Let’s start out with last Wednesday.  Me, Andy, Dre, and his brother Andrew went to Icon to see Sander Kleinenberg.  We went in separate cars.  Me and Andy in his car.  Dre and his bro in theirs.  A portion of downtown was blocked off and we had no idea why.  Parking was a fucking bitch and we drove around a lot more than we wanted just to find a spot.  We ended up in the parking garage across from the downtown library.  From there we walked around to check out the scene.  That’s when we found out what the fuck was going on down there.  It was the annual pre-thanksgiving street party.  Who the fuck has shit like this the night before thanksgiving?  Just another created event to get people’s money.

The ratio was fucking on point.  About 5 girls for every guy.  And all of them were hot…and white!  First thing we did was walk over to Icon to see if Sander was gonna be there for sure and how much.  I asked the security guy how much and he said 15 bucks before 11.  It was already after 11, so we were screwed on that…so we thought.  More on that later.  Then I asked him who was playing.  Idiothead was like, “Uh…Uh…”  Fucking moron said he couldn’t pronounce the name.  What the fuck are you working there for and you can’t even fucking tell people who’s performing, jackface?!  Talk about sales and marketing.  That’s when a guy that was going into the club told us who it was.  He pronounced it perfectly.  We just needed to know for confirmation so that we weren’t wasting our time.

After that fiasco, me and Dre got hungry so we dipped into a pizza joint to get some grub but he suggested this place down the street called the Pita Pit instead.  I never heard of the place but he said they had good, cheap food.  I’m open-minded and always down for something new, so I gave it a shot.  The cheapest thing on the menu was a falafel.  I only heard about the thing from an episode of Less than Perfect where the main characters were creaming over them, but here I am about to taste one.  Dre convinced me that they were good, so I got it.  The chic who made my sandwich asked me what I wanted on it.  I had no clue cuz I never had one before, so I left that decision up to her.

I got almost everything on it except spinach roots or some shit like that.  Dre got those things on his falafel and said they were good.  I asked the “falafel artist” to let me try a sample and she did.  They fucking taste like shit.  It was like eating grass right from the ground.  Thus the name spinach roots.  How apropos.  The way they were making them, I thought it didn’t come with meat, but they did.  And it was actually pretty damn good, too.  I’d eat another.  Reasonably priced and it fills you up.

Then we walked around a bit more and slid up into Icon for the show.  It was around 11:30 or so, and it was still 15 bucks.  Same dumb ass security guard, too.  Fucking moron.  We got up in there and Sander was already spinning.  Place was pretty full for it to be so early.  He started out with tribal, went to progressive house, and went back to tribal.  He had a couple of scratches too, and everyone there caught it.  A good dj doesn’t make mistakes like that, Sander!  What pissed me and Andy off (and the reason why we wanted to leave early around 1 or so) was that he slowed it down and went back to tribal after spinning some kick ass house.  That was a mistake and it was obvious that he was losing the crowd.  He damn sure lost us.

Still, it was a great set.  Lots of good house music spinnin’, man.  And I love my house.  The bartenders were fucking smokin’ but they had the lousiest service of any establishment I’ve ever been in.  I went to the second level for some water (cuz I don’t drink) and had to wait 10 minutes and the bartender still was nowhere near able to take my order.  So I said fuck it.  Went downstairs and it was the same deal except I had to wait longer.  Michelle met us there and wanted a beer and I was already at the bar, so she gave me some dough to get it for her rather than wait.  Smart move cuz these girls were hot yet slow.  Andy had to wait for his drinks too, and he was complaining about it.  He went to school for bartending so he knows how it’s supposed to be done.  I can’t completely blame the bar girls though.  Gotta blame Icon for that one.  You bring in a world famous dj, you should expect a lot of people.  And there was a shitload of people there.  That means you should have the bar covered with enough people, too.  There were more security guards there than bar staff and there wasn’t a single incident that went down.  Where’s your priorities at Icon?  Public safety is one thing.  Makin’ that cheddar is another and you just cost those girls a lot of tips, jackasses.

I walked around a lot to check out the scene…and the girls of course.  Just like earlier on the street, there was lots of ‘em.  The ones that stuck out the most were the girls on the stage.  A goth chic was totally raved out.  Another chic was an obvious seasoned raver.  She had water and glow sticks intact.  Andy’s girl (some blonde chic that he thought looked good) couldn’t dance for shit.  All she did was wave her hands and look at Sander the whole night.  You could tell she was a groupie.  There was a black chic in leather platform boots (all kinds of meat on her) that could dance her ass off; better than anyone in the whole fucking club.  That bitch could move, man.  And she was hot…literally.  She was dancing so much that she was sweatin’ like hell.  Now that’s what you call a workout.  She was with some fucking scrub, old ass, balding, white motherfucker that couldn’t dance a fucking lick.  How the fuck did she fall for that guy?  Must be her sugar daddy or something.  Can’t hate on him though.  He pulled himself a hottie even though he can’t shake his moneymaker worth a goddamn.  Mad props.

But there was one girl on that stage...man, this girl was one of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen in my life.  I saw her the moment we walked in the door up there dancing.  Andy and Dre caught her a little later.  She was practically another groupie, just shakin’ her hips and waving her arms looking up at Sander the whole time.  But man, this girl was “top shelf” as Andy describes her.  The bitch had the face, skin, figure, body, clothes, tits, hair…she had it all, man.  No flaws…except for a tattoo on her lower back.  She lost some points with me on that.  Not a whole point.  Just fractions of a point.  Enough to keep her close enough to still being a 10.  Andy said she saw her with a guy; maybe her boyfriend.  That kinda sucked cuz if I woulda caught her alone somewhere, I woulda had to say something, man.  I took some pointers from ol’ Raj from the Apprentice:  if you see a hot girl that’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you have to say something or you’ll regret it forever.  I’m telling you man, that girl was just too fucking perfect.

Here’s what’s fucked up about everything.  As the night progressed, it turned into a sausagefest.  I could see the ratio turning out of our favor.  It finally hit me when there were more guys on the stage than girls.  Then I saw a guy dancing so femininely.  I was like, “What the fuck is going on here?”  I looked around and I realized that the place was teeming with meat mongers.  That’s another reason why we left.  Scoring opportunities were long gone.  When we left and got on the street, it was the same deal.  Fucking faggots everywhere.  Fucking idiot Dre didn’t realize the place was swimming with gayfers till we told him.  Hot, young, black studs like us were their chum.  Thanks for catering to their needs, Orlando.  You roll out the red carpet for these literal cocksuckers, but you roll out the blue and red lights when niggers wanna do shit.  Fuck you.

We did a last walk down to Church Street where the $10 admission street party there was ending.  Andrew said he didn’t like Icon cuz he didn’t like the music.  That might explain why he stayed in the same spot all night.  His plan was to pick up a chic to fuck for the night and dammit, he wasn’t gonna be denied.  Lots of girls were leaving Church Street, so him and Dre decided to stick around there to try to snatch some dumb, drunk, hobbling bitch on their way out.  And there was plenty of them.  Come to find out later neither one of them pulled anything.  How sad.

Me, Andy, and Michelle parted ways with them so they could carry out their plan.  We were gonna leave and went up Orange Ave. to shoot the shit.  We were on the corner of Orange and Central and there’s this bar there.  I don’t remember what it’s called.  All of a sudden, the security guards there (all of them white) come flying out of the place fighting with some dumb ass (he was white) actin’ stupid.  They hemmed him up outside and got him face down on the bricks.  That’s when the bike cops (all of them white, too) showed up and they sat him down.  Then some little spic and his girlfriend (she was white and they just happened to be his friend) start talkin’ shit and wildin’ out.  A big ass, 4-eyed security guard there was taunting the little mexican motherfucker right in front of the cops.  His girl pulled him back and then those two started arguing.  Then the cops got on the mexican because he pushed his girl off of him.  They got ‘em all together and sat ‘em all down…and then let everyone go.  Just let ‘em walk away.  I was like, “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”  If that was a bunch of niggers actin’ a fool, I guarantee they woulda got put on lock.  I guarantee it.

First, the one security guard was being a jackass; taunting motherfuckers on the street in front of cops.  They didn’t say shit to him.  Then they go easy on the spic.  Probably cuz his bitch was a cracker.  A female bike cop grabbed him hard and gave him a warning to calm down or go to jail.  Then the cops sat all of the drunk fucks down and let ‘em walk.  You know they were talking shit when they walked away, too.  Especially the girl.  They just let ‘em walk.  Right in front of me.  I couldn’t believe it.  It was fucking hilarious, don’t get me wrong.  But I’ve seen niggers get stuck for less serious shit than that.  Fucking racism, man.  I live in such a wonderful city, don’t I?  Fags and racists.  Now there’s a good mix.

The fun don’t stop there.  While all that shit was going down, some guy walked right through it talking on his cell phone…with a bloody ass face like he just got in a fight and got his ass kicked.  It wasn’t even Halloween and we were fucking laughing our asses off, man.  How’d they let that guy just pass them by with his grill all covered in blood?  And he just walked by all casual and shit like no one would notice that…talking on a fucking cell phone no less.  Fucking funny as hell.  Then when me and Andy were leaving, we passed by this group of homeless bums.  Here’s the dialogue of one of the bums as we walked by: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  You wanna take a piss in the street?”  We were like, “What the fuck is he talkin’ about?”  The fucking drunk ass homeless bastard actually said the blah’s.  I ain’t makin’ this shit up.  We were fucking dying laughing on the way home.

Crazy shit like this always happens around me.  For this reason, I’ve come to learn that I need a fucking camcorder to share this shit with people.  I did my research and the one that I want is a JVC Everio GZ-MG50.  These are the first ones on the market with a built-in hard drive.  I gotta have one.  I’ll wait till next year to see if the prices come down or I’ll wait to see if any competitors join the fray.  Or I’ll wait for some kind person out there reading this to make a generous donation so that I can get one.  Or maybe someone out there would like to simply buy it for me and send it as a Christmas gift.  That’d be great.  ‘Tis the season, right?  I’m such a fucking loser, ain’t I?  I was gonna save to get it eventually, but that’s gonna be kinda hard to do now.

Why?  Cuz I got fired Monday.  After a weekend of getting stuffed full to capacity at Golden Corral, I went in Monday and the boss sat me down and told me they were letting me go cuz “I didn’t fit in.”  Who the fuck did he think he was, Martha Stewart?  I was fucking laughing on the inside.  Numbnuts wanted to shake my hands after that shit.  Asshole, you don’t shake hands with someone you just fired for bogus reasons, you dumb fuck.  But he was right.  I didn’t fit into that black,  ghetto bitch atmosphere.  I already saw the writing on the wall cuz he was getting on my case for small shit like, “You need to say thank you in every call.  Say the person’s name.  Say good afternoon.”  Where was this bullshit coming from? 

Yet the chickenheads that work there clock each other in and out, leave the job on the clock, come in hours late routinely, bring their kids there to stay for the whole shift, claim reservations they didn’t make, and a lot of other shit that’s a lot more important than me not following script each and every time.  I was like, “Whatever.”  What pissed me off was that the fucking bald, 4-eyed fuckbrain didn’t call me when he knew he was gonna fire me to save me the time that I took to go to work that morning.  I coulda still been in bed sleeping.  I know some of you motherfuckers are saying, “Well, it’s more professional to bring a person in to fire them.”  Fuck that bullshit.  This is Florida.  Employment is at will.  You can fire a motherfucker at any time for any reason.  Although their reasons were shit, it’s the timing that got me pissed.  If I know I’m gonna fire somebody, I’m gonna let them know right away, “Hey, you’re fired.”  I’ll do it Donald Trump style.

I ain’t gonna be like these motherfuckers that let someone finish out their work week or get the labor out of them for that day and then fire the motherfucker.  I’m firing your ass for a reason.  Why keep you around longer than necessary?  Let’s do the shit and get it over with as quickly and painless as possible.  Fire me over the phone next time, not in person.  Don’t waste my fucking time!  I was gonna quit that shit anyway, so it didn’t even bother me at all.  I was kinda happy cuz now I’d have some time at home to get things done for the week and next week I’d start job-hunting with more passion than now.  Thus is the life of an unemployed student.  It sucks (not all the time though) but what’re you gonna do?

A bitch called in and talked to my supe and wanted a room for herself and her two 50 pound dogs.  When she was done with the call, my supe just came right out and said that she thinks the lady wanted the room to have sex with the dogs and videotape it.  Then she talked about how her and her husband came across this bestiality video on the net.  She said when she saw it she couldn’t believe it.  She was disgusted by it and never knew that people fucked their pets.  She said, “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw how that dog was on top of that lady; fucking her like she was a goddamn female dog.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of that shit.”  Ha.  How ‘bout that shit?  All I have to say is welcome to the real world. 

You see how people think once they’ve seen something like that?  The lady might just love her pets in a non-physical way.  But oh no.  Once you’ve crossed over and seen it with your own eyes, that’s it.  You never view the world the same way again after seeing some big ass great dane fucking and humping away at some white euro bitch doggystyle with his 9 inch pecker.  Putting it all the way in to the knot, filling her pussy with his doggy sperm, and when he pulls out (if he isn’t stuck inside of her), his fucking dog cum spills out all over the place and then she goes down on him; sucking, jacking, and licking his big swollen pink dick while he busts in her mouth and all over her face and body so none of the nut goes to waste.  If you’ve never seen a dog-on-girl vid, this is how it usually plays out.  You get used to it after a while.

The last funny moment at this fucking place was when a guest called to make a reservation for some luxury resort in the Virgin Islands and the room just happened to have a private pool.  The bitch asked me one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever heard in my life: “Can you swim in it?”

Andy said last week’s Impact was the best one ever.  He said it was good from top to bottom and that’s saying a hell of a lot!  So from his review, I made it a point to go last night cuz I was expecting a fucking excellent show.  What I got was the usual bullshit.  It started out with a tease.  Worse than when you think a stripper’s gonna give you more than just a lap dance.  When we got up in that motherfucker, the ring ropes were made of barbed wire.  We were going crazy just by the thought of there being a barbed wire match that night.  Instead it was just a fucking face off between Abyss and Sabu in the ring.  That’s it.  When it was done, the crowd was chanting, “What was that crap?”  Aptly said.

Then the ring crew came down and took 10,000 years to take down the barbed wire and set up the ring ropes.  Add that to Borash talking and talking and talking for what seemed like 50,000 years and I’m surprised my ass ain’t dead, ancient, and mummified.  He needs to change his name from Borash to Boring Ass.  No one would be able to tell the difference.  Then came the segment with the White Sox.  It was nice to see Heenan again (he was loving the weasel chant).  We saw him outside while waiting in line, but I didn’t really think it was him cuz he was so skinny and old-looking.  But it was him alright.  I was the only one who recognized Dale Torborg in the ring, too.  Just shows how much he’s forgotten by the fans.  And with good reason.  The only thing good about him was his wife.

Simon Diamond interrupted and down came the Diamonds in the Rough; one of the worst gimmicks in wrestling history.  Elix isn’t a loser.  Simon most certainly isn’t a loser.  David Young…well, he’s like the Joey Maggs of TNA.  Simon cut a great promo.  Just showed how good he is on the mic.  Everything else about it sucked.  Sonjay, AJ, and Sabin didn’t even get proper ring entrances.  Again, it just shows how fucked up the booking is in TNA.  All the flashy lights and pyro still won’t bring you to the bigtime if you don’t know how to be bigtime.  And they don’t.  I really don’t like how Simon and Elix are being used.  Elix’s character could be further developed by giving him mic time and a good feud, and Simon could be a contender for the world title in my book.  The fans really didn’t wanna see anyone from the White Sox in the ring cuz after that bullshit with that NASCAR driver, any outside sport lost props with us.  Simon’s promo was one of the few good moments of the night.

Alex Shelley’s new gimmick was funny, too.  I don’t know where they’re going with it or even what the hell it is (he videotapes his and other wrestlers matches), but it’s still funny.  TNA introduces a gimmick and doesn’t even explain what the fuck it is or even give Shelley mic time to do it himself.  How fucking stupid.  I finally saw Christian Cage for the first time.  He cuts good promos, but his work rate and his look aren’t all that impressive.  His match sucked, he tried to do his finisher way too many times, and he isn’t in the best of shape, either.  Having said that, the guy is still way over with the crowd.  But do you really think he’s capable of beating Monty Brown?  Really capable?  C’mon.

Jeff Jarrett just proved how much we hate his ass.  We don’t hate his character.  We’re not booing that.  We hate him as world champion.  They need to get that belt off of him and onto someone else and keep it off of him.  I’ve never in all my years of attending live pro wrestling events ever heard a crowd boo someone like that before.  You couldn’t even hear a word he was saying on the mic.  Him and the higher ups still can’t get a clue that we don’t want him as our champion.  They keep stuffing him down our throat.  He always wins.  Even with that wack finisher.  Get him outta here already!  Still, I don’t want Rhino to win the belt.  Not with his current sappy ass character.  If he went back to his ECW gimmick, then I’d fucking love him as the champ.  And then they could turn him heel and everything would be all good.

4lk.  I’m calling that shit out right now.  Gunn is gonna turn heel at the ppv.  Look how they got the guy.  Braided hair, fag t-shirt, and his new catchphrase, “I’m Kip James, bitch!”  Yeah, the crowd really loved that one.  Maybe that explains why it was so silent after he said that.  Quit bitin’ on Chappelle’s shit, man.  “Suck it” got over.  I’ll give him that.  But he’s better than that and I know that shit ain’t his idea.  That’s TNA’s bullshit.  That shit was totally fucking lame.  I not only want Gunn to turn.  I want Killings to turn, too.  I want Konnan to turn.  I want BG James to…I want his ass to get lost is what I want.  Who cares about that wigger, anyway?  Except his old ass daddy who showed up for some reason.  Killings was at his best when he was a heel champion.  Konnan is a great heel in Mexico.  Gunn is world championship material.  And Konnan even said he hates the 3lk gimmick.  So why prolong the agony?

Raven’s house of fun match was anything but that.  Zbyszko said he had a surprise for Raven.  Someone from his past.  Here’s the laundry list of people we thought it was gonna be:  New Jack, Tommy Dreamer (both by a longshot), Sandman, Billy Kidman, Sean Waltman (who was backstage), Perry Saturn, Van Hammer, and Blue Meanie.  Instead we got the fucking Diamonds in the Rough.  Yeah, Simon is from his past but they never feuded.  They just happened to have wrestled in the same organizations more than once.  You all know how I feel about Raven and this match was no different.  It straight sucked prostitute pussy.  Even though he bled and he went through the table right in front of us, it still sucked.  What a fucking disappointing match.  A gimmick match no less.  I still think the sport needs more, but not of this kind.

Sabu and Abyss did their standoff two more times.  The third time was a total waste of airtime.  The second time was exceptional.  They fought outside and Abyss hit Sabu with a chair wrapped in barbed wire and then he choke slammed him onto a pile of security railings.  Fucking shit was awesome.  What I didn’t like was that more people didn’t follow the action like some of my crew did.  Only 5 of us went outside to follow them and then this short little tightwad security guard said the line of the night: “Seriously though.  You need to back up.”  We kept running with that one all night cuz it was so stupid and funny.  Like I haven’t been to matches that make that skit look like an ‘80’s jobber match.  Gimme a break.

Last night was like Icon.  Way too much security.  You know, that fake ass security that TNA has that started in WWE and WCW.  All of them are a bunch of marks and can’t-cut-it wrestlers.  If you watch the next 2 Impacts, you’ll see these motherfuckers in almost every segment.  They just wore down the card and made it seem like they were pointless to even have around.  Talk about overexposure.  Other dumb shit was the squash match with Samoa Joe and Amazing Red.  More like Amazing Dead.  Cassidy Reilly came out to help Raven.  That’s what he wanted to do anyway.  More pointless bullshit.  The fucking guy was actually a good heel at one point.  But TNA got to him.  Kenny King, some nigger (Nick was the only person who recognized him) who I thought was another jobber (he proved me right) jobbed to Abyss (how bout that?).  They’re the new career killers in my book.  Look at Simon, Elix, Cassidy…and Lance Hoyt.

That’s right.  Lance Hoyt.  When he was with Kid Kash, he was one of the better heels there if not the second best behind Kash.  We looked forward to seeing the two of them.  They were practically our reasons for going cuz they were that good.  Now look at him.  Relegated to Xplosion matches.  That’s TNA’s version of WCW Saturday Night.  Then there’s Matt Bentley.  Another career killed by TNA.  He was in a great tag team with Kazarian.  Then he goes and loses to a NASCAR driver.  They did the right thing by putting him back with Tracy.  And now I come to find out that he’s a face.  I saw the crowd doing the “Bentley bounce” and when he started high-fiving the crowd and jumped over the rail to do the bounce with them…that was it, man.  Me, Andy, and Shawn walked outta there.  We couldn’t take it anymore.

We all hit the Ale House and I stuffed myself to capacity again with their quesadillas.  On the ride over there, me and Andy were talking about something and then Shawn just jumps in with a question totally unrelated.  That wasn’t the funny part.  Andy’s reaction is what had me fucking rolling.  He was like, “Dude, what the fuck are you talkin’ about?”  And he just kept harping on it.  I can’t even remember the specifics cuz I was laughing too hard.  We’re the only ones who know what happened in that car and it was insane funny, man.  You just had to be there.  That’s why I need that fucking camcorder!  Fucking Dre didn’t make the show and everybody was askin’ where the fuck he was cuz he said he’d make it.  I told them all that he’s a nigger and we’re always late.  He’ll show up.  He never did.  But he was at the Ale House, though.  He said he had to work late.  There’s the keyword right there: late.

We didn’t realize until after we started eating that we didn’t have napkins and silverware.  The waitress totally lost her tip for that.  We told Dre about the car incident and we were all fucking dying, man.  Then I asked him if he watched the Boondocks.  He said yeah.  I told him to tell those cracker ass motherfuckers we were sitting with how fucking funny that shit is and he could barely do it cuz the show is so fucking funny that you can’t talk about it without laughing.  You see, Aaron?  I’m getting white folk to watch your nigger ass show, NIGGER.  It was Michelle, Andy, and Shawn on one side of the table and me and Dre on the other.  Talk about segregation.  The whole crew was in effect though.  Even Yapo’s late ass came through in the end and he ain’t even black.  It was a good time.  I was so fucking full, on the way home I had to get some rest in the back seat.

Top to bottom, huh?  Here I was expecting a repeat of the last shows and all I got was a repeat of the shows prior to those.  TNA sucks.  It really does.  I avoided that shit like a 12-year-old trailer park girl yearning for some nigger cock and they just validated my reasons for doing so.  They don’t understand the concept of quality over quantity.  I’ll still attend the ppv to see that barbed wire match.  I hope they don’t fuck that up, but I’m sure they will.  Then Friday we’re going to pww up in Sanford; mainly to see Teddy Hart.  Ain’t seen him since he was jobbing in MLW.  He’s going up against Roderick Strong one-on-one.  I’m hoping this will be as good as AJ vs. Roderick from a few months back.  I’ll keep you all in the know.  In the meantime, enjoy the new look (and address) of the site.  I’m getting more affiliates for you to have a good selection of goods, so take advantage of the freebies and discounts while they’re here.  Only one month left to shop, remember?

Anybody notice the poll I put up on the left?  Rad, ain't it?  Well, it ain't that rad but it's just a taste of things to come.  In the coming months, I'm gonna make the site more interactive and visual than what it is now.  Stay tuned and enjoy!

I'm at work right now.  There's no school on Thanksgiving.  For the first time in history, a holiday is named appropriately (for me and for now anyway).  To the slaves, brownskins, whores, and witches that created it...THANKS for GIVING me that day off to get done what I need to get done and for getting me away from the boredom that is college life.  Yeah, I said it.  College is FUCKING BORING!  I especially hate having to go to class.  That's why I try my best to take online classes (I have 2 of them next semester).  I can learn what I need to learn a lot quicker and more conveniently than wasting time and gas (if I had a car) in the  ass-naked comfort of my own home.  Only the momma's boys and daddy's girls are the ones who have the time to drink, party, and fuck like you see on tv and in the movies.  Us po' folk who gotta pay our own damn bills ain't got it like that.

I was on Shareaza and downloaded Madonna's Hung Up.  It's a decent song.  Not her best, but not bad.  There was like god knows how many different remixes to it and I downloaded them all and none were worth a shit.  They sounded just like the original except they had a little bit more instrumentation.  But nothing different.  I saw a Bill Hamel remix and I just had to have that one cuz I knew he would actually change the beat and remix the fucking song like he did Seal's Get it Together.  I wasn't dissapointed.  The beat is totally different and more upbeat, bass heavy, and danceable to.  I'd still like to hear a trance remix of some sort though.  Cuz I am the trance fanatic after all (and I can't dance worth a shit)!

Went to see Get Rich or Die Tryin' the other day with Sophia.  Won't be goin' nowhere with her nomore cuz she don't know how to act.  We were in the theater and she kept playing around with me, distracting me from the movie.  And she was infatuated with the couple that was several rows behind us.  That's cuz they were either fucking or the girl was gettin' her pussy ate out.  You could hear her moans even though it's obvious she was trying to not yell too loud.  Props to whoever the guy is that spiked her twat.  We even saw them walking out when the movie was over.  She was kinda hot (as in fuckable) and adjusting her clothes.  Bitch, we all know what happened.  I wouldn't mind doin' that someday.  But if I paid big bucks for a flick, I wanna get my money's worth at least.  I ain't exactly gonna pay 7 bucks to go to some theater just to eat a bitch out or get laid.  I wouldn't even go to the dollar movie to do it.  Pretty much the only way I'd do it is if I went to see a movie that totally sucked hot, sweaty balls (like House of 1000 Corpses).  If I was with a bitch (with a clean, shaved pussy), I'd go ahead and have my fun to make it money well spent rather than money well wasted.

This movie, as everyone knows, is 50 Cents' 8 Mile.  It wasn't bad, but it surely wasn't great by any means.  If you're a 50 fan, I'd recommend it.  If you're a movie buff and you think you're gonna get a gangsta ass movie, don't waste your bread.  It's violent, but not what you'd expect from a movie full of niggers with guns.

We've all seen the trailers for and heard about Superman Returns and King Kong.  Everyone is creaming over this shit cuz Peter Jackson did King Kong, so it's guaranteed to be good....maybe.  It's got Jack Black so I'm a bit skeptical.  Not that he ain't good, but this guy is a nut and is more suited for comedy.  The casting directors better hope he gets raves for his performance cuz if he don't, they're fucked.  And Supes has been gone from theaters for god knows how long.  With a title like Superman Returns, I have some seriously high expectations.  And let me explain why.

You can peep the movie website here for a synopsis.  It talks about  a few things that I'm gonna be paying close attention to to see if it's done right.  First thing is his relationship with Lois Lane.  How is it really gonna be affected since he's been gone so long?  Since humans have learned to live without him, will they (they...like I'm not human) accept him back?  What threats did they face when he was gone?  What threats do they face now?  Did Superman come back because he determined on his own that they needed him or was he homesick?  Do they even want him back?  Do they feel like he abandoned them?  Why did he leave in the first place?  Where did he go?  Who did he encounter?  What did he learn or gain?  What were humans and Lois' reactions when they realized he'd be gone for good or at least for a long time?  Did he tell anyone or did he just up and leave?  What were the reactions of the heroes and villians of the world once they realized he was gone?  Does he still have his job?  Is he still using the Clark Kent persona?  Did Clark Kent fake his death so that he could leave?  Bryan Singer is a more than capable director for this film and can make the right movie.  But did he?  Superman is most definitely your stereotypical comic book character but that doesn't mean that this movie has to be that way.  It can have the action, romance, drama, and everything else a "regular" movie has.  I just hope my expectations aren't so high to the point that no matter what the movie does right that it won't satisfy me.

As far as King Kong is concerned, to be totally honest, I could care less about a remake.  The story that I want to see is how he came into creation.  Were his parents overgrown just like him?  Is he the only one of his kind or are there more like him?  Did he have brothers and sisters?  Where'd they originate from?  Were they experimented upon and that's how they came into being?  What happened to the notes from the original experiments if that's what happened?  In this scenario, if they are salvageable, I'd like to see a continuation rather than an update of the original where a modern day scientist(s) gets their hands on those notes or that formula that causes proportionate gigantism in animals and maybe even humans.  This is the story I want to see.  Let's say this version of King Kong is a hit (and it most likely will be).  Then my idea is fully feasible.  "Why don't you write a script then, Melvin, you idiot?  Why'd you just give away your idea?"  For one, I'm far from qualified to write such a script.  I'm not a King Kong fan of that magnitude and don't have time to do the research.  Let Peter Jackson do it, dammit!  Besides, I got my own book to write.  That's my first priority.  One thing at a time, people.

Wanna hear more bullshit about these silly ass customers here?  A lady called in the other day and wanted to confirm her hotel reservation.  Our confirmation numbers are 6 digits.  I asked her for her confirmation number and she gave me her phone number, with area code, instead.  More than once, someone has called here and has been to the website of the place I work for and said that there's no room information on the site.  I asked them if they clicked the link that said "room information" and you already know what the answer is to that one.  Another lady called today and wanted to know what the rates were for a certain hotel.  She said she was on the reservation webpage but couldn't find the rates.  I asked her if she saw the section called "rates and availability" with the days that had prices underneath them.  Her voice got quiet after that and she politely hung up.  Cuz she realized at that point that she had Stevie Wonder syndrome.

Okay.  It's confession time.  I'm gonna reveal to the whole fucking world a deep, dark secret that I have.  I ain't ashamed of it at all but now that I know I ain't alone in this, I feel I can come clean.  I was surfing the net and found this article.  It's about how German men are being "taught" to sit down when they take a piss and the trend is spreading throughout parts of Europe.  The device was created so that women wouldn't have to clean up the piss from the toilet every time men got through draining the lizard.  And so they wouldn't fall in in the middle of the night if they had to piss or shit.  The only reason for lifting the seat now would be to take a shit or if you're a wide-bottom and need more ass room to spread your cheeks so that the shit can fall in without too much mess.

Having said that, I admit to the world that I sit down when I take a piss.  But that's only when I'm at home...and I know that the seat is clean in my own home.  I know I'm gonna get a torrent of shit from from my friends from this confession, but that's fine.  I expect that from those motherfuckers.  I don't see anything wrong with it, either.  Listen to my ass, trying to justify the shit.  Why stand up and piss and have all that splashback and splatter when I can sit down, relax, and let the drink pass through my straw without worrying about a double stream and poor aim?  If more apartments and homes in the U.S. built bathrooms with a stand-up pisser, then I'd stand the fuck up.  Since they don't, I sit my ass down in the darkness and in comfort with the knowledge that my dick nectar is only touching the water in the toilet rather than the elephant tusks on the outside.  And when I shake it...no mess!