Click here to view a slideshow of pics. Click here to watch the video.
Pics and vid are pretty slim pickin’s cuz you can’t take either during the show. But you can before and after. Anyway, a friend of mine (who chooses to remain name and faceless) is a teacher and she got me and 2 of her other friends discounted tix cuz of her profession. 25 bucks plus tax compared to the regular price of $65-$75 plus tax. She even got in both of the parks free earlier in the day cuz of her damn job. How’d she do it? Full details are right here. If you do what she does for a living and live in Florida, you ain’t got much time left to get the same deal. This Saturday is the last day to take advantage of it.
She got our tix for the 9p show while she was at the park earlier and they were smack in the middle of the theatre. No poncho seating was left but our seats were still really good. Every seat is good actually. The place ain’t that big. She left the park to come to my place and get cleaned up for the night after sweating bullets all day. I drove my car, we made a pit stop at Wendy’s, and parked for free (since it was after 6) on the roof of the parking garage next to a truck filled with drunk-driving white guys. When they opened their door to get out, beer bottles were just fallin’ out all over the place. Sad and pathetic yet funny. It was like the bottles were saying, “Leaving without us? Oh hell no you ain’t!” Remember, it’s not safe to leave empty bottles of brew in a hot, locked car with the windows up.
We met up with her peeps at Pat O’Briens in CityWalk. There was some shit goin’ on there with Real Rock 101.1. Lots of depressed white people, standin’ and sittin’, talkin’, drinkin’, and smokin’. Wow, sounds like a lot of fun. That shit just ain’t my scene. One idiot was yelling out to me, “Kevin Garnett, Kevin Garnett.” I just ignored the knuckle. Not that I don’t hear that sometimes, and I’m usually cool with it, but these ain’t my kinda people and it wasn’t my kinda place. But that’s where her peeps were so I had no choice. I introduced myself and then went to take a piss. Bathroom was rather unique, I’d say. It has what I call an “executive suite.” You know, that big stall that’s all the way at the end for the wheelchair addicts? The door for this stall is an actual door that locks. Bet all kinds of hanky panky goes on up in that bitch. Big, wide open space too. Plenty of room to fuck comfortably.
We got the hell out of there and proceeded to walk on over to the Sharp Aquos Theatre. It’s recommended to get there 30 minutes before showtime and it was like, 8:28 and shit. So we had to book. But they were walkin’ all slow and shit. I walk fast so I just did my own thing, taking pics and vids, and would catch up to them. There was some RHCP cover band (performing Dani California) playing along the way with a decent size crowd peepin’ ‘em out and I stopped by to snap a pic. Should’ve got some vid too but too late now. There was something going on at the Hard Rock too. The damn line was long as fuck. I neglected to get any pics or vid of that. Just wasn’t thinkin’ about it.
They stopped in front of the Aquos entrance to snap some pics of themselves but I was busy snappin’ pics of my own. Then another of their friends showed up out of the blue but I was doin’ my own thing and never got introduced. When I got my cam and I’m doin’ my shit, I generally don’t like being bothered till I’m done getting whatever pic or getting whatever vid. I don’t bring it everywhere with me for nothing. I went ahead towards the theater shooting video while it was still fairly light out and left them behind. They caught up though.
The theatre is supposed to have been the old Nick studios building but in the distance I saw what I thought was the same old Nick building. I’m pretty sure I’m wrong. They prettied up the front entrance with landscaping and, according to my friend, earlier in the day they paved the sidewalk. The assumption is that they’re gonna paint it blue. Makes sense. Outside, the front area is pretty open. Lots of open space. There’s a merchandise stand just outside of the main area. And there’s a liquor and refreshment stand next to the box office. They scan your ticket with a scanner that looks similar to the ones you see in Wal-Mart and Target when they price-check something. The line wasn’t really that long. People were mostly dressed in what you expect to see tourists in. Very informal. I was thinking of going socks and flops but got gussied up anyway. But not too extreme though, unlike my friend. None of the employees were singing the freecreditreport.com song either.
Once inside, the lighting is fairly dim. Of course, the theatre has a branded name and that means branded merchandise. There was a wall of Aquos tv’s, then another merchandise area, another refreshment area, and then a bathroom. They know how to get you, don’t they? I didn’t buy shit or get shit to eat or drink cuz I’m pretty damn sure they didn’t have shit I wanted and their sustenance would be overpriced. I was cool. Didn’t peep the bathrooms to see what they look like. I had my cam so it’s a good thing I didn’t.
They went ahead and sat down while I was gettin’ more pics and vid of the theatre’s interior. At this point, I was limited on what I could do so I just called it a couple hours and took my seat. The staff is friendly and the seats are comfy enough with good views no matter where you are. When buying your tix, you have the option of sending a private message via the scrolling signs and whatever you tell them, it’ll show up in a humorous way before the show. Like if you want to send a happy birthday shout out to your wife that you brought along, they’ll do that but put a spin on it. Like, “Happy B-day to Julie Jackson: 2008 call girl of the year.” Well, not quite like that. You get my drift. The whole audience may sing happy birthday to you. You might get put in the spotlight. You might have to stand up too. So if you’re shy, be prepared to get embarrassed. Or if you’re an attention hog, this is the perfect opportunity to ham it up.
I did have one prob though. Someone was cutting silent-but-deadlies during the show. The whole fucking show! You know what? If you know you’re going into a situation where you’re gonna be surrounded by people you don’t know and you can’t control the tightness of your asshole, then you need to stop letting footlong guys fuck you up it. Get a far-away seat or take some fucking Gas-X. If I knew who was farting so much, there woulda been some serious probs up in that bitch. That shit ain’t fucking cool. That would most likely be the reason why whoever the hell it was kept them damn farts on the hush. No one would be able to identify them and everyone had no choice but to sit there and suffer. Let me tell you something, motherfucker. Whoever the hell you are, and this goes for any and everyone who does this type of shit, you’re nothing more than a festering pile of human dogshit in my eyes. Fuck you!
With that out of the way, the air conditioning was pleasant. Nice and cool. Not too hot, not too cold. It was just right. There’s absolutely nothing on the stage till later. It starts out with them playing drums in silhouette. Air drums is more like it as it would later be revealed humorously. The sound system is absolutely incredible. That’s the type of shit I want in my house and every movie theatre on earth would be smart to upgrade to whatever the hell they were using. It was fucking awesome. Rich bass, percussion, and vocals, clear guitars and keyboards, no distortion at any point. It surrounds you and moves through you. You can fucking feel it. And it’s loud. Not annoying loud though. Just very engaging loud. I’ve read shit online that you should bring ear plugs to BMG shows. Fuck that. You want the full experience? If your pacemaker can handle 2 hours of constant thumping and vibrations, fuck the ear plugs.
The next skit was 2 of them pouring different color liquids onto the bongos one of them was playing. The liquid would splash high or low depending on the force applied by the drummer. I’m sure there was some sort of lamp in the bongos too to heighten the color effect. After that, they did a skit where one of them (looked like a chink to me) threw things into the others mouths. The Brad Garrett looking blue man caught dye-soaked sponge balls and the other (looked white) caught marshmallows. Garrett proceeded to make a spit-painting (if you watch him, he’ll rinse his mouth when the attention is on the other two) while white boy just caught marshmallow after marshmallow in rapid succession. I have no idea how many he fit in his mouth (it was a lot) but I’m sure all the fags in the audience were getting their jollies from the spectacle and were thinking, “I’d love to be his pitcher.” Garrett had his painting while white boy, in comparison, had stuck a marshmallow on a similar canvas. Then he puked up all the marshmallows into a cone shape on a podium and slapped a price tag on it: $4,000. Yeah right. And my multi-colored snot tissue is worth $5,000.
After they got their applause for that, they went roaming around in the audience. White boy was catching some Toblerone in his mouth that a guest was throwing. Then he spit the Toblerone back into the guy’s hand. Nasty and funny at the same time. I’m sure the fags weren’t pleased to know he wasn’t as good a catcher as they imagined. I’ll admit I had to warm up to the humor. I didn’t know what to expect and I’m really not a show person so I tried to keep an open mind about the whole thing. I only went cuz it was something new and different and I’d heard a lot about it and it looked interesting. I’m not afraid to step out of my comfort zone cuz I don’t have one. Never have. It was new and different for me and that was good enough.
From here, my memory gets hazy since no pics or vid are allowed during the show and I wasn’t scribbling shit with a pen and pad. As far as order is concerned, I don’t remember. I do remember they did a Cap’n Crunch segment where their chewing sounds were amplified. I wonder how The Quaker Oats Company got that deal? The chink did the extremely loud crunches while Garrett tried to eat so much at once that his face was covered in the cereal. One of them (don’t remember which) even had a jumbo sized cereal box that was later revealed to have a regular sized box inside of it.
The next skit looked like it was gonna be something where the poncho area was gonna get wet. One of them held a bullseye on one end of the stage while the other had a water balloon and was gonna slingshot it like Bugs Bunny did to that boxer in the “Rabbit Punch” episode. You remember that shit. You know what the fuck I’m talkin’ about. Just then, some late-comers walk in and a “You’re late” song starts playing and the blue men themselves put the spotlight (not really a spotlight but that’s what I’ll call it) on the couple. I’m not so sure the couple was real. I think they were plants (wrestlespeak) cuz a cameraman jumped onstage just before it all went down. And they showed the footage on an onstage screen (one of three). Either there was some communication as to what was going on or it was planned. Either way, the water balloon skit didn’t happen because of it.
The screen setup was one big one in the middle and two smaller ones higher up on each side that showcased their band. They did an animation skit where a narrator explained a brief history of animation and its different forms. That lead into the statues around the tornado tube turning so rapidly that it looked like they were moving to the music playing. There was another narration about information and communication or something and the three of them did a skit where the audience was to read a sign held by each that revealed statistics about certain things and the main point was that no one would read just one of the signs like they were supposed to. Something about too much info available to people and how our attention spans relate to it.
Then there was the rock and roll movements. One moron bitch around me must’ve seen or heard of it before cuz she mentioned it right before it started, spoiling the surprise. Thanks a lot, dill. Just cuz it looks like a movie theatre don’t mean you gotta talk and spoil shit like in one, ya know. Lots of crowd participation here and I think white boy was banging on a huge drum that looked more like a gong. Some of the movements were way off though. Raising the roof at a rock concert? That’s hip-hop! The movements weren’t in order at all and they even skipped some numbers. The most important one was missing though: the mosh pit! But if that happened here, the senior citizens in the crowd woulda broke several bones from the elbow throwing alone.
Another narration was about modern plumbing. I forget what was said to lead into it but it was funny and came out of left field. I anticipated something stupid though (as far as the segment title) and that’s what it was. Here they used neon light signs and characters, and Star Wars style light sabers to make music and a choreographed routine. Pretty impressive how they were in sync with the digital characters and how those were in sync with the music.
There was lots of crowd participation and involvement through the whole show. Quite often they’d roam the audience for the fuck of it or to grab someone for a skit. The twinkie skit was probably the funniest one. They grabbed some tourist chick who actually did a good job interacting with them and making the whole thing work. They put some kind of vest on her and later on everyone found out what it was for. It was like they were having twinkies for dinner and each brought a decoration. Then it turned juvenile and they were acting appropriately. The funniest part was when Garrett stole a twinkie from white boy’s plate when he wasn’t looking. Then everyone found out what the vest was for: to squirt shit from it. Whatever that stuff was, they ate it and the audience was grossed out. All of them squirted but I don’t think the streams were long enough to get the poncho area. It ain’t Gallagher after all. Then they put that stuff in a chinese take-out box and gave it to her on her way to her seat.
Then they insulted my intelligence in another skit. They pulled a guy from the audience, dressed him up in a white painter’s outfit and sent him off backstage where he was splashed with blue paint, tied up by the feet, hung upside down, and used as a swinging human paintbrush by some other people. You expect me to believe that Universal, Sharp, and the BMG would risk that kind of liability? C’mon now, I ain’t stupid. He could’ve been a plant but I don’t think so. Then they roll out this little covered table with a jello candle on it. They rip it apart and the guy’s head is in it. Then they take him out of the table and he’s wearing a suit that made it look like it was him that was being swung around backstage. But all it was was a suit with blue blended into the design and fabric. It wasn’t paint. It wasn’t dripping. It wasn’t glossy. It wasn’t messy. In other words, it wasn’t him backstage and it didn’t even look like the same suit used to make the painting. I was kinda irked by this but I got over it. Most of the other people in the audience might’ve been fooled, but not me.
I think there was at least one other plant. When they roamed the audience on another occasion, they used a camcorder to tape people and one guy opened his mouth on cue and the cam was looking in it and onscreen it looked like the visual from an endoscope running down his throat (looked like extreme gonzo porn). Of course, that wasn’t real. I believe the guy was a plant cuz he kept his mouth open for so long as if he knew he had to. On another roaming excursion, they got an audience member to turn off the power. Everything did turn off but it was all part of the show. As long as they turned it back on soon so the ac would start flowing in case fartface went at it again. Two of the blue men then grabbed a spotlight and were looking for Garrett. They found him next to the power control panel eating a bowl of cereal. I thought that was hilarious cuz it turned into a running gag.
The other instance was during a narration (I forgot about what) and the blue men smeared shaving cream on a window. 2 of them went behind it while another was mock-cleaning it and you could see what they were doing when an area was cleared away. One time, Garrett was eating another bowl of cereal. Very funny to me. They did a narration about a part of the ear located by the eardrum that’s little known and what it’s for isn’t much known either. It might’ve been part of another narration. I don’t remember what that ear part is called either.
A cool part was when they used a set of big pvc pipes to drum on. The sound it made was organic like BT and industrial like Nine Inch Nails. The drum routine itself was pretty nice if you’re into that type of musical style. I liked it a lot. Another skit was when they stuck their heads up into some miniature screens and they head-bobbed to the music. But the visual was that of what appeared to be the faces of the original BMG. The visuals for one of them even became a clown head and some other humorous things. Kinda hard to describe a lot of the shit they were doing.
The best part of the show was when they went to the back of the theatre and pulled some thin, stringy paper all the way from back to front. And it just kept on coming even when they were back on stage. Just when you think there’s no more paper, someone throws a big wad on you. I did that to these geriatrics in front of me. They were just sitting there bored while I’m here with this huge smile on my face feeling like I was 5 years old and shit. Oh, they were gonna experience this shit! I collected huge wads and tossed that shit on their ass. Just dumped that shit right on top of their heads. They had no choice but to grab it and keep moving it forward in the audience. People were even tearing it and throwing shit all over the place after it was done. I absolutely loved this part of the show. So much fun. My words here don’t even give the experience proper justice.
Speaking of string paper, upon entrance, they give everyone a tiny strip. I wasn’t sure why but it seems that whoever is actually wearing theirs has a better chance of being chosen to get onstage. 3 people wearing theirs as headbands (a hot chick, a fat guy, and a little boy) were chosen for a skit where the blue men sat them down and stuck something in their ear attached to a string on a chopstick if that makes sense. Then they performed a comedic musical routine with them. White boy’s string broke but they still pulled it off.
The more likely reason for the smaller string paper is that during the final performance, anything white in the theatre will glow due to the light setup when things went dark. My friend’s dress had a lot of black and white maze patterns and she really stood out. If it was a rave with a similar lighting effect, she’d be pretty popular. There’s tubes hanging from the ceiling. At first, I thought they were the ac ducts blowing down. But they were part of the show and hung down and twirled around with the animated statues during the last musical performance where all 3 were playing splashing bongos. Then they got their applause, with all parties involved in the production onstage with them, and went behind a silhouetted screen where they stood till the image went to black. Inbetween a lot of the stuff they were doing, there was musical routines. I’m describing my experience as best as I can given how much time has passed. I could be wrong about some things.
Afterwards, my friend and her people left. They split but she was hanging in the lobby waiting for me. I stayed behind to get some more vid. I filmed up top rather than down below since there was so much paper down there. I hope they recycle! Still, now I wish I woulda went down there but I can’t turn back time. Probably woulda got stopped anyway cuz, as you can see in the vid, a staff member gave me a nudge to leave the area. But she wasn’t mean. No one was actually. Everyone was nice and professional and all smiles and very accommodating. Not the type of treatment I’m accustomed to from employees on Universal property. Basically, they needed to strike the stage and clean up all that paper and I was in the way. I’ve done that type of work before so I know how it is when stragglers are around. After a 14 hour day, it’s time to go home. Been there.
In the lobby, the band and the blue men were giving photo ops for free. One person even had Garrett’s painting. Whether he actually paid for it, I have no idea. Kids were wrapped in paper like they planned on framing it as a memento or saving it to use as a Halloween costume. I got my pics, my friend got hers, and we called it a night. One interesting thing happened on our walk back to the car. I’ve learned that you have to be 18 and over to buy anything from Cinnabon after 11p. No shit. We walked up on this guy and a security guard, both being very sarcastic towards each other, having a debate over why kids were being kicked out of the place since it didn’t serve alcohol. It was really funny but I couldn’t exactly hold my cam right in their face and record the whole thing.
The reason is that after a certain time, they won’t even let kids into CityWalk. So they try to get the ones that are still there without supervision out of there. Makes it easier for servers I guess. And on security since the delinquents ain’t there causing trouble. Anyway, the show was about an hour and 45 minutes. Highly entertaining. Great time. Worth the money? No. Not for what they’re charging. We got a steal with what we paid. Got all our money’s worth. But $65 minimum for admission? I don’t think so. That’s just too much in my opinion. It wasn’t sold out as the upper and outer sections were empty. I’d say that’s about 100 extra people that coulda fit. 20-55 bucks is what I’d consider a fair range based on the experience I just had. I understand a simplified price point makes accounting and related tasks easier. I also understand everyone involved needs to get paid and they all have bills to pay and costs to cover. And Quaker Oats needs their royalty check too.
The show definitely has entertainment value, no question in that, but it’s not worth the asking price. If you’re shitting out 20 dollar bills, wiping your ass with 50 dollar bills, and flushing it down a toilet where 100 dollar bills replaces the water, then go for it. But if you’re cost conscious like me and want to get the most bang for your buck and know the value of a dollar, then you might wanna look around for whatever discount you can get. With my current finances, I woulda never paid full price for this. It’s just too much money for this type of spectacle. I’d say my tix had a value of 40-50 bucks due to our seating location. So I got a deal.
I’m not saying don’t go see the Blue Man Group. I’m highly recommending that you do. It’s an awesome, fun, entertaining, interactive, and informative time. Great for a first date or a casual night out. And I generally shy away from shows but they got me. I was impressed, enthralled, and I loved it. If shows and/or theatrics with music and comedy blended in are your kinda thing, then it’s automatic that you’ll love it. One issue I might have (other than quiet methane seepage extruding from between someone’s ass cheeks around me) is the show’s content. Is it the same thing every time or do they mix it up and have more stuff up their sleeve? I’d love to see them again but I need something different, not the same ol’, same ol’. That’s really my only concern (excluding invisible, odorous smoke signals). The fact that I’d wanna see them again should tell you that it’s worth seeing a first time. If you got time to spare and money to spend, go for it. If not, make time, save your money, and try to get a discount somehow, someway. You won’t be disappointed. It really is that good of a show.
