Click here for a slideshow of pics. Click here to watch the video.

This is gonna be a fairly short post since we got rained out and we did all the rides one right after the other without much waiting, if any.

We started the day by getting (free) breakfast at the Embassy Suites in Lake Buena Vista and were on tap to get to the park right at opening. The idiot I went with told me the day before that he already bought sunscreen for us both. Turns out he didn’t and he told me that when we were on our way to the fucking park. Like 5 minutes before we got there and shit. I was pissed cuz we wasted time going to a gas station across from Downtown Disney to get some but it was massively overpriced. Like 8 bucks for a tiny bottle. But their gas was surprisingly cheap: $3.87. That was cheaper than most gas prices we saw in the city.

So we went to a Walgreens about a half-mile away off property on 535. Soon as you walk in, there’s a display of different sunscreens on sale for $7.99. I still thought that was a bit much but the bottle was a decent size that’d cover us both for the day: 6 fl oz. It was storebrand, no-rub, sport, continuous spray-on clear, UVA/UVB protection, sweat and water resistant, SPF 50. How the hell could we pass that up? Says clearly on the bottle to pay at cosmetics. So we did. Price turned out to be $4.25 with no tax. Light bulb went off in my head all of a sudden. Now here’s a hustle if I ever saw one. Shit was way cheaper than advertised and nowhere on Disney property would come close to matching that deal. If someone wanted to buy a shitload of these and sell ‘em for bout 8 or 9 bucks, they could fucking rake in the bread. That was a damn good deal. Worked as advertised and we still got some left over.

Driving through Disney can be a pain cuz their traffic light synchronization totally fucking sucks! We just kept hitting red light after red light and were getting fucking pissed even more when considering all that idling was wasting gas (I was driving my car). We finally got there and parked but it didn’t hit us till later that parking was free so that’s a bonus. The parking lot was fairly empty but most people arrived via Disney bus transportation. So most people in the park were Disney guests. There’s a mini golf joint right at the front entrance (forgot what it’s called). I had a good pic of it but it was overexposed so I ditched it. Once in the park, it was basically empty since it just opened at 9 and we got there 30 minutes after.

We went to the Beach Haus (their gift shop), which is right there as soon as you walk through the gates, to get our locker key. We got a large locker that cost 12 bucks and when you return the key you get back 5 of those bucks. Not a bad deal. And everywhere in the park takes credit cards. A major plus for people like me who very rarely use cash. We hit up the bathroom/showers first to change. That was when I saw my first naked man ass. Asian guy just stripped down to his nothings right in front of me like it was no big deal. Got out of there, stuffed our shit in our locker, and proceeded to hit up the main attraction: Summit Plummet. I got on it, he didn’t. He wussed out. Chump ass bitch. You have the option of taking the stairs up (good exercise) or the ski left (no idea what it’s actually called). I hoofed it, stood in line for a good 30 minutes (great panoramic views), and zoomed on down at 58 mph. The thrill is short-lived but exhilarating.

The area up top is pretty much the hub for all the major thrill rides. Slush Gusher was my fave. It’s not that fast but on the way down, you catch some air and that’s what makes it cool. You get some air on Downhill Double Dipper too. That one’s supposed to be a race but really isn’t as the clock keeps ticking after you’ve left the ride. But that’s a Disney flaw. On the way up to that, we saw a little white girl, probably bout 5 or 6-years-old, and overweight as hell. I happened to be the poor schmuck behind her. It was funny and I was grossed out at the same time. So young yet has a world of health problems waiting for her if her parents don’t step in and do something about it. Lots of fat kids here. You can’t always blame genetics for this shit. Parenting skills (or lack thereof) play a part in it too.

Other stuff of note that I didn’t talk about in the vid was when I went to take a piss later on and saw another naked guy. White guy this time. And hairy. Before it rained, a little 2-year-old kid was crying his eyes out in the locker area cuz his parents left him naked while they were getting his swimming clothes ready. Yep, even saw a naked little boy. Full frontal. I guess some people just don’t care. Faggots and pedophiles will absolutely love this place.

Like I said, this is gonna be a short post. The rain came for about 20 minutes between 4 and 5p, the air temperature dropped a good 10 degrees, and the park thinned out. The rain stopped and people were out and about again till a massive bolt of lightning hit pretty close and the loud thunderclap sent everyone scrambling out of the park. It was hilarious. When that thunder roared, people flinched as if Jason had just jumped out of the bushes to kill ‘em. And I swear to god, most of the people were literally running to get out of the park. After that, it was dead. A fucking ghost town. Everything was closed and there was nowhere to go and nothing to do except leave. So we lost about 3 to 4 good hours of enjoyment. I lost a lot of video and pic opps. I did everything I could at the bottom and when I was gonna go topside, that’s when the rain put the kibosh on that. It was a major bummer. Their policy is that you have to have been in the park less than 4 hours to get a raincheck and it’s only good for the same park. Luckily, we did everything there was to do. It was a great time but the rain just killed the buzz.

We just left like everybody else. There were a few stragglers chillin’ on lawn chairs under the awnings by the wave pool. They paid for 8 o’clock and it looks like they were gonna get their money’s worth. I was looking forward to wrapping up all my pics and vid and getting back on all the rides with damn near 2 hours to spare if skies stayed clear. And since everyone left cuz of the rain, there’d be no wait. But the rain stuck around. Usually the rain comes and goes and the sun comes back out and it’s back in business time in less than an hour. Didn’t happen for us.

If you want refreshments other than water, the park sells big, branded cups for around 10 bucks and you get unlimited refills on soda and shit. You actually gotta scan the cup to get the refill. They’re way of making sure people don’t bring empty bottles to mooch. But there’s ways around everything if you’re an opportunist. Food options were bountiful and diverse but Aquatica’s got ‘em all beat with their unlimited deal. This Disney food wasn’t very fulfilling so you had to go back and get more. I understand that business aspect but once you’ve had a taste of Aquatica’s offerings, your standards go up. I want food to taste good but, more importantly, to fill me up. Disney doesn’t offer the latter on the cheap.

Lots of talent in the park too. Nothing above 8 though. Score opportunities exist too if you strike up a convo with the right chick (or guy for the ladies reading this). Lots of spots to do business if you’re inclined. Remember, these are mostly tourists. You’ll never hear from or see them ever again so choose wisely! We did see some nasty lookin’ chicks. Fat, balding, older guys. Cellulite city. Saggy, hanging tits. Melanoma central. In other words, the usual. There’s the pretty ones and then there’s the bottom-of-the-totem-polers who make up the majority of the world. There was a decent mix here. Of exception was a blonde euro chick we saw walking, a spanish teen (face looked 16, body was 20) we got on a tube ride with, and another spanish chick with humongous mammories we saw in the parking lot. The teen (from New York who was with her skinny, ugly friend) was the best opportunity but she wasn’t worth the risk. I chose wisely!

The lines were short for us cuz we got there early but midday the wait time gets up to an hour. So get there early if you can. That’s how we got to do everything in such a short time. Not much else to say. Can’t even express in words how much the rain was a complete bummer on the experience. It just swooped in and sucked the fun right out of the whole park. And there’s nothing that can be done about it either. It’s that time of year here in Florida when it rains every single day, sometimes all day, and on rare occasions all week. All the more reason for you to get there early since it typically doesn’t start raining till mid-to-late afternoon. That’s the best piece of advice I can give.