn good highway system. The maps said Dolphin Expressway (which I had to take to get there) was a toll road. I missed the Palmetto Expressway entrance which also leads to the mall.

I didn’t pay shit for a toll. Nor did I see any tollbooths. And I traveled a good amount of that bitch too. Since I got lost and never found the fucking place, I turned tail and got lost again. Went through barrios in Hialeah, Plantation, and other spots before I found I-95 again. I just wanted to see my movie and still have time to chill before the game. Scratch that. Got lost a couple more times during this trip but I ain’t mind. I like exploring and traffic was light. Plus driving around was easy and gas wasn’t too exorbitant. Higher than Orlando but not ridiculous. They even have E85 pumps at some stations. I think that’s cool cuz I ain’t never seen one in Orlando. Cops wasn’t tripping either. They were definitely present but wasn’t fucking with nobody like back in the heavy profiling days.

Got back to the hotel and time was getting close for my first NFL game. I was psyched. It was gonna be me, another friend from Orlando (his first game too), and his buddy from that area. They were an hour late picking me up and we got lost which added to the tally. You can only pay cash for parking and we barely scraped that together. The only reason we made it was cuz of my atm trips the night before and I had some leftover dough. Fucking sucks that they don’t take credit. Easier for them to skim some bread off the top I guess. Ain’t like they wanna keep costs down cuz parking costs 25 fucking bucks! Then you gotta walk through the grassy lot (glad it wasn’t raining) and the stadium is a good mile away.

It was 3 of us and we had 4 tickets. One of my homeboy’s peeps shit on us. Tried to sell that extra ticket (which was printed from online via TicketExchange which charges to print tickets from home which is complete bullshit cuz it’s my ink being used) but no takers except for one guy who offered 10 bucks. Furk dat! We were late. Everyone was already in. So we had to eat the ticket. Them bitches don’t play when it comes to security. Had cats out there with fucking machine guns and shit. Lettin’ yo ass know not to fuck around or you could catch a few caps! It really is a nice stadium. Plenty of food options, chill spots, high security, comfy seats (no bullshit bleachers), good sound and tech. I was impressed. But by the time we got our seats, The second fucking quarter had already started. So getting the full NFL experience was a pipe dream when it shoulda been a reality. Goes back to what I was saying in the beginning; people are fucking unreliable.

I’d say every seat is a good seat. We were in the northwest corner and the view was great. Southwest corner is the best though. They get the shade quickest when the sun starts going down. The place wasn’t full so we were already plotting our move to closer seats. Club level was inaccessible (we did see Marc Anthony with our own eyes) but we saw some empty seats after halftime in the lower level on the 50 yard line. We only made it to the 20. Halftime equals half empty stadium. Yeah, the Dolphins were smoking the shit out of my Bills but it ain’t like people went home. They were just outside chilling, watching the game on the tv screens and drinking and eating. Not necessarily my steelo but hey, that was a plus for us.

Halftime was about breast cancer awareness and they brought out a bunch of survivors to do a cheerleading routine for the crowd. Most of the bitches was tight but there were some cows in the mix and even some geries. If the majority was representative of reality, then they’re sending the message that white, attractive women have a higher rate of breast cancer than anyone else. Leaving out the attractive part, white women do seem to get most of the attention for this shit. Going even further, when you think of Down’s Syndrome, what image comes to mind? What race is that kid in your very first mental image? I ain’t never seen a retarded black kid in my whole damn life (yeah, yeah, I know you got jokes). Or any other race for that matter. So what’s with these crackers and their bad genes? That just gives ammo to those people who don’t like the idea of mixing races. Fuck awareness. We should do a ‘Stop That Gene’ campaign. Fuck STD’s. It’s all about STG’s! If you know that shit is hereditary, STOP HAVING FUCKING KIDS and passing that shit down. Let that gene die with you and your bloodline!

What’s fucked up is that there was a couple in front of us in our original seats who snuck vodka into the stadium and poured it into their sodas. That’s just fucking pathetic. What’s even more pathetic is the security pat downs when you walk in. My phone and glasses case are hard and in my pocket. Cat just let me right on through without asking what they were. I don’t recall passing through a metal detector either.

The stadium is pretty huge so we walked for a good bit till we found our new seats. 3 fights broke out in various places on the inside but not around us. That’s usually what happens when you mix white people and alcohol. Shows like Most Daring wouldn’t even be on the air without caucasians and booze. But it was a pretty diverse crowd. Somehow I got Terrell Owens confused with Michael Vick and sounded like a total idiot at times but I was corrected. Tons of hot girls, lots of them fake as fuck, but they all seemed to be attached to a guy. That’s how hot girls are though. They always have a boyfriend and usually have a backup plan. Get said boyfriend to pay for all the plastic surgery and move on when it’s done. I know how some of them do. Miami is just as image conscious as L.A. Not a lot of fat people but a whole hell of a lot of skin cancer and plastic.

Buffalo got routed like a motherfucker. Kinda depressing to see them play so horridly. Embarrassing even. So my first live NFL game and first time seeing the Bills play in a good decade damn near turned into a complete bust. The herd was fairly large when it came time to leave. Expensive cars and tour buses are what you see on your way walking out. And just like the walk coming in, it’s a long way back to your car if you park out in the boonies. We missed all the tailgating too but there were some holdovers. Cats was still out there grilling and even had a little DirecTV satellite hooked up outside that bitch. That’s what time it is!

 I managed to get a shirt with our last 5 bucks cash as a souvenir. At least that turned out right. Driving out took some time too. Once out, we contemplated on what to do next. I still wanted to see my damn movie but wasn’t about to drive and get lost again looking for that CineBistro. So they did their shit, I did mine. I peeped online for theaters nearby playing my flick. Found Regal Cinemas Oakwood 18. It was late and that meant I wouldn’t be able to do a 2 for 1. But I didn’t give a flying fuck. I wanted to see my movie. Yep, got lost finding the theater. I’ll do a write up on the flick in another post.

It was probably around midnight when I got back. I had to be to work by 4p the next day and it took 3.5 hours travel time so I had to be mindful of my watch. Before the game, I put out a Craigslist ad (you already know what for) and got a reply. Can’t talk about it though as I have to keep the practical joke running. And it was a damn good one too.

My phone was charged up and I hadn’t surfed in a while. So what did I do? Hit the beach at night and did some walking, texting, pic taking, and surfing (the web, that is). Sunday nights are dead. No people, no noise. Just as peaceful and relaxing as you can possibly think of. I wanted to get a little exercise and exploration on so I walked up the shore to see some of the strip and other hotels around. Some were small while others were huge like the condos in the area. There was a couple fucking on the beach, people out chilling and sleeping, and homeless bums too. The bums around there got it pretty damn good. Nobody to fuck with them on the beach and yes, cops were around.

And here’s another thing: if you see homeless bums on the side of the street with those pathetic ass signs talkin’ bout their hubby is out of work, they’re a war veteran, or they been unemployed for x amount of time and need food or money or whatever, then you know what? Furk dem! Driving around Miami, them motherfuckers are at every major intersection grinding for their loot. Newspapers, flowers, fruit, shrimp…them cats be hustling on the real. That just showed me that even for people in dire straits, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

I walked a good 7 miles of shore and loved it. Got to see the area from a different viewpoint. Hard to describe that experience. It was just awesome and freeing. Times like that I wish I had a girl to share my time with. Not sure if she’d wanna walk that many miles but given the scenery, you don’t even realize how much time or distance has gone by. I was gonna sleep on the beach like so many other people to see the sunrise. Cool breeze and no mosquitoes. Can’t beat that combo. I found a long beach chair in front of some condos and chilled for a bit but had to keep walking cuz the rain was about to fuck shit up. Even though it was night, the cloud was easy to see. Other people bounced too. So I had no choice but to hit up my room and call it a night.

I actually like the location of my room. The stairwell is right next to it and when you walk out and hit the first floor, the parking garage is right there. But like I said before, it’s a smoking hotel and that means cigarette butts were everywhere. Not a pleasant sight. The stairwell was also old and rundown like lots of other parts of the hotel. Shit, if I had the money, I’d buy that bitch and turn that shit into a fucking palace. Kick everybody the fuck out and call it a second home.

The next morn, I hit up the closed nightclub on premises to take advantage of the continental breakfast (since that’s where it was being served). Fucking flies around the food and shit. That shit just turned me right the fuck off. I ate and drank light, checked out, and came home. Traffic was light so I did another first: surfing and driving. Now, if there was lots of cars around, of course I’d never do no stupid shit like that. But the idea and the opportunity was there, so I took that shit. And I loved it! Can’t lie.

I had a damn good trip. Even with all the fuck-ups and quirks and all the bullshit involved, I still had a damn good time and would love to be able to travel more often but have more time to enjoy myself. I coulda did another day there easily. But it is what it is. My employer wouldn’t give me the damn day off so I had to adjust my schedule. Coulda stuck around for more fun but oh well. Found out about a week ago Miami is hosting the Pro Bowl and Super Bowl. I entered every damn contest online that I could find I and hope I win something. Cuz I wanna see my damn Bills play and fucking win in the big game. Plus I wanna get a proper NFL experience. But it’s looking like I might have to wait another year for that. But I’m fine with it. At least I can say I’m a football fan again and mean it.