Let’s start with Ultraviolet. When I found out that Kurt Wimmer did this flick, I got excited. I like a lot of his movies. The guy has talent. But this movie was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I downloaded the bdrip. Was looking for the unrated extended version but it’s not available online. I don’t think it woulda helped any. Steer very clear of this movie cuz it sucks that bad. The acting, dialogue, plot, special effects, it’s all just so horrible. I really tried to give it a chance but I had to turn it off after about 15 or 20 minutes. Couldn’t take anymore.

When it starts, the style is like live-action anime but they’re trying too hard. It’s unrealistic. The theme is never fully explained as the movie progresses. Dialogue is drab, lifeless, and comic booky. The special effects are high end in too few places and low end in way too damn many as this movie tries to blend cgi and live-action. Not like hybrid flicks like Alvin and the Chipmunks but really tries to transplant real people and backgrounds with cgi thinking the viewer won’t know the difference but it’s so obvious. You don’t know if it’s a digital world or the real world cuz it’s never explained. Things just happen with no explanation as to how or what they are. It’s just a bad, bad, bad movie. And the music sucks too. It’s like some shit you’d hear in a low end Saturday morning action cartoon.

About the only cool thing about the flick is the tech. I did like the anti-gravity belt but when it was used, they kept going the anime route by showing it charge up each damn time it was used. The first time I can understand. Anything after that is wasted screentime. Fight scenes were incredibly over-choreographed. Movement and flow wasn’t natural. It was more along the lines of PG-13 comic violence but on the lower end of the scale. I ain’t got much good to say about this movie. I give it 2 out of 10 stars. Watch it for the tech ideas cuz there is other cool shit but don’t expect to enjoy the ride.

I knew ahead of time I wasn’t gonna pay to see 2012. Sneak it after paying for something else, maybe. But a good telesync was available online so I dl’ed it and watched it that way. First off, this is a Roland Emmerich movie. I know not to expect much beyond the special effects which are about as top notch as you can get. Acting is acceptable. Good theme. Plot is pretty weak though. It’s like, so textbook and predictable. I mean, are you really gonna sit still and argue about the right and wrong of humanity and risk lives in the process when you can move your ass and save some instead? Your ex-wife’s new bf really had to die cuz you couldn’t save him and now you’re a happy family again now that he’s out of the picture? People paid for their lives to be saved and they all damn near get left behind? Your driving skills are so awesome that you can dodge collapsing roadways and pyroclasts? Your flying skills are so awesome that you can dodge collapsing buildings and one of the largest sandstorms in the history of the world? C’mon now. Way too fake for me. Enjoy the special effects and the accompanying ride but you’ve been warned about some of the predictability and unrealistic shit. I give it 6 out of 10 stars. The special effects are responsible for most of that.

About the only thing I took from this movie is an idea for another type of end of the world movie. One where people flee the planet but some stay behind. Those that stayed behind and survived start over with new laws, leadership, culture, beliefs, etc. Those that fled and return have to conform to these new ways or accept them and their new position in the world since the old way is unacceptable now and the old guard has no power. Out with the old, in with the new. Guaranteed conflict. If my plate wasn’t full and overflowing, I’d write the damn thing.

Pontypool is what I’d say is a totally original movie. Starts out slow and takes a good 30 minutes to get to the good stuff. Once there, you’re intrigued as to what the hell is going on. You don’t know what to expect. It’s not a fast movie at all and not high on action, drama or even conflict. It’s simple yet complicated. The cast is minimal. You do get a full explanation of events and the climax is acceptable for what the movie itself is. It’s not boring but since it’s mostly dialogue, you could get bored quick and easily if you need explosions and fights and all that bullshit to enjoy a movie. This don’t have all that shit.

It’s not a zombie movie as the people aren’t dead and they can be cured of their condition which I’d describe as a combination of an infection and being mesmerized by language. You’ll know what I’m talking about if you give it a whirl. Can’t say I was tempted to turn it off at any point. I dl’ed the dvdrip cuz it sounded interesting and it was. But that’s about the extent of what you’ll get out of it is that it’s interesting. I’ve never seen anything like it. Not that it blows you away or anything but it’s a different concept. I watched it all the way through. You really gotta have patience for this type of movie. Exposition takes a while but it’s delivered. You’re either gonna like it, not love it, or completely and totally hate it. I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

I went on a date with someone to see Precious last week. She said she liked biographical types of flicks, I did my research on the movie and knew I wanted to pay to see it before we ever made plans. We were both available so we made a date of it. The auditorium we were in was fairly full as the movie is slowly being introduced to different cities. It was the first weekend it was in Orlando. It’s a tearjerker, that’s for sure. One scene in particular almost had me in tears. I was watering up, I can admit that. I’m a real damn man totally in touch with my emotions. Other parts may be hard to take in for some people as the sensitive types (females) could cringe in certain scenes involving the title character and her mom. My date even had to turn her head cuz she couldn’t take it. I’m talking about a different scene. You’ll know it when you see it.

I’ve read the idiotic, racist comments from people who think some of the shit that happens in the movie is unbelievable. They don’t understand black culture or inner city life so they think a lot of it is fake and just made-up movie bullshit. Like people don’t really experience that shit in their lives. Better think a-fucking-gain. Then there’s the assholes who don’t think a fat black chick can be a good lead in such a movie and it still be successful. I’m here to tell you that, although there are fantasy scenes in the movie which are totally justifiable, I believed everything I saw. Now, you’ve heard all this and that about Mo’Nique’s performance in this movie. I can say with absolute conviction that that bitch gave one of the most powerful performances of anyone I’ve ever seen in any movie! She fucking killed it!

From the instant she’s onscreen, you hate the hell out of her. If you’ve ever heard or seen her standup, you know that crazy bitch has a mouth that can rival almost any man. She brings that raw delivery to this movie. It’s almost like the director just let her have free reign to say whatever the fuck she wanted to. The shit that comes out of her mouth is totally relevant though. It’s not out of context in the movie at all. It directly relates. She’s spiteful, evil, hurtful, violent, condescending, insulting, insensitive, sick, twisted…all the things you love to hate in any movie antagonist. Most people were offended by her words and actions and it was obvious by the mumbles and silence whenever she spoke. I thought the shit was fucking hilarious, man! I even laughed out loud with a couple other people while everyone else was dead silent. Couldn’t help that shit. She fucking killed that role, man, I am NOT fucking kidding you! Excellent performance. Definitely Oscar worthy, if that means a goddamn thing, cuz she made me feel her evil and hatred towards her daughter. Oh, there’s shit that I’m not mentioning cuz there’s shit that I don’t wanna spoil. At the very least, see this movie for her performance. I had no idea she was capable of this type of acting. She needs some tits to match that big ass, too. I give this movie 7 out of 10 stars.

I saved the best for last. I wanted to pay to see Orphan but when I finally found time to see it, it was already pulled from theaters or was playing in theaters that were too damn far away from me. Found out the bdrip was online, so I went for it. I just had a feeling this would be a good movie and it was. And it woulda been worth paying for too. I liked every single thing about it except for the climax. It was way too 80’s horror movie, gotta have a one-liner to end things type deal. I didn’t like it. It didn’t fit the suspense of the rest of the movie. The title character was totally out of character in that final scene. I was disappointed with it. But there is an alternative ending and I’m currently dl’ing that one to see if it’s something more satisfying. Problem is the seeder isn’t reliable. Just one person and they’re not up very often. So I gotta wait it out since there is no reasonably priced download to own option and disc prices are higher than I’m willing to pay for rent or sale. Or I could ask around to see if anyone has Netflix or Blockbuster. Yeah, think I’ll do that and see what happens.

The movie poster, tagline, dialogue, acting, plot, exposition, cinematography, camera angles…all of it is good. This movie is a really good effort by the practically newbie writers and director. Their future can only shine brighter. People compare this to Mikey, The Good Son, and other killer kid movies. Fuck that. This shit stands alone in visual and script quality. Isabelle Fuhrman totally owns her role and makes it her own. I don’t know how she can possibly top this movie cuz as far as I’m concerned, she’ll forever be known as the Orphan chick. But she’s young and I expect good things if she chooses the right roles. Even the makeup in this movie is good. Changing from innocent girl to seductress to psychopath ain’t easy to pull off, plot or otherwise. But this movie pulls it off. The acting and attention to detail with the makeup and scenery helps a lot. Well done.

If you can, see this movie. It’s a gem. Yes, I’d watch it again but I gotta see that alternative ending. I want to be completely satisfied with this. Does it have sequel potential? Possibly. The way the original ending is, it’s impossible. If the alternative is anything like what I think it’s gonna be like, well, there could very well be an open door for Orphan 2 mainly due to what the deaf girl in the movie sees and experiences. I give it 8 out of 10 stars. It’s not perfect but for what it is, it’s one hell of an impressive effort. Minus the original ending. Did I mention that the original ending totally sucks? Oh, I didn’t? Now you know that it does. But enjoy the rest of it. If you got a dvd by mail rental service, catch it on Blu-ray if you got a player that supports that format. Be a good samaritan and rip it too, if you can, and share it with the rest of us.

Shoulda wrote about Zombieland during my last movie review but totally forgot. Saw it several weeks back in Hollywood, FL at Regal Oakwood 18. Couldn’t do a double-header cuz I went to see it late. It was the last showing and I didn’t mind cuz I had a good inclination that it’d be worth the money and it was. Don’t remember the ticket price or if they gave a student discount. The auditorium was about ¼ full. Everyone stayed nice and quiet during the flick except during the funny parts which were numerous. That translates into being able to enjoy the movie properly. Nobody talkin’ or trippin’, air temperature was comfy, easy to find a good seat which were plentiful and comfortable.

I was supposed to see this at another theater but things didn’t go my way and I wasn’t about to skip town without seeing it. I had time on my hands and hit it up the night before I was bouncing out. Not many movies I’m willing to pay for these days but this was one of them. I know that r5 is a popular download these days. I know the creators are complaining about it too. I also know they need to get the fuck over it. They think they’re losing money and people downloading the flick are making it harder to go for a sequel. Um, bullshit! One, the downloaders weren’t gonna pay for it anyway. So they didn’t lose a single dime. Two, the download numbers are a good gauge of popularity. Clearly the flick is very popular and can easily go for the sequel. I think it made all of its money back already. Three, it should be a sign to the studios of how consumers want their content delivered.

Whether you paid or downloaded, don’t matter. It’s an entertaining movie. I ain’t think very much of Jesse Eisenberg. Reminds me way too much of Michael Cera. Really dry, expressionless humor and delivery. I’d never seen either one of their movies. This’d be my first Eisenberg flick. Because I’m a zombie movie fan is the main reason I wanted to see this, not for any of the stars. So unless Jesse E. picks up another good role I’m interested in seeing, this’ll be the only movie of his I’ll be seeing. Not saying he did a bad job. He played his character perfectly. Harrelson wasn’t bad either. Neither was Emma Stone (scorching eyes) or Abigail Breslin. Good casting all the way around. And yes, they do explain the reason people were zombified. Another plus.

The filmmakers are green but this is a good step up for them in quality. I don’t have any complaints about this movie. It’s engaging in the fact that some things you can see coming if you pay attention to the “rules” presented in the beginning. Cussing, blood, violence, mild gore, high zombie body count, and lots of comedy. Great characterizations too. A continuous thing about end-of-the-world movies like this is that humans just can’t seem to get along for shit. Even if they’re an endangered species, humans will fucking off each other over the pettiest of shit or greed. Never fails. We all suck. I give it a solid 7 out of 10 stars. Stick around after the credits or you’ll miss something.

Saw Casino Royale at a friend’s house on dvd. We were chillin’, asked me what movie I’d like to see out of the selection he had, told him the type of movies I like, Casino Royale came up, he convinced me I’d like it, so that’s what we watched. Can’t say I’m a Bond movie fan. He always wins, always gets the girl, never gets hurt, just not realistic to me. My friend said I wouldn’t be disappointed with this movie and he was right. It’s a damn good action movie. A breath of fresh air actually cuz they don’t really make many action flicks anymore. Yes, he got the girl but it made sense. Yes, he won in the end but damn near died in the process. Yes, he lived despite all the conflict and fighting but he took one hell of a beating throughout the whole movie and it was believable to a greater extent than previous Bond movies. And they didn’t even have to go Rated R with it. Amazing!

It’s a visual action feast with a good plot. You’ll be fully engaged in this from start to finish cuz the action scenes are long. Highly entertaining and worth watching on a proper tv with proper sound if you can make that happen. The plot flows over right into Quantum of Solace; the Bond movie compared to The Bourne Ultimatum. I don’t know where the fuck these comparisons came from but it’s all complete and total bullshit. The shaky camera during certain action and fight scenes is evident but that’s where the similarities end. While Bourne is one of the better action flicks to ever come down the pike, Solace totally sucks ass. Don’t know how that ball got dropped, especially since the story continues directly from the end of Casino. Not worth the time or money. I downloaded a bdrip. Glad I ain’t pay for it! Reminds me more of the Bond style of movies that I hate. And even reminds me of that totally unrealistic schlockfest called Transporter 2. Stay away from Solace but opt in for Casino Royale. Solace gets like a fucking 4, Casino gets a solid 9.

Don’t get me wrong. Daniel Craig is an excellent Bond. He’s grimy as fuck, kills people, steals cars, picks pockets, blows shit up, trespasses, disrespects corpses, breaks and enters, burgles, and the list goes on and on. He’s more like a villain than a damn hero. But that’s what makes his version of the character more believable than the others who are way too high and mighty British. Craig is more of a street motherfucker and that’s what I like in my spies. I’m just hoping the next Bond flick don’t follow Solace’s suit. Meaning I hope the right director hops on board.

Saw Law Abiding Citizen on a day off at the new Plaza Cinema Café movie theater in downtown Orlando with a friend and his gf. What’s fucked up is that we called the day before to find out if parking was free and they said it was. Pop up the next day and signs everywhere saying effective on that day that parking was now 2 bucks. Talk about fucked up timing. If we knew that, we wouldn’t have went cuz there’s plenty of theaters with free parking. But since we never been to it before, we swallowed the fee. Tix were cheap though. Only $4.75 for matinees before 6p but who knows if that shit’s changed too. If you can find a free parking spot in downtown Orlando (available only on nights and weekends) then more power to ya. Then I’d say it’s worth it.

It could still be worth it since the price plus parking is still less than other joints. So it’s a toss up. You’d also have to consider finding a parking spot cuz you’ll waste a lot of time finding one in the attached garage. And if your vehicle is too big (like a full-sized van, suv, truck, Crown Vic, old Caddy, or Hummer) then don’t even bother cuz there’s no way you’d be able to make the tight as fuck corners. I got a Ford Taurus and barely made them shits. The actual parking spots are narrow. You can only park on the third floor to get the theater parking price. They validate parking for up to 3 hours which means I only got to see one movie. You can prepay after the movie at a nearby machine with a credit card rather than at the ticket gate when you’re driving out of the garage. And the parking stub has a coupon deal for nearby establishments printed on it so you might wanna keep it if you plan on crawling around the area after the flick. Just a few things for you to keep in mind if you ain’t never been to that theater before.

Not a bad theater though. They try to go the upscale route. Lots of fancy, expensive food. I got 2 slices of pizza for like 6 bucks but it was quickly prepared and kinda cheap. Cheap as in really ain’t cost much and low end ingredients. So I got my money’s worth, I guess. They’ve got fancy tables and chairs for you to eat at right outside of the auditoriums. The inside of our auditorium was nice. Not a lot of seats. All leather (or pleather as my friend thinks). They’re wide so even big fat asses can fit in them. They recline slightly. Armrests are huge so you can fit your plate, pizza box, food, or whatever. But they don’t fold up so the best you can do for hanky panky is hold hands. Good views from any seat. Large screen with good sound. Comfy indoor air temp. It’s nice. I wonder if all the auditoriums were so intimate or if they had bigger ones. Didn’t get a chance to walk around and find out due to wasted time finding a parking spot. Plus I was delayed by a train on the way to the theater.

Despite varying degrees of bullshit prior to the start of the movie, it was a good one. Worth paying for at a good dollar theater. Solid acting, solid plot, graphic in some places, keeps you guessing in others, a good dose of suspense, and an acceptable climax. It could very well have an alternate ending cuz it could go either way in my opinion. Not gonna spoil anything. It also seems like there’s some cut exposition scenes cuz in some places, they just use dialogue instead of flashback which I think woulda been more appropriate.

Foxx and Butler do a good job here. I don’t have a whole lot of complaints other than lack of flashback for Butler’s character and the ending which I thought was going one way but went another. Like I said, it’s acceptable. Maybe on the dvd/bd we’ll get those extra scenes and alternate ending. One scene stands out above all others. Death by cell phone! You never see it coming, you don’t know when it’s gonna happen. It comes totally out of left field. The auditorium had no more than 20 people in it but when that scene happened, everyone jumped and gasped and there was lingering laughter and jovial cussing afterwards. Some of that can be attributed to reacting to other people’s reaction. It was one of those movie moments you don’t forget. And not just the movie itself but being there in the auditorium when it happens cuz of the reactions. For that alone, LAC goes down in my history books. It was unforgettable. I give the movie 7 out of 10 stars.

However you plan on seeing Zombieland, you’ll be entertained. It is worth paying for in a decent movie theater or dollar movie. Casino and Solace are on dvd/bd. You already know I highly recommend Casino. However you pay for it, it’s worth paying for but not at a ridiculous price. Try to go the bd route for the highest quality. A good size tv and sound system helps for a full experience. But if you gotta dl it or go the dvd route, do what you gotta do to see it. You won’t be disappointed. Don’t even waste your time, energy, effort, money, or anything else on Quantum. You WILL be disappointed. If you can, catch Law Abiding Citizen at a dollar movie with a date or with other people in it just to see how they react to the cell phone scene. The movie itself is good too.