When I say hot breakfast, I ain’t talkin’ about hot fucking coffee or oatmeal or grits and bullshit like that. That’s that scam ass bait and switch type bullshit that some of these pussy ass hoteliers sucker motherfuckers with to get motherfuckers to stay in their hotel. Thinkin’ you gonna get some eggs and bacon but all you really gettin’ is a hot cup of fucking cocoa and shit with some dog puke lookin’ oatmeal that looks like gruel prepared by some dumb spic Mexican bitch that can’t speak english worth a shit yet she’s preparing your food and probably cooked it too. Fuck all that fake ass shit. You paid for the guarantee of the advertised hot breakfast with your room, not a warmed up in a microwave doughnut. Get what the fuck you pay for.

Or you can get what you didn’t pay for for free! So you got yourself a room. Nice pad, good amenities, nice ambience and shit. But no free breakfast. And if it does have one, it’s that continental, old school, cheap shit. You want a hot breakfast. Eggs, bacon, sausage, a fucking freshly cooked omelet perhaps. Yeah, you want bananas and fruit, cereal, bagels, and the usual. But nothing’s better than a real breakfast (I ain’t talkin’ about morning sex), am I right? So here’s how to get it without paying jack shit for it.

My friend put me on game this past Thanksgiving about this shit. His parents were visiting and they shacked up in a hotel: Embassy Suites. Naturally he was with them during that time and discovered that, depending on the area and the hotel, they serve a free hot breakfast. He was all happy and shit about it cuz the place ain’t that far from his apartment. He even jacked a room key just in case he needed proof that he was staying there for future visits (which he took full advantage of). He kept telling me I needed to come do that shit with him. So a couple weeks back I did.

I ain’t gonna incriminate us by saying which Embassy Suites we went to. Just know that’s the hotel chain that provided us with the free meal. He had the key with him but it was totally unnecessary. Parking was free too. We waltzed up in there and the lobby was packed with guests cuz that’s where they serve the food and people sit and eat there too since there’s plenty of tables and chairs available. On one side, there’s eggs, bacon, and sausage. You know, the basic hot shit. That’s where we went for the first serving. Inside was so full of people, we ate outside at the poolside bar. Nobody said shit to us. It was like it was no big deal. Mind you this was about 8 or so in the morning and it wasn’t open anyway. Breakfast hours were 7a-10a.

We went back in for beverages. Milk, oj, and various fruit drinks. All for free. In another little kiosk type thing there was cereal, bagels, and the other shit you’d expect. We were outside stuffing our faces and straight chillin’. One more friend arrived and he got in on it too. I got a very healthy appetite for someone my size so I went back in to try the made-to-order omelet. The chef’s area and line was opposite the basic hot shit line. They let you select what you want in the omelet first. Like salsa, lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, and shit like that. You put however much you want in a cup, hand it to the chef when your turn in line comes up, he cooks it up, with or without cheese (your choice), and that’s it. You give him your plate, he gives it back with your grub on it. You like the service, you can leave him or her a tip. Big ass omelet too. I tore that motherfucker the fuck up! We chilled afterwards and nobody bothered us. Then we just left the same way we came the fuck in and that was that. I left them a good fart on the way out.

Free motherfucking food. Let’s say we stayed next door in a hotel that had no kind of breakfast and Denny’s and Perkins and shit is too far and too expensive. Shit, all you gotta do is walk in the front motherfucking door of the Embassy and ain’t nobody gonna say shit to your sheisty ass. Couple of black ass, local ass niggers like us did it, why not you too, motherfucker? Get your food, kick back and enjoy it, then get the fuck out. Simple as that. Now Embassy ain’t the only place that’s confirmed to give free hot breakfast to anyone. It was last year that I went to Boca Raton with some friends to see some wrestling. Me and a homie stayed at a Doubletree. They give free hot breakfast too. No room key required or nothing like that. Just walk in, get your shit, enjoy it, and leave. But that was almost two years ago. Don’t know if they still do that. But you can try it and see. Ain’t gonna hurt nothing.

So for you cheap ass tourists lookin’ for a freebie or ways to save dough when you travel, I just gave you a little secret not many people know about. Of course it ain’t a secret nomore but at the same time it ain’t like my blog is super duper popular either. I’m small fry in the land of internet giants. And we ain’t stoppin’ with just those two hotels. This is an ongoing project. Like I said before, it depends on the area. If it’s a tourist area, you’re more likely to find that deal. Business? Probably not, but you never know. So go ahead and give it a shot. Embassy Suites and Doubletree confirmed. Free hot breakfast. No room key or id required. Know of any other places like that? Hey, lemme know.

There are people like me who want to know what the diffs are between the theatrical release of Live Free or Die Hard and the dvd unrated version. A couple weeks back I watched the unrated version and here’s the answer to everyone’s question who wants a definite fucking answer since these clown ass reviewers online can’t seem to fucking do it. There ain’t that much of a fucking diff. There’s some f-bombs dropped but not many, the violence is amped up slightly, and there’s more blood but not much. The shit might as well still be PG-13 as far as I’m concerned.

Mclane is the one (really the only one) saying “fuck” and “motherfucker” over anyone else in the flick and even then he doesn’t say it enough. There are occasions where you just know there should be tons more cussing but it’s just not delivered. Don’t expect Die Hard 3 level cussing. It just ain’t here. Not even fucking close. Fucking Len Wiseman talkin’ ‘bout this version is the one true fans will enjoy. Bullshit. The cussing just wasn’t up to par. Remember the car scene with Mclane, his daughter, and her maybe boyfriend? You’d think that’d be laced with “asshole” instead of “jerk off” but it’s not. It’s still watered down. So again, there’s harder cussing but not by much. Not like the previous movie which is one of the greatest movies of all time in my opinion. The scene with Kevin Smith. Expecting a cussing extravaganza? Oh, you’re in for the disappointment of a lifetime. Of a fucking lifetime! And yes, at the end of the movie you get the full catchphrase, not masked by a gunshot like in the theatrical one.

Violence and blood really isn’t all that much more graphic. You actually see motherfuckers getting shot and the cg blood mist but that ain’t ‘bout shit. I mean, I ain’t expecting gore or nothin’ but c’mon, man, this is unrated. I call bullshit advertising on this shit. Don’t get me wrong. I loved the movie. It was really good. But it could’ve been so much better if the violence and cussing had been more authentic and realistic for these characters. This PG-13 trend really sucks. Watering down movies to appeal to kids and families (a broader audience is what the studios call it) is complete garbage. You have any idea what the fuck country this is, motherfuckers? If you’re gonna shoot certain types of movies, do the theatrical version watered to hell all you want. Just give me the real, proper, director’s cut, made for adults version on dvd. One for the pussies and one for the real motherfuckers. Shit, it’d be even better to have something like that for the theaters. Rated R on this screen, watered down bullshit on the other.

Went to see I Am Legend last weekend. Feel sorry for the people who paid extra to see it on an IMAX screen cuz it just ain’t worth the money in my opinion. I paid the student price on a regular one. I read a review early on and they mentioned how the movie was only 90 minutes and possibly too short for the money and that the cg was pretty crappy. They were right. 90 minutes isn’t a good length for a movie of this magnitude. 2 hours? Yeah, I can roll with that and it’d be worth it then. That would’ve gave more time to explain the story more and better than what was presented. The cg was shitty as hell. From the humans to the animals, it was very painfully obvious what was real and what wasn’t. It’s like they didn’t even try to make the infected humans look real. Looked like something from a fucking video game to be honest.

So you’ve got a short movie with shit special effects. Do you spend the money to see it on the big screen? I’d say no. You’re better off waiting for dvd. I don’t give a shit if it’s based on a popular book, has Will Smith all buffed up and shit, cost a lot to make and made some serious bank at the box office. It just ain’t worth the dough. A chic I’m talking to said it was great but her first words to describe the movie were, “Will Smith is hot.” That ain’t tellin’ me shit and surely ain’t gonna coerce me to see the movie. Who the hell does Will Smith think he is, James from Survivor China? You hot ass niggers, you! I already planned on seeing it, so I did. My friend I was supposed to go with bailed on me cuz his bro said it sucked. I’m gonna see a movie regardless of what people or critics say or think. It matters what the fuck I think in the end. And I don’t think it’s worth the price of admission. DVD? Go for it.

I ain’t shittin’ on the movie at all. The climax was one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. Really powerful. Another scene involving the dog was also very powerful, evoking lots of sorrow. There was bits of humor and lunacy on Smith’s part. But I don’t think the director truly conveyed that sense of aloneness. Not loneliness. That came later. But aloneness. He’s supposed to be the last man on earth, right? Think about motherfuckers in solitary confinement or that’ve been committed. Think about how they act or how you think you’d act in a situation like that. Smith was a little too sane for my taste. I don’t know about you men out there reading this, but I gotta release my nut after a couple days if I’m in a dry spell. Otherwise, that shit fucks with your body and mind. Smith didn’t exhibit any of that type of behavior. No indication that he was losing his mind yet keeping it under control to accomplish his mission. I think that’s where the story was fucked up the most and that’s where that extra 30 minutes or more could’ve been used.

There’s something else I wanna say in relation to the testosterone. Okay, you’ve heard there’s a chic in this flick, right? Okay, now think what you’d really and truly do as a man or a woman in this situation and suddenly you meet someone of the opposite sex after x amount of time. What’re you gonna do?