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What I did was put an ad on craigslist with my pic and scanned front and back images of the free King Kong ticket. I pretty much asked for a companion to see the movie with me and waddaya know? Somebody replied. A black chic named Kim. She left me an email saying she could go with me but she didn’t have a pic even though I said in my posting that it was a requirement to send a pic. She said she had curves in all the right places. More on that later. She left me her phone number with the reply email. I called her and left a message. Nice voice on her voice mail but I learned a long time ago never to use a voice to judge looks. She didn’t call back. So I thought that was it. Maybe she didn’t like the sound of my voice or something. So I called Vanessa and asked her if she wanted to go. She said yeah. She was on her way over and then guess who called? Yep. It was Kim.
I asked her why she called so damn late (30 minutes before the movie) and she said she just got off work and couldn’t check her messages till then. I asked if she was still down and she was so I called Vanessa to tell her what happened but she was already in the fucking parking lot. She was cool with it and we hung out here for a bit shootin’ the shit. Things actually worked out cuz she told me she told her cousin she was gonna see King Kong with me and her cousin fucking basted her ass on the phone; gettin’ mad at her cuz they were supposed to see the movie together rather than Vanessa seeing it before her and without her. So it was cool. I told Kim I’d meet her at 6:30p in front of the theater (Premier Cinemas) cuz Orlando Weekly recommended gettin’ there a little earlier than the 7:30p start time to guarantee a seat. Vanessa dropped me off (on time) and I waited about 10 minutes for this girl to show up. For a little while, I thought she ditched me.
Then I see this thick, big-tittied black chick walk up. Kim told me she had curly hair and meat, so I knew it was her. Late just like a nigger and she was yappin’ on her fucking cell phone, so I already knew shit was gonna be fucked up. We introduced ourselves to each other and walked into the mall (Fashion Square)…and she was still on her fucking cell phone. I hate cell phone chics. And she wasn’t authentic. She didn’t cuss or use slang and she talked proper and quiet. To negate Christian Cage, “That’s not how I roll.” We still talked a lot and when we got up to that line, man, that shit was long. As usual, people I don’t know and have never seen or met before in my life feel the need to talk to me, so I talked to some people in line about other movies and bullshit. Even a little kid wanted to talk to me. I don’t know what it is about me, but I attract attention. And I ain’t even famous yet!
I was starvin’ my ass off and had to piss. I didn’t wanna get out of line cuz I felt if I did, that’s when the line would start moving cuz we waited in it for about 30 minutes. We talked about other movies and shit like Narnia. She said she read the books as a kid and thought the lion died at the end of it. Boy, I got on her case for ruining the ending of the movie for me. Turns out she was almost right about that, but not quite. Good! I peeped Taco Bell and went over cuz I needed some grub. Went up and ordered a steak burrito and some of them 99 cent sour cream and cheese potatoes. Man, that shit is the fucking bomb for 99 cent! It won’t fill you up, but them shits are fucking tasty as hell, man. The cashier was fucking cute as hell, too. I think she was either a full-blooded spic that favored the cracker side or a half breed spic nigger mix. Fucking cute as fucking hell and a voice to match. Only prob was her clothes were so baggy you couldn’t tell what the shape was like. Shoulda at least tried to get them digits even though I was with somebody, but I ain’t a dog like that.
My worst fear came true. When I got my food and went back in line, it was moving and Kim was right at the fucking entrance. I had to fucking run since I had the ticket. I thought I’d have time to eat in line since I didn’t think they’d let me bring outside food in, but I hid the shit in my sweater so it was cool. We got up in the theater and it was fucking packed. XL106.7 hosted the shit and was giving away posters and Kim wanted one real bad but came up empty each and every time. I guess it’s cuz she’s black. We had to sit at the fucking bottom to watch the movie. The only other time in my life I had to sit on the fucking floor was to see Jurassic Park 2 of all movies. It wasn’t bad though. Can’t complain about a free movie and nice lookin’ girl next to me.
So the movie starts. I don’t remember the original King Kong all that well, but I remember the gist of it. I won’t give a rundown of the whole damn movie. Just what I liked and didn’t like. Peter Jackson’s goal was to remake King Kong and that’s exactly what he did. He followed that plot to a tee and that’s exactly what you’re gonna get if you go see it. Naturally, he had to spice things up with the special effects, but the basic plot is always there. I was skeptical about Jack Black, but he was well cast. The story starts during the great depression and when New York was becoming the city that it would become. Jackson actually did a good job of showing how bad things were back then by the actions of some of the extras and even Naomi Watts’ character.
He also stayed true to the cinematic styles of that era too; particularly the acting. It wasn’t on par with what someone would expect from today’s standards. It was a replica of that old era with the glam, the damsel in distress bullshit, and cheesy dialogue. I couldn’t knock it cuz I knew what he was doing. It took a good while before King Kong would actually get screen time cuz they had to develop the story where Black’s character pitched an idea to movie studio financiers the idea of a map of an undiscovered island and he had to go to it somehow to shoot a movie that he assured them would make lots of money. He needed their money and they wouldn’t give it to him cuz he already owed them. I didn’t know if he was pitching and being blatantly corny or if that’s how Jackson wanted his character to present himself. The latter held to be true. So to make it short, Black skips town and cons his way to the island with all his equipment and people; ditching the police.
Watts was one of the people he convinced to join him cuz earlier the play that she was acting in shut down and she hadn’t been paid for a good little bit and she needed a job. Turns out she fit the look that Black was looking for as the lead chic in his flick. They get on a ship and head out and the fun begins. Of course, there’s stories about the island and how no one wants to go there and that it doesn’t exist and shit like that, but they find it and go on land. They clash with the primitives and there’s some death scenes, but nothing fantastic. Watts is kidnapped by the primitives, given to Kong (who doesn’t kill her) and the crew has to find her. They do, and they find Kong too. They capture him and shit and you know how the fucking story goes. Same fucking shit. Except…
Since it’s 2005 and audiences will demand more than just the original story, Jackson gives us that by means of cgi. Lots of detail, lots of realistic looking creatures, realistic movements (almost)…everything was on point except for one scene where one of the primitives went onto their ship to kidnap Watts. He was pole vaulting over rocks to get to the ship and it didn’t look realistic at all so the movie loses a point for that. I liked how the movie was left open for a sequel cuz I questioned how Kong came into being and if there were more like him. There were other gorilla skulls lying around throughout the movie, so that answered that. How they died? I’d love to know how in a sequel. Also, there were sculpted rocks and shit all over the island so that can only mean that a significant number of humans fully inhabited that island at one time. Something happened that made them primitive and made them want to give sacrifices to Kong. But he didn’t kill Watts. Yet they showed a “mass grave” where other females died. That should’ve been explained. Did Kong kill them or something else? And what was the purpose of the female sacrifices? So many questions.
There was a big fight scene between Kong and 2 tyrannosaurs. I thought the tyrannos would win. I was wrong. Just think of Jurassic Park when you go see this movie cuz there’s a lot of dinosaurs and other giant creatures and insects in this movie. It was unrealistic though. Not the special effects. Just their interaction with the crew that came to the island to rescue Watts from Kong. It was never established beforehand that Black himself or his film crew knew how to handle guns, but they did. It was expected from the ship crew (who were revealed to be involved in live animal capture), but not from a bunch of filmmakers. And it wasn’t established that the film crew had what it took to kill. They only killed giant insects and leeches and shit, but it was still killing. Again…not established. Another point off.
Remember how I said Jackson stayed true to the old cinema? For a while I didn’t know if I was watching a fucking soap opera or a movie cuz there were a lot of scenes where motherfuckers were just staring at each other with that long ass silent “All My Children” look. I hated that. There was way too much of that. Another point off. And the movie was 3 hours long. That staring took up a lot of that time. Kong sliding on a frozen lake of ice with Watts in hand took a long time too. And how’d that lake support Kong’s weight? It musta been cold as fuck for that lake to have been frozen solid enough for that. Yet when Watts and Kong reunited in the city, all she was wearing was a damn dress…with no sleeves! Her teeth weren’t clanking. She wasn’t shivering. She fucking looked like she was in fucking Hawaii. Not realistic at all. They could’ve developed more of the back story of Kong and the island to fill up 3 hours rather than long stares and an overlong scene (one of many). Almost another point off. Makes you wonder how long the director’s cut is gonna be if this wasn’t it.
Don’t get me wrong. This is a good movie. That scene in the trailers where Watts was being filmed by Black on the shore of an island? Not even in the fucking movie. I guess that’s a deleted scene for the dvd. Again, the movie is really good with great special effects. They only fucked up once with the pole vaulting primitive. Great visuals and, as we all know, a great plot. Now in the original, Vanessa pointed out to me that Kong was squashing motherfuckers when he ran amok in New York. This time he was tossing cars, trains, and girls like nothing, but there was no blood, no broken bones…there was nothing graphic. On the island when they were trying to rescue Watts, there was death but it wasn’t graphic. No blood. No mutilations or anything like that. A big as 25-foot fucking gorilla throwing people and property around like toilet fucking paper in one of the most populace cities in the world and not one corpse? On the island they showed dead bodies, but in the city where Kong was going crazy? No blood? No death? C’mon! They almost lost another point with that shit.
I’d recommend this movie very much cuz the special effects were great and the story was ever so true to the original. It’s just an updated remake of the classic but the same basic story. I went into the movie wanting backstory and I got some. This movie will undoubtedly make money. So much that I hope there will be a sequel. But this time a want a continuation, not a remake. It’s been established that humans populated the island and shared it with the beasts. There were other giant gorillas but Kong was the last. The island could still exist for all we know but when people go to it, they don’t come back from it. Kinda like this movie stated. How is that possible in modern times with GPS and that kind of technology? They could explain that in a new movie. Maybe there’s permanent cloud cover preventing satellites from seeing the actual island. Maybe somewhere in the world someone went to that island before Black and his crew did (and in the movie that happened which explains the map) and captured some of the creatures there for experimentation. Maybe the creatures there were the product of experimentation. When Kong fell off the building and died, somebody could’ve grabbed one of his hairs and used his dna to clone him or to create other giant beasts like lions, birds, or whatever. The possibilities are endless.
Because that’s the movie that I really want to see is a partial reason why I scored this so low. A remake is one thing. An update is another. He accomplished his goal of remake but there were some things that could’ve been done better, thus the 7 out of 10. Had this movie been rated R, I might’ve given it 8 out of 10. Maybe even 9 cuz the lack of real violence and blood really pissed me off. I know they want to attract families and kids, but it’s these same families and kids that watch (and make) porn religiously and play video games where you can play a crooked cop killing niggers and spics. Movie studios need to look at shit realistically. If you’re gonna make a movie, make it right. They’re concerned about making that money but they don’t realize they can make more money if they gave people what they really wanted instead of what they think we want. I’ll end this by saying go see the movie. It’s worth it and it’s one of those movies you have to watch on the big screen to get the full experience and scale of it, but keep in mind that some parts just aren’t realistic enough if you’re critical like me.
After the movie, me and Kim talked outside for a bit. I asked for a ride home (since I did just get her a free movie) but she was on that “I don’t know you, I just met you online” tip. I respected that. I got the vibe early that I wasn’t gonna score so after talking after the movie (for about an hour or so), I said I might hit her up and gave her a hug. Very next thing she did was start blabbing on her fucking cell phone. Girls like that need to learn to appreciate a human next to them rather than a voice far away from them.
