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We’d just got back from the SunCruz Casino (the deets for that are in the previous article here) and had some time to kill. There’s something called an Endless Summer promotion courtesy of orlandoinfo.com and they have Orlando Magical Dining month deals that entitle you to $29 upscale dining and $19 casual dining at select restaurants in the area through the end of this month. The Tchoup Chop was one of them. Don’t know why the fuck it’s spelled like that but the first word is pronounced just like the second. I didn’t really wanna go cuz I didn’t wanna spend any more money since I already lost 20 bucks on the cruise. But Dre convinced me and off we went.
We chose the Tchoup Chop cuz all the other menus were nothing special to us. You’re entitled to an appetizer, an entrée, and a dessert. Peep their Magical Dining menu here. For this place, they recommend reservations. We called to find out when they closed and they said 11p but if you were still in there eating, they won’t rush you or kick you out or anything. I’m sure the employees appreciated that. It was around 8p when we called and they had a spot at the bar for us if we got there by 9p. We had to make a pitstop someplace beforehand so we chose a regular table for 10p. They claim to have a business casual dress code but I popped up in that bitch wearing socks and flops. And there was another couple that looked like fucking tourists that just left Universal and shit. Dress code my ass. Like they’re gonna turn people away in this economy. Yeah right. They take what they can fucking get just like any other business these days.
Dre did the driving and this idiot still doesn’t know the area or exits and the damn place is closer to his pad than mine. That’s a nigger for you. The place is just outside of the Pacifica Ballroom and when you roll up, valet parking comes up first. We skipped out on that shit and went all the way to the back for regular parking which is free. You park underneath a structure that’s either unfinished or is supposed to look that way for art and design’s sake. You gotta walk through the ballroom to get to the restaurant if you opt to park free.
Once there, you can see the sign for the place off in the cut. There’s art and statues outside and shit. There’s a little outdoor bar area for those that wanna enjoy the weather and peep whatever sport was being shown on the little tv out there. We were early so we walked outside for just a tad. Then we walked in about 20 minutes before our reservation. The cat I spoke to when I called before thought I was from New Orleans. Then when he heard my voice in person, he took that guess back. We waited in there for about 5 minutes and soaked in the ambiance. It was pretty full and we didn’t wanna be those people standing there looking like idiots so we told them we’d come back closer to our time. That’s when a table suddenly became open. It wasn’t like we were gonna duck out on them or anything. But hey, we got a table early. Can’t complain.
It’s supposed to be Asian Polynesian cuisine and the atmosphere is supposed to reflect that too. Lots of soft reds and bright blues and variations in-between. They have 4 hanging chandeliers that are orange with bulbs inside of it for full illumination (that’s the best I can describe it). When I sat down, I looked up inside of one that was above me and it was missing some bulbs. Dre thought the only clash was the purple lights around the bar and center of the restaurant. I thought they were pretty cool but should only be at the bar to distinguish it from everything else. There was a whole wall of wines and liquors there and I guess that’s impressive to people that drink. The place was a bit too cozy for my taste. I thought it was gonna be big and wide but instead it’s pretty cramped and small.
Dre didn’t like the fact that they had an open kitchen where you could see the chefs at work. He had a big prob with one black chick back there eating in front of everyone. I told him she was just tasting the food but he wasn’t buying it since she stuffed her face more than once with the same thing. When they seat you, the hostess (who had a nice set of knockers) puts the towel or handkerchief or whatever in your lap for you and never utters a word. Ours didn’t anyway. Actually, it was kinda cheesy the way it was done. And there would be more cheesiness to come. We took the stupid things out of our lap cuz it was pointless.
Our plan was to order different shit so we could sample each other’s plate and get our money’s worth. But they ask if you have allergies and I’m allergic to shellfish so that scrapped about half the menu for me since they use an oyster-based sauce in a lot of their shit. I got kinda pissed about that cuz I wanted to try the mongolian beef but couldn’t. Anyway, they start you off with a drink. We both chose water and they make sure that your glass stays full the entire night. Even if you take one sip from it, they’re right there to refill the amount you just swallowed. It’s mostly ice anyway and kind of wasteful since ice melts. Guess they don’t realize that. I’m sure their water bill can be reduced if they followed that principle. It ain’t like it was soda or juice or anything where you want more ice than product. They use branded napkins as coasters and they replace those frequently too. Too frequently to the point of being wasteful in that aspect as well.
They start you off with a light snack of some crisps that had the consistency of rice cakes and some kind of coconut wasabi sauce if I remember correctly. I couldn’t eat either one since it used the oyster sauce. So they gave me some triangle shaped chips that had a little too much flour on them and a spicy sweet and sour sauce to dip them in. I don’t do spicy so I ate them plain. I wasn’t too happy about all this shit considering the price I was paying, regardless of it being significantly less. But from what I understand, the portions are a tad smaller for the deal we were getting.
I forgot to take pics of the plates we were eating. Too late now. Since my options were limited, I chose some kind of duck salad as the appetizer. Dre had the same thing. When they give it to you, it’s lettuce stalks and strips of duck, and they have those things that you turn to get pepper out of them. I don’t know what the fuck those things are called but they ask if you want them to put some on for you. We opted out. Doesn’t look like there’s any kind of dressing and the portion appeared small. But when you start eating, the flavor comes out and it actually tastes really good, although the duck strips tasted more like ham and you didn’t get many of them. I ate with my hands since the shape of the stalks allowed for that. I don’t give a shit if I looked like a brute in such a place. They start you out with a fork and butter knife and I didn’t use either one for the salad. Never once do you get a spoon.
We finished that thing off pretty quick and had to wait a little bit for the entrée. They swung through to take the plates and wipe the table and refill drinks and shit but it took a little while for the main course. So we proceeded to finish off the snacks which were kinda messy since the crumbs and flour fell all over the place. Maybe that’s what the lap towels were for. Hey, I don’t eat out much. I usually get my shit to go so eating in ain’t something I do often. So pardon my inexperience with procedure and terminology and shit.
There was a long table next to us with a fam that was celebrating a birthday for someone at their table. They sung the happy birthday song but Dre thought it was the waiters and servers that should’ve done that. Now that’d be cheesy in this kind of establishment, wouldn’t it? But it wouldn’t compare to the ultimate in cheesiness from this place though. When they did bring the entrees, guess what they did? BAM! They actually did that shit when they put our plates down. Some of them do it, some don’t. I couldn’t even believe these morons did that stupid ass shit. I suppose that’s an Emeril policy but hey, that’s your catchphrase, not theirs. Only sounds right coming out of your mouth. I wasn’t laughing with them when they did that. I was laughing at them. How embarrassing that such a thing is probably written into the employee handbook: ‘You have to make a fool of yourself and risk getting a smaller tip by doing my catchphrase at least once per table.” Fuck that. That couldn’t be me.
The Magical Dining menu is separate from the regular menu and has less choices. For the entrée, he chose salmon, I chose filet mignon. Both came with mashed potatoes but mine had bacon bits in them. I’ve had better. I sampled his salmon and that shit was on point as fuck. And the steak was good too. I got it medium rare and it was nice and tender and the gravy was kickin’. I didn’t like the pepper spices though. I hate spicy anything. Except latinas. They replace the butter knife with an Emeril branded steak knife and that thing was sharp as fuck. I cut off a piece of Dre’s salmon with ease. And it didn’t take much to cut through my steak. But I only did that to test the knife as I ate it like a meatball with my fork. Fuck all that manners and civilized and etiquette shit. I eat the way I want and the way I want is convenient and efficient. A spoon would’ve been nice for the potatoes though.
Also would’ve been nice for the dessert too. They only had one thing that appealed to us and that was the chocolate cake covered in caramel and I think banana bits. Tasted really good, even without milk. But I eat cake with a spoon. I neglected to ask for one at any point during the night so that’s my fault. At the same time, I expect a full set of utensils for such an upscale place. Let me decide on what’s the right thing to eat with, not you. Before dessert came, Dre hit the bathroom and said it was clean. I just sat there alone, peeping the talent and scenery, and was surfing on my phone. Lots of smokin’ hot tenders and cougars up in that bitch. Mostly white. But you knew that already. I doubt many locals were there. I’d say it was mostly hotel guests and even more conventioneers. The centerpiece of the place was a little pond with ceramic lily pads in it. At first glance, I thought it was real and was looking for frogs in that motherfucker. The thing just looked totally out of place and didn’t match anything else.
When he got back, I had to empty my bladder and I usually use what I call the executive suite: that big bathroom stall all the way at the end. Theirs was pretty nice but the bathroom as a whole was small. There’s only the suite and one pisser just outside of it. Motherfuckers had to wait and shit. They could’ve downsized the suite and put in one more pisser at least cuz it was as cramped in that bathroom as it was in the restaurant. I suppose they either ran out of real estate or that cozy theme applied to every aspect of the joint, but hopefully not the kitchen. Nothing worse than cramped quarters in there. Was the bathroom clean? I’ll give it a pass. The wastebasket was overflowing but other than that, it was acceptable. The whole bathroom had its own style and all that too. Hard to describe but it was different.
After hearing a couple more “Bams” during dessert, we paid our shit and bounced. We walked around the immediate area to see what it was like. They had pool tables outside and shit and that was a cool idea. Then we saw the water taxi. I’d never been on it. Dre had been on it once and said it was relaxing. Lots of hot white girls were on ours heading to CityWalk. We waited like all the other people in the staging area if that’s what you wanna call it. Then it chugged up, all loud and shit, and we all got on. They turn the lights off when it’s moving and that’s a nice touch. When boarding, headroom is limited. If you’re 6’3” and up, you’re gonna have to tucker down. First stop was CityWalk. We just wanted a round trip so we didn’t get off. To get the full experience, you have to get off at CityWalk and get on the Portofino Bay taxi but that line was too damn long.
Next stop was the Hard Rock Hotel. It became clear that the only Portofino taxi was at CityWalk but that was fine. The scenery was great and calming. We did have to switch taxis at CityWalk though if we wanted to get back to the Royal Pacific. When we were going back to that hotel, I noticed a plane in the water that I didn’t before. Looked cool but I didn’t even think to snap a pic of it. Oh well, I’m still learning.
