Q: You’re hungry and your baby wants to ride the merry-go-round. What do you do?
A: Put them on the microwave carousel to solve both problems.
Q: How do you stop your baby from overheating?
A: Set the microwave power setting to medium.
Q: What can you do to make a microwaved baby look presentable?
A: Put garnish in the sockets where its eyeballs were before they exploded.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop. The inspiration for these jokes comes from this story.
Q: When can’t you let a child be your designated driver?
A: When their blood/alcohol content is higher than yours.
Q: When should you let your baby drink alcohol?
A: When your husband has drank all the breast milk and the baby gets jealous.
Q: Why shouldn’t you let a baby drink liquor?
A: Why not?
Alright, enough already. I was peeping Nancy Grace one night and saw this story. Pretty pathetic but guess what? It happens all the time.
I jumped on the Idol bandwagon late. I missed all of the first 4 seasons because at the time I thought Idol was stupid. But with my new attitude, I decided to give it a chance last season and loved it. Thank god for Idol: Rewind because now I get to watch everything that I missed. It sucks to know who’s gonna win already but at least I get to see all the auditions that I’ve only heard about.
My Boys is done for the season and I’ll admit I didn’t see the cliffhanger coming. On more than one occasion they teased a hook up between PJ and Brendan but nothing ever happened so I assumed they were just really good friends. But after that kiss? Wow. Can’t wait till next season. PJ is such an easy slut anyway and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if all those guys have already hooked up with her or are going to at some point. We’ll just have to wait and see. Great show. If you missed out, you can still peep the eps online here.
One thing about that show; I’ve never seen any show with as much alcohol consumption as that one. King of the Hill is a distant second. It’s like all of the characters have a constant flow of Budweiser and Jack Daniels running through their veins instead of nurturing red and white blood cells. I liked the ep where Brendan stopped drinking and the world was a better place. But the peer pressure and stress that we call white people pulled him back down. Ha. Don’tcha just love when Wendy does that?
Want a good laugh or just wanna piss somebody off? Me and this guy at work started some dumb bullshit by telling each other what to do when we’re already doing it or know we’re gonna do it. For example, say I have to go pick up a box, walk a certain path or distance, and have to put it on a specific spot on a specific table. He’d say something like, “Pick up that box, walk down that aisle, and put it right here on this table.” You know, just something stupid like that while I’m already doing it. Nobody likes being told what to do and we always get a good laugh out of it when we do it.
Go ahead and try that with someone you know, your bf/gf, or a coworker. Just tell them to do what they’re already doing or that you know they’re gonna have to do. You can be a total prick about it or you could be subtle. Either way, if you get what I’m saying and do it right, you’re gonna have a hard time keeping a straight face while that person gets increasingly pissed at you or they’re gonna laugh right along with you. Give it a try and see what happens.
Like bestiality? C’mon, just admit you look at that shit. The one thing that I just don’t understand about it is how the hell companies like BFI and Caledonian find such smokin’ hot girls to do that shit. I really don’t get it. Makes you wonder sometimes. Not a good thought to think if the girl you just asked out likes getting eaten out by her pet. One way to investigate is a site like the next one I’ll mention. Think YouTube meets bestiality and what do you get? You guessed it: BeastTube. Unbelievable.
Anyway, there’s plenty of free, quality bestiality vids here and here. Yep, I’ve looked at more than my fair share of that stuff and the nastiest ones tend to be when guys get fucked by dogs or horses. I’ve seen a lady do a dog and a horse at the same damn time and didn’t think much of it. But seeing a guy get tied by a german shepherd and long-dicked by a horse up the ass with cum flying all over the place…that shit’s just nasty. I guess that’s just the double standard attitude taking over.
And there’s just tons of free porn, including bestiality, here. And just like bestiality, the girls are mostly all hot. Even the older broads tend to still have their looks. And the stuff that they’re willing to do on camera for the whole world to see…man, if that’s not a confidence booster I don’t know what is. Seeing this type of shit just gives you incentive to ask any girl that you thought might’ve been out of your league out on a date. If you see enough hot bitches that are willing to do practically anything, how could they say no to you? And if you catch one, how do you know what they’re into? Only one way to find out. You might get lucky and get one of those freak bitches, too.
Fuck rejection. It’s gonna happen. Even though the chics we see in all levels of porn may or may not get paid handsomely, most likely they still get paid something, they’re doing it of their own free will, and they’re not ashamed of the notoriety that comes along with putting themselves and their behavior on the internet. Every man wants a hot girl that’ll do anything. Porn is an unrealistic standard to hold all women to, but when you’ve seen enough of it, reality can be warped. My head is on straight and I’ve been with freak bitches who you’d never guess were that way so I know it’s possible to find them. They’re out there. And when you find one, don’t spend a penny on them and ask if you can take pics or videotape them. All they can say is yes or no, right? Because girls are stupid like that.
Notice the similarities in the pics. The idea for the Hulk was no doubt influenced by the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story. I just got through reading LXG vol. 1 and when I came across that page I got to wondering if Lindelof and Yu got their inspiration for their famous splash page from this one. I even wonder if Ultimate Hulk was inspired by Alan Moore’s rendition of Edward Hyde.
LXG was a good read. The movie resembled the book in no way, shape, or form. Fuck that shitty ass movie. Just like Moore, I fucking boycott that shit. I also read the Elektra Assassin tpb. A surprisingly good read. If the movie was anything like the book, it would’ve been successful since the art and storytelling were very cinematic. Now I’m reading Mark Millar’s Marvel Knights Spider-man. Only read the first ish so far so I can’t say much about it right now. But since it’s Millar, I already know it’s gonna be good.
Gearing up for Megacon and the things I need to buy. Going 2 days this time so I don’t have to rush it. Gonna take my time to enjoy everything about it rather than just buying comics. I know I’m gonna need House of M, Disassembled, Civil War, and Infinite Crisis. Then there’s the smaller titles I’ll need like Supreme Power, Ultimates, and Straczynski’s FF. I’m perfectly happy being a year behind on my reading. Why pay full price when you can wait and get the same shit for cheap?
