Let’s start with Extraordinary Measures. I saw a prescreen last week at AMC Altamonte. Had 2 tix but no one else was available to go with me so I flew solo. Thankfully, it was relatively warm outside compared to the freezing cold over the last few weeks. I didn’t eat beforehand but wanted to at least get some popcorn before going into the auditorium. That plan was killed cuz the line was long as fuck. It was getting cramped inside so they opened the doors and the line flowed out damn near into the street according to a comment I heard someone say. Since I was by myself, I ain’t wanna risk losing my spot to go grab a bite. I thought I’d be able to play at least one arcade game too. Even brought some quarters with me. I got there a tad early but that line was what it was and only got longer. After about 30-45 minutes of waiting, they started letting people in.
They kept hollering about no recording equipment being allowed in (duh) and no cell phones being on. If they saw the light from it or caught you on it, they’d boot you out. Since I was surfing the whole time I was in line, I thought I’d be able to surf inside but that wasn’t gonna happen. I just put my shit on silent and chilled till the movie started. Place got packed up pretty quick. I sat all the way at the top. Obese chick to my left, decent older broad to my right who I was conversing with on occasion. She was with a guy but when he was gone to get food and drinks, that’s when she was talkative. Plus she initiated the convo. Digits? Nah, I ain’t bother. The attendant said they had to turn people away cuz the auditorium was maxed out. Usually they open up another but looks like that wasn’t going down this time. They warned about cell phones again so I just turned my shit off. Cat said for movies like this with big names, you gotta arrive early if you want a seat. Lots of couples got separated and had to sit wherever a single seat was available. Bet that sucked for them.
The movie itself really wasn’t bad at all. It’s not a tearjerker. It’s a drama through and through with some well placed laughs that made it more authentic and enjoyable. No special effects of any kind. Just strictly acting and plot with minimal twists. Minimal meaning they aren’t so hardcore that you’re shocked and surprised but when they happen, they’re well placed and make sense. Looks like this is based on a book too but I forgot the title and author. They did show it in the beginning credits. Brendan Fraser’s acting was about what you can expect. Yet it matched the tone of the rest of the flick. Nor was he in the best shape he’s ever been in. He’s got a little potbelly that’s clearly visible along with some extra chin. Old ass Harrison Ford’s in better shape than him.
If you’re a sci-fi fan, you’ll get a couple treats here. Jared Harris from Fringe does a horrible American accent as a corporate exec. And Courtney Vance from FlashForward plays the parent of a pompe kid. Never heard of pompe disease till seeing this movie. Like many inherited diseases, my proposal is to just stop the gene. If you know you’re genetically predispositioned to produce certain negative traits when having kids, then don’t have any. Harrison Ford does a lot of yelling here but his rational, human side always shines through. The movie title basically describes what Fraser is willing to do to save his and other kids with the disease. It’s emotional and shows what the human spirit is capable of when confronted with adversity. Some people just give up. This movie shows what can happen when you don’t and I like that message cuz I promote it whenever possible. It’s a very positive movie. Good for families. Not at all unrealistic.
Since you don’t get much bang for your buck, I wouldn’t recommend paying for it unless you got nothing better to do cuz, really, it has the production values of a tv movie. It is CBS Films after all. It’s not a bad movie but you’re better off waiting on dvd or for it to broadcast on HBO or regular tv which is where it’ll end up eventually. Anyone could’ve played the roles in this movie and the script and directing isn’t spectacular but since they went with big name actors, that’s about the only reason it got released in theaters. I give it 6.5 out of 10 stars. Not bad at all, worth seeing, but not worth going out of your way to see. If you manage to catch it, then hey, good for you. You won’t be disappointed.
I’ve had Feast on my hard drive for months now. My homeboy came over and we worked out together. After getting pumped and sore, we figured we’d watch a flick. I chose Feast on a whim. I’ll say right up front, I’m giving the first part 8 out of 10 stars. That is one god damn good movie! Shoulda been released in more theaters. Probably woulda made a good chunk of change considering how much it cost. I did see the Project Greenlight series when they chose John Gulager and the writing team for Feast. Just took me a while to join the party. But I finally did and I’m not completely disappointed. You’ll know what I mean later.
I got no complaints about the first part. It’s gory, very well written, unique direction, insanely hysterical dialogue, and good characterization. Best line of the movie? When Boss Man said, ”They like food that moves.” So fucking funny for reasons that you have to watch the movie to appreciate. There’s other familiar faces here. Treach from Naughty By Nature. Eric Dane from Grey’s Anatomy. And Krista Allen who I remember best from What About Brian. Eric Dane’s character’s death scene was beyond funny. Without a doubt, this series falls into the horror comedy genre. So many absurdities yet a lot of it is realistic. It doesn’t just go with the expected flow. There’s curveballs galore. Things you expect a character to do, in many cases, they do it. Shit that happens in reality but doesn’t happen in most movies does happen here. And the pacing and direction, it’s just really, really good. I very highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes being entertained cuz this movie does just that in every aspect.
Why’d I knock 2 points off? Some of it was too absurd to the point of being ridiculous. Like one of the creatures humping a stuffed dear head and another face fucking what was thought to be a corpse. It’ll all make sense when you see it. It can be a bit much. There’s lots of excess but it’s these things that make the movie unique and stand on its own. It can’t be compared to anything. Feast is an original movie and that can’t be said much these days. From beginning all the way to the very end, it’s a damn good movie. You don’t know who’s gonna live or die. You don’t know when or where a monster will appear and it keeps you guessing and those are all good things for a movie to have.
It was still early so we peeped the 2nd movie. Feast II: Sloppy Seconds starts out totally different from the first part. The tone is much more comedic and even more absurd. And gore? Shit, motherfucker, you better have a strong as hell stomach to peep this shit! And I ain’t kidding you, either! When the hardcore shit started, I had to stop eating. There was no way for me to continue watching this movie and eat at the same time. It’s just not possible. It picks up where the second part left off. Some characters survived the assault from the creatures in the previous movie and the main plot point here is a female biker gang leader is looking for one of them who killed a gang member in the first part. Her acting wasn’t great but her dialogue was.
I honestly didn’t think Gulager had anything to do with this cuz the tone was so different. I didn’t know what the fuck to expect. When things picked up, they stayed up. There’s more gore to the point of it being gross. Like in the very beginning with the midgets. The sex scene is funny but when the monsters start attacking, the sight gags just make you start crying laughing. This movie does have nudity just so you know. Best line of the movie? When one of the midgets said, “Monsters don’t eat where they shit.” Best scene of the movie? Without giving too much away, a very tense scene is when a baby starts crying. You don’t know if it’s a monster baby or not. You don’t know what’ll happen when it’s rescued. You don’t know what’ll happen during the scene when it’s tossed into the air. I won’t say anything else to ruin that moment.
Yes, it is a moment. One of those movie moments that you’ll never forget cuz it’s never, ever been done in any movie before it. You WILL remember it, I can guarantee that. Nothing is immune to abuse in this movie. Children, animals, people, it don’t matter. There’s one other scene that tops all the others. The baby scene is unforgettable. When they dissect one of the creatures, I’m telling you right now, DO NOT eat before you see this movie unless you have a VERY strong stomach! It’s one of the grossest scenes I’ve ever seen in any movie, ever! I even made a comment to my friend that it reminds me of German puke and bukkake porn. So that right there gives you an indication of what to expect. You’ve been warned!
The only surprise face here is Carl Anthony Payne II’s appearance as a used car salesman. I love the Martin tv show and he was a huge part of that so it was good to see him again. I’d say the biggest challenge for this movie was that it occurs mostly in the daytime. Kinda hard to scare people like that but this is much more comedic than scary. Honey Pie, a holdover character from the first part, is important to the ending of the movie. You’d think this was the end of the Feast series the way it ended but it’s not. Can’t give anything away but the previously mentioned disappointment comes from the fate of Honey Pie’s character. Sometimes, you gotta let people live, you know?
I give this movie 7 out of 10 stars. There’s just so many humorous scenes, and a lot of them are absolutely ridiculous, but all appropriate and well placed. Like the dialogue from the grandmother whose body was liquefying. You’ll see. It only gets one point less than the first part because, hey, the first part is the benchmark. Kinda hard to top a movie like that but this one is almost equally highly recommended. It’s a totally different style but it stands on its own as unique and original with shit happening that’s never happened before in any movie before it.
We peeped the 3rd part the next night. Feast III: The Happy Finish continues directly from where the last one ended. It’s like they were filmed simultaneously. Had to be. Honey Pie’s final fate is decided in the very beginning and we’re treated to a very nice shitting scene that’s quite literally right in your face. Best line of the movie? There’s 2. One is during an argument where a female gang member said, “Bitch, I will fuck you up!” It ain’t what she said, it’s how she said it. Awesome shit! The other is when a new character is introduced. He said, “I got the gift, faggots!” You’ll see what he’s referring to when you see this. This movie would be just like the 2nd part with more absurdities and new characters that add to that mix.
It’s a continuation through and through but some scenes tend to drag out, like when they were in the sewer. Some made little sense, like the mutated humans. It got to the point where it was almost directionless cuz shit was happening that didn’t lend much to story progression and it’s the same creative team who did the first 2. You expect a certain level of quality. The beginning and middle of the movie are what they should be. The end is where everything starts going to hell. From the survivors fighting their way out of the mutant herd, to biting away at one of the monsters as if they were monsters themselves, to the worst ending of any movie I’ve ever seen. Yes, I said it, THE WORST ENDING TO ANY MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN! The ending just makes everything else that happens prior seem meaningless. You forget about all the humor and other good stuff cuz it’s just that bad.
It’s almost like they ran out of ideas and just put some shit together for the sake of completeness. A better ending woulda been the monster at the end being benevolent and it did seem that way. And then they coulda went out into the city safe zone where they were trying to get to and proceeded with the plot. Not the pure garbage that was given to us. I don’t know what the hell anyone involved with the ending of this movie was thinking. No one spoke up or said anything? No one told the writers that this shit was stupid? Did them or Gulager really have something to do with this? It just makes not one shred of sense in comparison to EVERYTHING that came before it. I don’t get it. Oh yeah, there’s nudity in this flick too. One of the biker chicks bites the big one and you’re treated to some really good, close-up tit shots. She has some good hard nipples on her. You’ll enjoy staring at them.
From Feast I all the way to the middle of Feast III, you’ll be completely and totally entertained. But the last act in Feast III, I don’t know, man. I don’t know what the fuck happened there. I’m purposely not saying what happened cuz if you haven’t seen these flicks yet, you need to. Despite the horrible (not happy) finish, I’d recommend getting all of these as a set on dvd/bd. They’re all worth paying for and all worth watching back to back to back. I got the dvdrips online. All were good quality. Enjoy the first part, don’t eat when watching the second one, and be prepared for the shitty finish to the 3rd. They’re even considering a fourth part. After the fiasco with part 3’s climax, please don’t do it unless you plan on exploring the origins of the creatures. Feast III gets 4 out of 10 stars. Woulda got 6 but the ending really is that bad.
